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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off dd1 keeps eating dp tea!

305 replies

Anotherchapter · 28/08/2014 21:09

She is 19 for god sake!

She has hers when she gets in from work around 7:15pm . She has probably quite a large meal for some one her size (she is very petite) finishes it all off then with in an hour or so I can hear her in the kitchen faffing about looking for food.

Recently she has taken to taking food off dp plate as he gets in at 9:30 ish.

She knows it's left for him And I tell her to leave it alone. I didn't plate his up tonight (did a beef curry) I heard her come down stairs and go in the kitchen. I heard the lid off the pan lift up, I told her to leave his bloody tea alone, then a few seconds later I heard her put it back and go back upstairs.

Just been in to check and she had took all the fucking meat out of it bar one shitty morsel!

If she gets hungry she knows she can make toast or cereal but to be taking his food - when she knows it's for him and that's all there is pissing me off.

I've just been up and told her off - she said she only had a tea spoon full Hmm

I don't know what her problem is.

Angry Angry

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 28/08/2014 22:40

My own dd does a weightlifting fitness thing and she gave up carbs for a while and was always hungry I worried for a while she is back on some carbs now and she isnt so hungry ask her if she is feeling hungry or just eating for the sake of it my suspicion sge is hungry

cherrybombxo · 28/08/2014 22:43

Marmite you are definitely projecting. I didn't move out until I was 21 but I worked full time and my dad always had our (mine, his, mum's, DB's) dinners cooked and plated every night. I never ever made my own dinner, though I was perfectly capable. I was also shouted at by my mum at that age and it did me no harm! If I acted like a dick, my mum called me on it. I don't see the problem - OP's dd deserved a bollocking, she's being rude.

OP, sadly there's not much you can do other than locking the kitchen or hiding the food. Your dd has shown repeatedly that she doesn't take your warnings seriously.

Original poster
Anotherchapter · 28/08/2014 22:46

latte I can absolutely say when she has eaten enough when she devoures a large plate of food. Complains that she is stuffed then wanders in to the kitchen to pick at others food. Like I said she can eat other food. Just don't pick at some one else's plate.

And if she doesn't want the carbs then she can go and buy herself extra food. But won't. She would rather spend it on a new handbag.

OP posts:
Marmiteandjamislush · 28/08/2014 22:47

Cherry I am may be projecting whatever the fuck that means but I still thinks it's a weird way to treat adults. I don't get why people are taking it personally. I wasn't rude, validated my comments and have agreed to disagree. Can we leave me out of it now.

worridmum · 28/08/2014 22:49

marmite I didnt say they were kids they are still our children even after they turn 18 you know they dont simply become a bog standard aduilt you know they dont metampoh into a stranger they are still our children even if they are adults.

comedancing · 28/08/2014 22:49

Is she the oldest in the family..birth order.. First kid thinks everything in the house belongs to them ..my oldest D's was the same..took major battle to stop him..also helps himself to his brothers clothes...my smelly candles..anything he puts his eye on..he is not a vad lad just wanders round and doesnt think...he has nearly grown out of it but it involved a few blow ups on my part

Mrsjayy · 28/08/2014 22:49

Thats what I said to my daughter she was welcome to buy her own food if she was low carbing

Oldraver · 28/08/2014 22:50

Latte at some point it is ok to say "you have had more than your fair share" . My DB was a bugger for helping himself to huge portions of meat and not bothering with veg/rice/potatoes/pasta. Food I had cooked in bulk to freeze and have another day. It was greed.

If the DD was actually hungry she wouldn't turn down the alternatives, she is choosing to pick at other peoples food. She is being greedy and selfish.

smellyfishead · 28/08/2014 22:51

two questions, does she smoke? and has there ever been/suspicions of crossing the boundaries before with your dp?

Seems strange behaviour taking his food, his pillow, but getting along well with him regardless. I feel the key thing here is your dp needs to stand up to her a bit, make it clear that he is not finding her actions acceptable and that she cannot control him/what he eats.

Tikimon · 28/08/2014 22:53

Anyways dp is back , he said 'don't worry about it' . Sky sports is on and he is happy.

That's what I mean about DP not being upset. If he's not bothered about it, is it really a big deal? Surely if it pushed his buttons it would be one thing, but it doesn't seem to upset him any...

That said, my parents still cook for me when I come home, they're not babying me. Sometimes they send me and DB out for snacks to contribute if we run low on munchies. We always provide family and friends with food at our house too.

Honestly, as family, your food should be shared (obviously by that I mean fairly and not someone losing out). You're not room mates. It's a bit weird to have each family member cook and pay for themselves. But since DD is making money, I don't see a problem with having her make dinner (and buy supplies) on a regular basis either. If you're sharing with her, she should share with you as well.

Original poster
Anotherchapter · 28/08/2014 22:53

come you might be on to something. She is PFB . All my best clothes, toiletries end up in her room.

OP posts:
Marmiteandjamislush · 28/08/2014 22:54

I know that worrid but the relationship can and should evolve. I don't connect food with love, just misery and pain. Maybe that's it.

Mrsjayy · 28/08/2014 22:54

Tbf she is pinching her little sisters food as well as her step dads

Original poster
Anotherchapter · 28/08/2014 22:54

My DB was a bugger for helping himself to huge portions of meat and not bothering with veg/rice/potatoes/pasta. Food I had cooked in bulk to freeze and have another day. It was greed

^^ this goes on here to!

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 28/08/2014 22:55

marmite that sounds like you had a horrible tough time of it

Original poster
Anotherchapter · 28/08/2014 22:59

i know that worrid but the relationship can and should evolve. I don't connect food with love, just misery and pain. Maybe that's it

That I understand. I'm an emotional eater.

tiki he's not bothered but I am. I wouldn't let him do it to hers.

mrsjay that why I think she feels entitled.

OP posts:
Marmiteandjamislush · 28/08/2014 22:59

I did, yep. Everyone has tough shit to deal with though.

Marmiteandjamislush · 28/08/2014 23:01

I hope I haven't offended or upset you Another If I have I'm sorry, that was not what I meant.

worridmum · 28/08/2014 23:02

It does evole and should but at the core the relationship stays the same (or atleast should but their is sadly toxic people out there)

Tho with food I can only think of a handful of times i had to pull up DD1 about food is when 1 she loaded her plate with the majority of stuffing and roasted parsnips before anyone else had any (and wasnt enough left for everyone basically majorty of her plate ) or when she eat DS3 birthdaycake one night after coming home drunk (we were away for the night to see blackpool ligths and would be back the next day)

tho I dont punish them like I would a child with withdrawing preveliges etc but would make it clear it was not acceptable behaviour etc

ChillySundays · 28/08/2014 23:02

It's about thought and consideration for others in the house. If everyone sat to eat together she would have to find something to eat. In my house there fruit, yogurts, bread, crisps, biscuits, salad, cup a soups - plenty of choice so if the DC don't like it tough luck.
If they want something else they buy it themselves.

Original poster
Anotherchapter · 28/08/2014 23:03

Oh god marmite have you eck - have some Wine

OP posts:
Marmiteandjamislush · 28/08/2014 23:04

Thanks Another cheers Smile

MrsWinnibago · 28/08/2014 23:06

Marmite I didn't know you had MH problems. Why would I know that? Confused I don't know you.

twizzleship · 28/08/2014 23:06

she can act entitled and selfish sometimes and she can go and buy herself extra food. But won't. She would rather spend it on a new handbag

maybe it's about time you started teaching her how to be independent/self sufficient and prepare her for standing on her own two feet and providing for herself? Perhaps once she sees the expense and effort that goes into making meals she won't behave in such a selfish and entitled manner?

Original poster
Anotherchapter · 28/08/2014 23:07

Oh god just remembered. When she was about 14, I'd cooked a small turkey crown and left it cooling in microwave so cats wouldn't eat if.

When I got in from work I threw some roasties in and a bit of veg, went to get the turkey out of the microwave and she had eaten it. A whole joint.

Thought it was hers as it was in microwave Confused

She got told off for that as well.

OP posts: