To be pissed off dd1 keeps eating dp tea!

[Anotherchapter]

She is 19 for god sake!

She has hers when she gets in from work around 7:15pm . She has probably quite a large meal for some one her size (she is very petite) finishes it all off then with in an hour or so I can hear her in the kitchen faffing about looking for food.

Recently she has taken to taking food off dp plate as he gets in at 9:30 ish.

She knows it's left for him And I tell her to leave it alone. I didn't plate his up tonight (did a beef curry) I heard her come down stairs and go in the kitchen. I heard the lid off the pan lift up, I told her to leave his bloody tea alone, then a few seconds later I heard her put it back and go back upstairs.

Just been in to check and she had took all the fucking meat out of it bar one shitty morsel!

If she gets hungry she knows she can make toast or cereal but to be taking his food - when she knows it's for him and that's all there is pissing me off.

I've just been up and told her off - she said she only had a tea spoon full

I don't know what her problem is.

The OP states quote categorically that her daughter does not have an eating disorder. I suspect she's in a better position to know that someone doing a spot of internet diagnosis.

No emp none of those things are a strong red light for an eating disorder.

Those with eating disorders are very private about it. The OP's DD is not and will happily take food from other peoples plates while they are eating from them.

She is not showing any signs of binge eating but is choosing to only eat her step fathers/siblings food and not any other food in the house. She also cherry picks the best bits from the meals such as the meat. A binge eater/bulimic would eat the blood lot.

The fact that she is petite or thin has no bearing what so ever.

I think you need to go back and do more reading on the subject.

I'd give up now, ilovesooty, there are none so emphatic as those with absolutely no idea what they're talking about, they just know best as they've r-e-s-e-a-r-c-h-e-d it all you see...

It's so insulting and patronising and of course, OP is in a better position to know her daughter. I'd be fuming if I were the OP, being lectured to.

Yes Lying insulting and patronising is spot on. And the sighing as though people need EDUCATING.

Your planned approach sounds good. I thought this might be useful:

www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/how-many-calories-do-teenagers-need.aspx?CategoryID=51&SubCategoryID=165

It shows how many calories teenagers need and what kind of foods they should be eating. It is significantly different to an adult or child. She needs about 20% more food than you would (which I think is quite a lot) plus she should have lots of carbohydrates and only moderate amounts of dairy and protein. It's not what I would expect. She might be hungry because she is not eating what her body needs?

Hey ladies! Well don't I feel honoured my first post where MQ have shown up! I am truly home.

Come hither there is free to celebrate!

What are we celebrating?

All sorted with dinner-mad daughter or just that MNHQ showed up?

I think I might pass on the
I was feeling bit fragile earlier
I feel rather ashamed - I've not really come to MNHQ `s attention before.

lying I want to say it's MNHQ turning up (not seen dd1) but in reality it's because I survived 'family' night with recently bitter divorced inlaws , who are surprisingly really getting on! BIL messaging his bit on the side and his kids toy fighting. They have all gone home .

I'm on my second bottle.

ilove no you need the . is good.

Don't feel ashamed, were all human! No ones perfect. Least me! X

Passes some to Another a for ilovesooty and for both of you... you're on MNHQ's radar; you've ARRIVED...

yy regarding family night, it's like 'fight night' on speed in our house sometimes and, if MNHQ think AIBU is bunfighty at times, they haven't seen anything yet. I have to sit under my Lulu Guinness 'birdcage' umbrella sometimes as the buns take flight. don't want any of that crap in my newly blonded hair.

... just idly running my fingers through said perfect hair to discover it is NOT perfect and pristine anymore.

SOMEBODY has had their sticky, jammy fingers in something unmentionable and SOMEBODY, with scant regard for their own personal safety, has touched my perfect locks and made them sticky and pink streaked. There's what can only be described as a 'blob' on my fringe.

It was either a small person or a husband. If I find out which, their days are numbered... Or I might forgive a small person but if it was the other, I shall have his ...

Ooooh new hair? Why what the occasion? Box or hair dresser? I need an intervention with my birds best!

'Fight night in speed ' I love it. Dp took a inflatable rolly ball thing of dn and dnephew because it was getting WWF style. Mil protested. Said it doesn't matter if they pop it. We can buy a new one. It probably only cost £4 any way

He was forceful. They wasn't allowed it.It may have turned me on a little

lying I'm mad for you! You should at least have two days of preening in the mirror . They spoil everything!

Happened all the time at Uni... where the 18-21 year olds are!

Just want to add in that it can be different within families too - I never took my mum's stuff (although that might be because I didn't like any of it! ) but had the devil of a problem with my younger sister nicking my knickers, of all things!
She did take other clothes if she fancied them but we had quite different styles - but my point is that we had different attitudes despite being brought up the same way by the same parents - she felt she had a "right" to my stuff, I didn't feel the same way about anyone else's.

So it's not necessarily entirely down to the OP's parenting (although tbh, ANother, I do think you should probably stamp on that too - at least make her ask before she "borrows" your stuff)

Did you ever not use/ borrow take anything of your mother/older sisters? Nope. We all had our own stuff that my sister felt quite entitled to use any time she liked.

She would use half a bottle of bath stuff in her bath, so when hers ran out, she used mine (which meant going into my bedroom & taking it) & you know what....at 45 she is still an entitled madam because my mum never said a word to her about it & I had to replace my own stuff, as I was obviously using too much.

She think the world owes her something now and no one ever dares to say no to her, or she strops. She stopped talking to me 5yrs ago after I told her that she was bullying a kid on fb! How dare I stand up to her...

I'm absolutely amazed at how everyone seems to think your dd eating food is such an issue. Poor girl. I really feel sorry for her. At 19 years old, mum's kitchen is the only place I'd get fed properly (when home from university). I wasn't entitled or a 'poppet princess' ; it was considered totally normal.
Why can't you cook extra ? You're cooking anyway. Why are you rationing the food? What if your other dd or dp wanted to eat extra ? Would you say no??

Only on bloody mn!

Good luck with 'the talk', I really hope you get it sorted out

Blah have you actually RTT?

She gives DD a large portion of food.
DD eats it all and says she is stuffed.
OP plates up a meal for DH and leaves it in the kitchen.
DD has access to further snacks from the kitchen however chooses instead to pick the food (meat) from DH's plate before he gets in from work.

OP is not rationing food at all. Her DD is welcome to cook meals/snacks for herself but she refuses and instead takes food from somebody else's plate.

Flossy yes I have read it. I still don't understand why the op wouldn't cook extra, knowing her dd wants more food later on. Surely having a small portion of extra dinner later on is better for her anyway rather than snacks?

Dd doesn't have a weight issue.
She doesn't have an eating disorder.
She's just a hungry, growing teen.

I just can't understand this at all and it's actually really upsetting me. I can't imagine doing that to my dd's.

BlahBlahYeahYeah She is eating food set aside for someone else, after she has eaten her own dinner.

The op has asked her to stop & has a variety of alternatives she can have instead, but the daughter KEEPS ON taking her step father's food.

It has nothing to do with anything except this child thinking she has more entitlement to what others need/own.

After eating her meal the DD states she is stuffed.

She is later refusing alternative foods offered and is instead taking the good bits from her SF plate. This is not hunger this is choice.

The OP has stated she is on a budget and cooks enough to feed the adults with other snacks available.

I really don't see why it's upsetting you maybe you should hide the thread.

OP will you update us after your chat on Monday? I am quite interested in this. My SIL (faaaaar older than your DD) still seems to resort to being a teenager when under her parents' roof. We were all staying with them this summer and it was a bit shocking! Too late & I'm too tired to go into too much detail now but talk about entitled selfish behaviour, by SIL for herself snd her PFB daughter. At the expense of my DD's a lot of the time. I think I saw the result of decades of princess behaviour in a 40 year old and it wasn't pretty. I think you owe it to your DD to help her sort herself out so she doesn't end up the same. I love my SIL and niece dearly but I think I respect her a little bit less now....