Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to take 2 cars on my wedding day to accommodate someone?

156 replies

FelicityFoxton · 26/08/2014 20:17

I'm getting married on Friday - it's just a small do with 18 guests. Two of the people invited are my daughter's sister who is 26 and niece who is 2. ( my dd is almost 16 and they have the same father,. I'm not particularly close to her however we get on absolutely fine and my daughter is close to her , sees her often and babysits a lot for her niece.

I invited her to the wedding. We are getting married 12 miles from here and then it's a further 12 miles or so to where we are having lunch and then it's back to our house. My daughters sister does not drive and has now just told me that she can't get there using buses etc because where we are going is not on a bus route

We have two cars. We were only taking one because there are four of us in the family. I really do not want to take two cars to accommodate her. It would mean me driving , my ( soon to be ! ) husband driving and all this to fit her in with her little girl. I just don't want to drive there separately , get married and then drive off to the lunch separately etc etc.

My daughter thinks I'm BU. I think she's 26 years old an she's had enough notice to sort out a lift or a babysitter for her child ( who is very welcome of course but if it wasn't for her, we'd be able to squeeze her in )

My daughter wants her there. I do as well but I just don't want to take two cars.

So ... AIBU ?

OP posts:
Mintyy · 26/08/2014 21:10

I'm just interested Felicity, it doesn't matter, I'm just engaging, although you seem to be feeling rather snippy towards me.

Ime its very unusual for either the bride or the groom to drive to their own wedding, but that's probably because I move in circles where everyone likes at least one drink!

WeAreEternal · 26/08/2014 21:10

You are not responsable for her, she is a grown woman, if she wants to go she needs to sort out transport herself.
Does she really have no friends or family that would be willing to drop her off then pick her up? even if she has to give them £20 for petrol.
Has she asked her parents?

It sounds like she has just though 'I can't get the bus, I'm not paying for a taxi but that's fine because Felicity will sort me out'.

Just say "I'm sorry but we don't have room for you in our car, we would love for you to come so I really hope you can find someone to give you a lift"

Good luck. Flowers

StrawberryMojito · 26/08/2014 21:11

She needs to leave the child with her dad/alternative. She is right, there is no way I would be able to manage a 2 year old and a toddler car seat on a bus.

Redglitter · 26/08/2014 21:11

I'd say to her you're really sorry you've tried to help but all the cars are full and you hope she can work something out cos it would be lovely to see her.

you're being completely reasonable in wanting to be in the same car as your hubby.

You've invited her to your special day it's not your responsibility to transport guests. As someone else said I bet when you say you can't take her then she'll suddenly find someone else to help out.

nocabbageinmyeye · 26/08/2014 21:11

Its 24 miles not 240 miles!!!

Original poster
FelicityFoxton · 26/08/2014 21:12

I've got the solution !!!!

I will collect the huge car seat from her. I will shove it in the boot of my car. She will get on a bus with her dd and do the journey of 12 miles to the registry office. From there , I can accommodate her with another guest in their car as they have two spaces ( they cannot collect her as they're driving in from afar but they're coming back to our house after the meal

OP posts:
silverstreak · 26/08/2014 21:13

It sounds like she's kind of acting like a teenager, in that she still expected people to take care of things for her and pick up after her..... I have a relative like this, huge sense of entitlement that was just borne of a total lack of empathy/consideration for any one else due to living with my dad well into her 30s. She's moved out now and is a bit better but will still expect lifts/handouts if she is in need without any thought to WHY whomever she's asking should provide to their detriment what she is just unable to, for whatever reason..... Trouble is, she asks, and lo and behold she gets as noone (mainly my parents) want to say no as they feel guilty. So she never learns that people may not do her bidding so never sees the need to sort things out herself..... And so it continue!

So, IMHO you should say No, and why, as nicely and sympathetically as you can muster - that you're really sorry you can't, but that it's your Wedding Day so it's really important to you to be traveling with your future hubby, and plus you don't want to drive as you would like to have a celebratory drink (whether or not it's true I totally think she should reserve the right to do so should you so wish). Maybe offer to help her find childcare as well? If you can get her to really see it from your angle you may succeed...?!

Good luck.... I get the feeling this is mostly about how your daughter will take to this and so you will end up driving anyway, bless you, but bloody hell people like this (sister, not daughter obv!) Irritate me!!! :(

Mintyy · 26/08/2014 21:13

Good. How nice.

nocabbageinmyeye · 26/08/2014 21:14

Tenner says that's not good enough for her

WeAreEternal · 26/08/2014 21:15

Could you take her DD in your car and leave her to get the bus alone?

Lweji · 26/08/2014 21:16

Excellent, but hadn't she said it was out of the bus routes?

slithytove · 26/08/2014 21:16

Good for you.

Definitely don't take 2 cars.

However, depending on the size of your car, you could squeeze DD, DDsis, DDdN in the back for the sake of a half hour journey.

I've done it in a corsa with DS in a big car seat, me, and mil. And I was heavily pregnant :)

silverstreak · 26/08/2014 21:16

Sorry about typos/poo grammes, btw..... Swype + poor proof-reading clearly = marginal literacy! Oops..! :)

slithytove · 26/08/2014 21:17

Excellent suggestion from eternal

FatimaLovesBread · 26/08/2014 21:17

kimaroo there are 6 people, no matter how you arrange them they aren't going to fit in a 5 seater car

Solution sounds good OP, see what she says

StrawberryMojito · 26/08/2014 21:17

You're a genius, and a very nice one at that.

If she complains about that, all my sympathy for her has gone.

Kimaroo · 26/08/2014 21:17

Still don't know why there can't be three in the back.... Ok, bit cramped but doable I would have said.

Hassled · 26/08/2014 21:18

Oh stick to your guns - it's your special day and of course you want to be in the same car as your husband. You don't need to be able to explain why or justify it. Your DD will work it out when it comes to her own wedding.

How about you give her the cash for the taxi to the registry office (the first 12 miles) and then she's on her own re getting a lift from there to the pub with one of the other guests?

Kimaroo · 26/08/2014 21:18

Six? Who else is going then? I thought there was five of them.

Hassled · 26/08/2014 21:18

X post - great solution. Have a lovely day - hope it all goes well.

gobbynorthernbird · 26/08/2014 21:20

Surely OP just taking the DD would mean her looking after the toddler for a significant amount of time, while SD is messing around with buses etc?

I second the suggestion (if you can afford it) of paying for a cab for the first leg.

DoJo · 26/08/2014 21:22

YAY! Glad this all worked out - you were completely not unreasonable, but it could have really soured your special day if you ended up with bad feeling over the transport arrangements. (Also, I was just about to suggest someone collecting the car seat when I saw your latest update, so I am feeling a little smug about my problem solving skills.) Congratulations! Enjoy your wedding...

Inertia · 26/08/2014 21:22

This is your wedding day. Of course you should be in the car with your husband. Don't be pressured into taking two cars.

This woman is a grown adult , it's not as though a child would be sat at home alone. She could ask her boyfriend or father to rearrange their plans to take her, rather than rejig your entire wedding.

Or perhaps you could suggest that you will chip in a tenner for her taxi if her father and boyfriend do the same, and perhaps she could pack in tge fags for a couple of weeks.

Does your daughter have a part time job ? Could she donate a fiver for the taxi ?

Purplepoodle · 26/08/2014 21:22

Take car seat in your boot and she can meet you at the registry office where you can sort her a lift

HorraceTheOtter · 26/08/2014 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swipe left for the next trending thread