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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I nearly killed myself today

476 replies

PepsiTwirl · 25/08/2014 23:48

Really sorry but put here for traffic.

I put it in mental health a couple of hours ago but noone responded.

I was going to kill myself , but just as I was about to take tablets, my partner walked in.

DP knows I'm having a hard time, but not this hard.

We spoke for abit, and cried together. DP now asleep and need to talk

(I added a symbol to a random thread to make sure name change had worked)

OP posts:
Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 02:54

My fridge is boring.

Altho it does have yesterday's doggy bag left overs from a lovely restaurant my partner took me to last night

OP posts:
DD85 · 26/08/2014 02:54

I love night time cereal. My favourite are frosties, probably because they're bad for me :)

oldnewmummy · 26/08/2014 02:54

Any nice chocolates in there?

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 02:54

Last night being Sunday evening

OP posts:
DD85 · 26/08/2014 02:54

That's sounds nice, what did you have to eat at the restaurant? Xx

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 02:55

I just had a twirl my partner bought me earlier

OP posts:
oldnewmummy · 26/08/2014 02:55

Mine has leftover chorizo and seafood stew - a recipe I got from MN. Very good if you've never tried it.

CautiousVisitor · 26/08/2014 02:56

Mmm, I have Weetos in the kitchen (grown up I know!)

The only problem is I am weirdly wimpy about going into rooms with exposed windows in the dark and we don't have curtains / blinds in the kitchen. (Yes, I am still afraid of the sodding dark).

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 02:56

We also have chorizo. I'm not keen

OP posts:
Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 02:57

I avoid windows with nothing up....

In my house, the blinds, curtains all get closed, when it's dusk. I'm a wimp too

OP posts:
DD85 · 26/08/2014 02:58

Cautious visitor, I am exactly the same with windows and dark! And I don't like walking upstairs with darkness behind me, I do a little nervous run Grin

Ludoole · 26/08/2014 02:58

Sweetheart you dont deserve to be going through this.
You were a baby. 9 years old. You did nothing wrong.
Dont let this destroy you. There is help out there.
Your partner would hate for you to have these thoughts.

Talk to him!!!!
You deserve to be happy. You are wanted. You are needed. You are loved. Xxx

oldnewmummy · 26/08/2014 02:58

I'm really nosey and love looking into people's windows when they leave their curtains open at night.

Ludoole · 26/08/2014 03:00

I have smoked cheese in my fridge btw. Devoured in 4 bites.... x

CautiousVisitor · 26/08/2014 03:01

Well that proves I'm not weird then. :) I think it means we're more sensible, you know, listening to some ancient instinct that the dark can hide dangerous things. (Like... pumas. I have an irrational fear of escaped big cats, probably thanks to my parents telling me loads of cock-and-bull stories about puma sightings near our house).

Actually a book that very much helped me with depression explained it in evolutionary terms. It was saying how depression "evolved" because it helped for a human brain to protect itself emotionally - if it was hurt, it attempted to temporarily shut down emotions and other emotional connections whilst that emotional hurt healed. But depression is sort of an over-evolved form of this protection mechanism, and it turns in on itself.

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 03:03

I'm allergic to cheese!Hmm Confused

OP posts:
DD85 · 26/08/2014 03:04

That book sounds really interesting!

oldnewmummy · 26/08/2014 03:04

Is it the lactose you're allergic to?

Coumarin · 26/08/2014 03:05

I always look in people's windows when the lights are on and curtains open. I'm clearly a right nosy mare. Blush I keep it to a side eye glance but I'd love to pull up a chair and have a right look really.

Actually a friend of mine goes waking at dusk and says seeing into other people's living rooms etc really helps her depression. Makes her feel less alone I think.

Glad you've eaten Pepsi I find eating something with protein in it helps my anxiety if I'm having an attack. The milk on your cereal would be good for that.

I close all our curtains as soon as the sun starts to set. It's nice to shut out the world and be safe and cosy in your own home.

oldnewmummy · 26/08/2014 03:06

Here in Australia (Perth) I don't know anyone except us that actually has curtains!

CautiousVisitor · 26/08/2014 03:07

The book is Overcoming Depression: A self-help guide using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques by Paul Gilbert.

My DP struggled a lot with me having depression and had difficulty knowing how to help. We read the book together and I think it helped him to understand better what was going on for me and how to support me.

DD85 · 26/08/2014 03:09

Thanks cautious. A better understanding always helps doesn't it. X

Ludoole · 26/08/2014 03:13

If I were you I would go and get next to dp and breathe him in. My guess is that his dreams involve you. Meet him there.
I do this often.
When I cant tell him how I feel, I just lay next to him and hold him and tell him while hes sleeping anyway...

DD85 · 26/08/2014 03:14

Baby steps Pepsi, keep talking xx

nocoolnamesleft · 26/08/2014 03:14

I keep them closed on the side there's a road/people, but open on the seaward side. There's something about the sea, in all her changing moods, that brings me a little peace on bad days. Tonight I can't see the moon, but there are some stars out. There are lighthouses (I can spot 2 at the moment) flashing "keep safe", and I think one light is a fishing boat. Earlier, the sky was burnt orange, fading to salmon pink, reflecting off the water. Do you have a favourite/safe place you can picture in your mind?