To ask you all for your favourite bad joke?

[differentkindofpenguin]

I'm sorry for terrible misuse of AIBU but I'm in work, I'm annoyed, I'm stressed and I have a million things on my mind. I need cheering up!

Here's mine

What's green and brown and if falls out of a tree it can kill you?

A snooker table

Oo go on then Pedantmaria

What is a pirate's favourite designer label?

Sorry I left out the n, pedant, but it is early ha!

The fireman one made me pee myself.... Must be 5am!

What's green and smells like red paint?

Green paint

giggles to self

What did the inflatable teacher say to the inflatable student who brought a drawing pin into the inflatable school?

'you've let me down, you've let the school down, but worst of all you've let yourself down.

Ba boom tish.

www.tickld.com/x/20-jokes-so-terrible-theyre-actually-funny-14-is-gold

Aaarrrrmani!

Two packets of crisps are walking down the street, when a car pulls up alongside them.
The driver asks, "do you want a lift?"
And the crisps say, "no thanks, we're Walkers. "

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The holocaust you prick

Second time I've put that on MN recently......

I'm deaf in both ears.

Never thought I'd hear myself say that.

Got run over by a steam train the other day..... I was chuffed to bits.

(Tim vine I think..)

-Do you know my dog's got no nose?
-How does he smell?
-Terrible!

Straightened him out...

Who?

Oliver Twist!

I was just taking the piss out of my dad for saying that at least once a day for the past twenty years!

Why did the scarecrow get an award ......
because he was outstanding in his field

I really object to all this sex on the telly.

I keep falling off.

Viagra light.

For men who just want a wank.

Viagra eye drops.

Make you look hard.

What is minced but lumpy and runs on rails?

An under ground train.

Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field..

I expect I'll be told off for this one but it's the only joke I can remember (it's not a dirty joke).

What's black, frizzled and hangs from the ceiling?

It's an old one.

What cheese can tempt a bear out of hibernation?
Cam em, bert.

Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast? Because one egg is un oeuf.

What do you call a dear with no eyes? No eye deer. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye dear.

Went to the butchers, he said to me "I bet you £50 you can't reach that beef on the top shelf".

I said "Sorry, the stakes are too high".

2 fish in a tank. One says to the other "do you know how to drive this thing?"

Tah dah!