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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to take 2 cars on my wedding day to accommodate someone?

156 replies

FelicityFoxton · 26/08/2014 20:17

I'm getting married on Friday - it's just a small do with 18 guests. Two of the people invited are my daughter's sister who is 26 and niece who is 2. ( my dd is almost 16 and they have the same father,. I'm not particularly close to her however we get on absolutely fine and my daughter is close to her , sees her often and babysits a lot for her niece.

I invited her to the wedding. We are getting married 12 miles from here and then it's a further 12 miles or so to where we are having lunch and then it's back to our house. My daughters sister does not drive and has now just told me that she can't get there using buses etc because where we are going is not on a bus route

We have two cars. We were only taking one because there are four of us in the family. I really do not want to take two cars to accommodate her. It would mean me driving , my ( soon to be ! ) husband driving and all this to fit her in with her little girl. I just don't want to drive there separately , get married and then drive off to the lunch separately etc etc.

My daughter thinks I'm BU. I think she's 26 years old an she's had enough notice to sort out a lift or a babysitter for her child ( who is very welcome of course but if it wasn't for her, we'd be able to squeeze her in )

My daughter wants her there. I do as well but I just don't want to take two cars.

So ... AIBU ?

OP posts:
Purplepoodle · 26/08/2014 21:23

Doh just read you have done exactly that lol

Inertia · 26/08/2014 21:26

Aargh you solved it in the time it took to post !

So , who's the designated driver out of you and dh who'll be giving her a lift home after ?

WeAreEternal · 26/08/2014 21:29

I don't see why Felicity would be stuck looking after the toddler,
Felicity's DD is 16 and babysits her niece regularly, there is no reason why she can't be responsible for her for the journey and until her mother arrives.

I like the car seat idea better though, although I do agree with Nocabbage, she probably still wont be happy with it.

Redglitter · 26/08/2014 21:31

Sounds like a more than fair compromise. If she doesn't like that then the balls in her court as to how she gets there. Can't believe how many people think the op should be responsible in getting a guest to her wedding.

Mintyy · 26/08/2014 21:31

From the op: "We were only taking one [car] because there are four of us in the family."

So, in the car it is going to be you, dh, your dd and ?

FatimaLovesBread · 26/08/2014 21:33

It says in the OP that there are four of them in the car already before the DD's sister and her DD said that they'd need a lift. Also says if her DD wasn't coming then she could fit in the middle.

Presumably OP and her DP have another child or he has a child?

HorraceTheOtter · 26/08/2014 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kimaroo · 26/08/2014 21:36

Haha yes, me too

londonrach · 26/08/2014 21:38

No give her the number of a local taxi firm. She's being vvvvvvvu as it's your wedding day. Either that or uninvite her.

amyhamster · 26/08/2014 21:41

Op you are totally right
This is not your problem
Why can't her dad drive her there or her partner
Why can't she just turn up for the champagne & nibbles

Grr!

GoodArvo · 26/08/2014 21:55

I think you should take 2 cars. I think it's a bit mean not to.

Pico2 · 26/08/2014 21:59

I'm a bit puzzled as to why she is invited at all as you aren't close to her and you are only having 18 people. Obviously it is nice that you have invited her.

whois · 26/08/2014 22:02

Who don't you book a big taxi from your house to and from for the 6 of you? That way everyone is included and you and soon-to-be-DH both get a drink.

TheSkiingGardener · 26/08/2014 22:11

Very generous of you to offer to help her out at all. Please don't feel you have to change your wedding arrangements to accommodate her, she has many ways to solve this if she wanted to. You will only marry this man once so do it the way you want.

MaidOfStars · 26/08/2014 22:51

Has OP addressed the 'big taxi' possibility? We hired a (posh beribboned) minivan to run the bulk of our guests to the venue. Cost us £50. And she did three runs.

Mim78 · 26/08/2014 23:04

Really want to know if this solution turns out to be good enough!

BackforGood · 26/08/2014 23:16

Of course YANBU.

You are being incredibly generous in your solution.
I can't believe anyone could be so "entitled" as to put this back on you, and expect the B&G to both drive to and from their own wedding in 2 sep cars !!! Shock. Some people are unbelievable.

By 26, and a parent, you need to be taking responsibility for yourself.

Original poster
FelicityFoxton · 26/08/2014 23:19

I have a son as well hence the lack of space in car.

I've invited her because she is my daughters sister and they're close. Of course I get on very well with her but we are not close in a step mother daughter way. I've always made sure I've helped her out over the years however

Taxi is not an option. It's not one fluid round trip and I'm very happy to take one car. We are not drinkers incidentally so it means nothing to me to not have a drink whilst out. I'll have a glass when I'm home . My other half is the same

Happy with the solution as is she. Thanks for the input

OP posts:
Blu · 26/08/2014 23:43

Well done, OP. good solution, have a lovely day.

SolidGoldBrass · 26/08/2014 23:53

Well done OP. I was going to say that I did sympathise with her a little over not wanting to take the car seat on the bus. I am a non-driver and when DS was small there were one or two occasions when I had to take his toddler car seat on public transport and it was an utter, utter nightmare.

Tikimon · 26/08/2014 23:55

Me and DH didn't mind giving a lift to the wedding, but after the reception, they were on their own. We weren't playing taxi on our wedding night, we were going home to pack for the honeymoon and crash enjoy the wedding night.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 27/08/2014 00:08

Was going to suggest the "car seat in boot" scenario but you got there first.

d@mn - I thought I was going to be super impressive mumoftwo saves the day there.

Foiled again!

Congrats and have a lovely wedding.

Bouttimeforwine · 27/08/2014 00:14

Just say, we have one space in the car. We want to travel together on our wedding day. Do you want to find a babysitter, get the bus/lift back or are you going to find someone else to drive you there?

The ball is in her court then. Do not feel guilty.

differentnameforthis · 27/08/2014 01:19

If it would make my daughter happy, I would make the sacrifice.

I get that driving separately after the wedding will be a little different, but how much does your daughter's happiness mean to you?

Redglitter · 27/08/2014 01:22

It's actually all been resolved