To be pissed off dd1 keeps eating dp tea!

[Anotherchapter]

She is 19 for god sake!

She has hers when she gets in from work around 7:15pm . She has probably quite a large meal for some one her size (she is very petite) finishes it all off then with in an hour or so I can hear her in the kitchen faffing about looking for food.

Recently she has taken to taking food off dp plate as he gets in at 9:30 ish.

She knows it's left for him And I tell her to leave it alone. I didn't plate his up tonight (did a beef curry) I heard her come down stairs and go in the kitchen. I heard the lid off the pan lift up, I told her to leave his bloody tea alone, then a few seconds later I heard her put it back and go back upstairs.

Just been in to check and she had took all the fucking meat out of it bar one shitty morsel!

If she gets hungry she knows she can make toast or cereal but to be taking his food - when she knows it's for him and that's all there is pissing me off.

I've just been up and told her off - she said she only had a tea spoon full

I don't know what her problem is.

Mostly adults in my house I cook dinner for everybody I can imagine the chaos if I said to dds well you can cook your dinner once I have cooked mine and dads

Marmite what a mean person you are. Very cold person indeed

I think that too Lady but I also suspect Marmite's perspective is skewed. Perhaps through no fault of her own.

No need for Another I'm just saying it does happen and I recognised patterns from my own youth, so just saying.

MrsJay exactly! My sister has a 20 year old, 2 11 year olds and a 23 year old and she cooks for them all! She does one meal and that's that...they all get their own breakfasts...she'd never let them all into the kitchen! It would be a disaster!

Do you know me personally then Lady I don't get what's mean about giving adults responsibility, must be an MN thing

Yeah what mrs w just said I fell over my 21yr olds shoes earlier I did the shouty thing but I suppose she is an adult she should be living hundreds of miles away or I should talk to her like an adult

Marmite...most families live, eat, row and laugh together for many years...and the family unit stays more or less in the same shape for the same years....that means that meals are cooked for the family...and eaten together...things don't suddenly become separate and formalised when DC reach adulthood.

marmite if you carry on reading down you will see it was a 'shouty whisper' not shouting at all. I think you might have the wrong end of the stick.

I'm smothering my daughter because I cook and plate up for her? What about when I go to my granny's and she dies that fir me ?

Yes you should talk to her as adult Mrs Jayy how rude not to

marmite I'm not your mother though. You sound like you had a tough time , but it honestly like that here.

Oh Marmite you seem to be slightly "off" this evening. I think it's best if you accept that your perspective is somehow...not functioning like others'.

Wow ! All I've read is rude, greedy and bad !
This appears to me as a reaction. Is it gauging food - does she have an eating disorder. Is it control - step father and a baby sister = being unsettled. Is it that she is unhappy about work or friends.
It's unusual to do something because your just plain horrid.
Please look deeper into the reason.

I had asked her to move them she didn't I told her off but I guess you think I am babying her or something

Sorry I just think it's a really weird way to treat another adult. We're clearly not going to understand each other so let's just drop it. OP, you clearly think YANBU and that's fine. I don't appreciate being called mean and cold by strangers though, I did valid my 'controlling' comment with personal experience. Oh well. night.

So what is your answer OP? Perhaps when you hear her in the kitchen, get up an supervise/make her pay more board and cook more meals/make her pay for a takeout/make her come back downstairs and cook him a replacement meal/suggest she leaves home?

I don't think an email is going to give your results to be honest.

Marmite do you actully have teenaged children ? My money is you dont even at 18 - 19 my children still sometimes need a talkng too eg coming home wasted on a school night where there is young school aged children in family

And I certinally would pull up my uni aged daugther if she was doing that sort of thing I would also threaten that she had to pay for my DP takeaway or even increase her board to cover the extra cost or if it contined / got worse tell her to find her own accomidation if she could not be considerate to other members of the household (I would do same to a son before anyone says anything)

I cook foe my dp and plate it up, he is 25 is that controlling? If my children still live at home at 19, when I cook the family meal I will cook for them and plate that up to. How strange to think that as soon as the reach adulthood they can no longer eat as part of the family.

OP I would be really cross about that and would tell her if it happens again she will have to pay extra to cover an extra meal for your dp. Its not like there was nothing else in to eat if she was hungry.

Mrs Did you mean to be so crass?! Do you know how offensive it is to tell somebody with MH issues that their perspective does not 'function like others' and they should just accept it and leave it? Horrible.

But they are our children something s dont change when they turn 18 you dont stop hugging them worrying when they are out or even telling them off sometimes on their 18th birthday fwiw my dd is mature responsible works but can be a lazy pain in the back side at home, thats not what the thread is about though we are getting sidetracked

I don't want to go down the route of putting extra portions away for her as she needs to know she has eaten enough

'Eaten enough' - what does that actually mean? As much as you deem 'enough'? How would you like it if your DP said you have 'eaten enough' but you were still hungry, wouldn't you find that unbearably controlling?

If she is still hungry then clearly she has not eaten enough.

She is incredibly slim - why are you controlling her intake of food? In fact, at 19, even if she was overweight you have no business telling her she has 'eaten enough'.

She won't make toast or crumpets because they are too 'carby' that's why she is picking meat

So what? A lot of people would choose not to eat nutritionally devoid carbs.

Worrid you're right mine are little. But there is no such thing as a 19 yo child, I have however been that age and I think it's odd to be like that. So does my husband.

Nothing wrong with a 19yo cooking their own dinner! I had to cook my own food from 14 because I became vegetarian .

However, in your case it does seem more sensible for you to cook for all as you have said that you prefer to budget and meal plan, and you have the time. I would work out how much extra it costs to provide an extra portion of meat for your daughter at every meal, or to buy in low-carb snacks of her choice- then add it to her bed and board costs. Or she can buy in high protein snacks for herself.

I do think she's doing it as a boundary test of some kind, but she does need to accept that there are consequences.

Exactly Latte glad I'm not totally weird.

Ah she not horrid heyho I'm immensely proud of her, love the bones of her but she can act entitled and selfish sometimes.

She seems to be having a great time with her friends and bf.