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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off dd1 keeps eating dp tea!

305 replies

Anotherchapter · 28/08/2014 21:09

She is 19 for god sake!

She has hers when she gets in from work around 7:15pm . She has probably quite a large meal for some one her size (she is very petite) finishes it all off then with in an hour or so I can hear her in the kitchen faffing about looking for food.

Recently she has taken to taking food off dp plate as he gets in at 9:30 ish.

She knows it's left for him And I tell her to leave it alone. I didn't plate his up tonight (did a beef curry) I heard her come down stairs and go in the kitchen. I heard the lid off the pan lift up, I told her to leave his bloody tea alone, then a few seconds later I heard her put it back and go back upstairs.

Just been in to check and she had took all the fucking meat out of it bar one shitty morsel!

If she gets hungry she knows she can make toast or cereal but to be taking his food - when she knows it's for him and that's all there is pissing me off.

I've just been up and told her off - she said she only had a tea spoon full Hmm

I don't know what her problem is.

Angry Angry

OP posts:
maddening · 28/08/2014 21:46

Put a lock on the kitchen after she has her tea

plantsitter · 28/08/2014 21:47

I'm going to be a bit amateur psychologist (emphasis on amateur) and suggest that she's taking his food because she sees it as a loving gesture from you - she's not just jealous of the food you provide but the love too. I know she's 19 but we can all behave a bit like that around our mums I reckon.

Not saying you don't love her or show her that but perhaps you need to talk to her about it or plan some time together or summat.

WoodliceCollection · 28/08/2014 21:49

She maybe hasn't eaten enough though. You'd know a teenage boy needed more to eat than an adult, right- it's the same for (at least some) teenage girls. I was absolutely starving nearly all the time at that age, was actually going through a late growth spurt, and it was pretty distressing the level of hunger despite staying fairly thin (no hope of that now, but as a teenager unless you can see a weight problem which clearly you can't, she probably does need more food). I feel like there's a bit of a gender expectation going on here, where teenage boys would be considered normal to eat a lot but girls are expected to just put up with being hungry tbh. Obviously she shouldn't nick food but you can't decide whether she's hungry or not.

Original poster
Anotherchapter · 28/08/2014 21:50

To be honest nomama it was a shouty whisper as dd2 is in bed and no I didn't really challenge her on it. And she bloody acts like poppet princess half the time.

I won't see her properly enough in the morning to have real words so I will send her an email while she is in work as she will be at her boyfriends all weekend.

I've been too soft on her. When we had dd2 , I didn't want her to feel left out and probably indulged her too much.

OP posts:
VanitasVanitatum · 28/08/2014 21:50

But plant she gets her dinner made too?

Bless him op he sounds lovely. Hope you can find a way to get through to her that it's not fair to take his food, she needs to appreciate that he needs to eat too.

Maybe cold meat and things in the fridge, tell her she needs to pay a bit more housekeeping as she needs more protein?

lunar1 · 28/08/2014 21:51

I would be so angry, I think I'd lock the kitchen. I thought you would be posting about a young child. You both need to be giving here a real telling off about this and about steeling a child's food.

Mrsjayy · 28/08/2014 21:51

I thinknWoman who deprive themselves of food tend to binge if its not on their plate they dont see it as theirs iyswim if she is always dieting she I depriving herself still would be anoyed though

Floralnomad · 28/08/2014 21:52

Honestly I really couldn't get worked up about this, I'd just cook more so there is plenty spare for seconds.

Lucy61 · 28/08/2014 21:52

You say she's really skinny and is pinching food... Maybe she is genuinely hungry? Increase her portion size, particularly the proteins. Cereal and toast don't fill you up for long. If necessary, get her to contribute more financially, but define rely let her eat more! If not a larger portion in the evening, then maybe encourage her to eat moe throughout the day.

She's just hungry. Smile

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 28/08/2014 21:52

Does she mainly do it to DP, if so, it sounds like a jealously issue, especially if she takes his pillow, when its easier to take yours.

SureFootedWhispher · 28/08/2014 21:54

Is your DP her dad?

Original poster
Anotherchapter · 28/08/2014 21:54

wood there is plenty of other food/snacks to eat . She picks off dp plate that's my issue. She won't commit to a full sandwich or toast or cereal, just rather pick of his plate.

Unless it's chocolate and that's disappears with in seconds.

The more I think about it, she does it a lot with dd2 food as well. Baby biscuits - one bite taken and then out back, left to go bloody stale.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anotherchapter · 28/08/2014 21:54

Put back in cupboard*

OP posts:
Lucy61 · 28/08/2014 21:55

Excuse my spelling. Crappy phone.

Mrsjayy · 28/08/2014 21:57

I was secret ly think jealousy or attention seeking but didn't want to say it I think she is after a reaction from him

Original poster
Anotherchapter · 28/08/2014 22:00

lucy she has a full plate of food for her tea at 7:15. A large portion. With in an hour she is looking for food. Toast / cereal/ crumpets would be adequate. She is asleep for ten.

mrsjay I think you maybe right.

tali she doesn't show jealousy towards him outwardly though.

sure no dp isn't dd1 dad. She does see her dad most weekends in passing.

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 28/08/2014 22:01

I think it is extremely bizarre, selfish, rude and outrageous behaviour. What you can do about it when she couldn't care less what you say is another matter.

Original poster
Anotherchapter · 28/08/2014 22:01

mrsj she knows she would get one from him - from me yes.

I think what you said before mixed in with a general attitude of I can have what I want is the issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anotherchapter · 28/08/2014 22:02

Wouldn't get one*

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 28/08/2014 22:03

Get some chicken...cook drumsticks...ham? Have that available for her.

Marmiteandjamislush · 28/08/2014 22:03

Why are you making and plating food for an adult? That's pretty controlling. Perhaps she hasn't had enough food, if she cooked and plated for herself, she would eat what she needs. Stop treating her like a child. She won't grow up otherwise.

MrsWinnibago · 28/08/2014 22:04

Its not controlling to prep food and plate it for your family! My Mum did that....she isn't controlling.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 28/08/2014 22:04

Picky the food of his plate and taking his pillow, might be how she shows jealousy, almost like a defiance for taking some of your attention, if she does it to DD2 aswell, it would show jealousy.

ChillySundays · 28/08/2014 22:05

That would so piss me off. I would be tempted to say to her your dinner is in the saucepan and before that take all the meat out except for one piece. See how she likes it. I know that is petty but I have found with my DC that they are lazy and it easier to eat bits out of the saucepan than make something (even if it is something easy like toast)

Marmiteandjamislush · 28/08/2014 22:06

Sorry, but it is controlling. Especially shouting and locking food away from another adult.