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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I nearly killed myself today

476 replies

PepsiTwirl · 25/08/2014 23:48

Really sorry but put here for traffic.

I put it in mental health a couple of hours ago but noone responded.

I was going to kill myself , but just as I was about to take tablets, my partner walked in.

DP knows I'm having a hard time, but not this hard.

We spoke for abit, and cried together. DP now asleep and need to talk

(I added a symbol to a random thread to make sure name change had worked)

OP posts:
Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 02:39

I probably would of said

'I can't cope anymore, I don't want to be here anymore, I need help, but don't want to actually 'speak out loud' to anyone.
For him to hold me, to need me, to want me

OP posts:
Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 02:40

God, I sound pathetic

OP posts:
oldnewmummy · 26/08/2014 02:41

No you don't, you just sound scared.

Sometimes saying out loud takes too much energy.

CautiousVisitor · 26/08/2014 02:41

I know what you mean about not wanting to speak out loud. It feels so different to write something on the internet than to actually say the words.

But, do you think you could bring yourself to go say those words to him, right now?

nocoolnamesleft · 26/08/2014 02:41

You don't sound pathetic. you sound like you're hurting. Those are very different things.

CautiousVisitor · 26/08/2014 02:42

You don't sound pathetic at all.

Could you wake him up and ask him to read this thread?

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 02:42

I can feel the pulse in my head! Vibrating into my ear, what the hell is that about....Shock

OP posts:
differentkindofpenguin · 26/08/2014 02:43

Not pathetic at all.

Wake him up, he would be glad you did. He sounds lovely

oldnewmummy · 26/08/2014 02:43

Your heart beating because of the adrenaline and because you're scared.

If you can't tell him, could you just get into bed and hold him?

crazyauntie · 26/08/2014 02:44

Could you wake him and text him saying that you can't say it out loud but.... Just a idea, sometimes a text is easier than talking

Ludoole · 26/08/2014 02:44

He wants you. He needs you. You need to tell him how you're feeling and im pretty sure he would hold you...
Dont be alone. He loves you but he cant read minds... tell him.

DD85 · 26/08/2014 02:44

That was so honest and exactly how ive felt recently. I had a bad night and ended up ringing a close friend. Its hard to admit those feelings and you are really brave. You need someone to help you through though and no one can do that until you open up to them. Sending you a big hug and strength to help you. Thanks

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 02:46

DD85. sending it back to u!Thanks Thanks

OP posts:
CautiousVisitor · 26/08/2014 02:46

Your DP is in shock and probably very unsure about what to do. I know it's a huge amount to ask you to do but you need to tell him what he can do to help you. If that's just "hold me" then that's all it takes.

oldnewmummy · 26/08/2014 02:46

Have you got any plans for tomorrow?

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 02:48

No plans at all for the next 10 minutes, the next hour, a day, a week, a month, a year.

Nothing

OP posts:
Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 02:49

Thinking about my eurlology.
And songs and hymns I would like.

My mum chose what she wanted to have at her funeral.

I want to chose too

OP posts:
DD85 · 26/08/2014 02:49

Go get snuggled up with your DP, its morning soon and a new day. Keep taking little baby steps an you will slowly get stronger. It's not easy I know but you can do it xx

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 02:49

Feeling to calm, it's scary!

OP posts:
oldnewmummy · 26/08/2014 02:50

So let's put our heads together and think of something nice to do tomorrow?

You're in London? Any good exhibitions on? Cinema for a rom com and a big bucket of popcorn?

Coumarin · 26/08/2014 02:50

I'm by the sea too. I can't swim but find walking beside it very calming.

Pepsi Look at all the love and kindness on here, it's there because we know what you are feeling. Maybe we haven't been through the exact things you have but a lot of us have felt that despair. And here we are on the other side of it, waving to you so you can make it too. It will pass. It will.

I know you can't believe that now but please hold on to that thought. This will pass. One day you will be okay again. One step after another and eventually you'll be ok again. I promise with all my heart.

DD all that goes for you too. It'll be okay.

xxx

CautiousVisitor · 26/08/2014 02:51

Make them. Make plans for the next minute, and then the minute after that. Work your way up to planning for the next hour, then the next day.

They don't have to be big plans. They could be: I will refresh Mumsnet this next minute. Or: I will go get a glass of water. And if you don't do those things, that's ok. But make those plans. :)

Coumarin · 26/08/2014 02:51

Have you eaten?

Coumarin · 26/08/2014 02:52

Can you stand up right now?

Then walk to your kitchen, turn on the light and open your fridge?

What's in there that you could nibble on?

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 02:52

Had cereal not to long ago. Thank you

OP posts:
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