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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I nearly killed myself today

476 replies

PepsiTwirl · 25/08/2014 23:48

Really sorry but put here for traffic.

I put it in mental health a couple of hours ago but noone responded.

I was going to kill myself , but just as I was about to take tablets, my partner walked in.

DP knows I'm having a hard time, but not this hard.

We spoke for abit, and cried together. DP now asleep and need to talk

(I added a symbol to a random thread to make sure name change had worked)

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2014 17:24

I agree with going to the Police Pepsi and turning your negative thoughts and feelings into positive actions like reporting him.

fluffyduffydoo · 27/08/2014 18:52

Pepsi you are not alone in being someone who goes back to the abuser/absuer's house etc

It is called traumatic bonding and is very common in situations of abuse

The NSPCC have a team who take calls, listen and give advice to adults who were abused in childhood. You can remain anonymous if you wish.

Their number is 0808 800 5000

From their website

*Effects on adults who suffered abuse as a child

Some adults may recover from abuse or neglect in childhood, however others may experience feelings or problems such as:

depression and other mental health issues
anger, sadness or low self-esteem
substance use
disturbing thoughts, emotions and memories that cause distress or confusion
poor physical health
worrying their abuser is still in the community and has access to children or young people
struggling with parenting or relationships.*

You are not alone, the way you are feeling is totally normal given what happened and the good news is there is a way to change it, there is a way to exorcise the demons and reclaim for yourself all the parts of you that horrible disgusting abuser took away from you at 9 years old.

Flowers
Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 27/08/2014 21:16

Thank you everyone

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Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 27/08/2014 22:25

Think Iv scared people away

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 27/08/2014 22:49

Of course you haven't. You're already sounding stronger.

I'm here for a bit - don't stop talking if you need to talk.

triplets · 27/08/2014 23:23

Hi Pepsi........I have been reading your posts all day. I didnt want to keep posting as I felt we were all telling you the same thing over and over and it may be putting you under pressure. I am just very glad every time I see a post from YOU! Do you have a job Pepsi, you dont have to say what it is, I just wondered. When Matthew died and my husband went back to work I was hours on my own in this empty house, I didn't want to go out and face people, but I didn`t want to stay in alone. So my answer was to find a job that needed doing and work hard at it until I exhausted myself. Twenty years later I still find myself doing that it helps me to forget, it makes the time pass and I have achieved something even if its only a clean cooker!! I truly hope you are finding some inner peace tonight. xx

Coumarin · 27/08/2014 23:33

I was thinking about you again today. Sorry I haven't been able to add anything I thought would be helpful to you but I have been thinking about you. Xx

Coumarin · 27/08/2014 23:34

Triplets that advice has made me think too actually. X

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 27/08/2014 23:38

I have got a job. But not working this week

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Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 27/08/2014 23:39

Partner just come in. It's been a long day... Which most of it I have slept

OP posts:
Coumarin · 27/08/2014 23:41

That is a long day.

Perhaps you needed the sleep. You're poorly, you need to be gentle with yourself.

I wish I was your mate and could pop round to help you properly. I'm up the other end of the country though so don't worry Smile

triplets · 27/08/2014 23:49

I had a lovely day in London Pepsi last Weds, my sil lives in Finchley. She took me to the Tower of London to see all the poppies, amazing! Have you seen them? Then we walked up to Covent Garden, it was a beautiful day and the place was so alive. Then we had super 2 course lunch for £8.50p in a little place called Bistro 1, very good food an so reasonable. There is so much to see and do...................I only I had the money! Would love to go to the theatre but it so expensive, do you go Pepsi?

triplets · 27/08/2014 23:50

excuse the errors, I type and it doesn`t seem to keep up with me, and that makes no sense :o

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 27/08/2014 23:56

I love London town and am often there...

partner often takes me to the theatre and we have seen alot of different things.

I haven't seen the poppies, was going to go and then didn't

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Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 28/08/2014 00:08

I suppose to have done so much around the house today and didn't, and now I feel bad

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triplets · 28/08/2014 00:10

Oh Pepsi you must go and see them, I found it really moving. My 16 yr old daughter wants to go up for a day , she wants to go to a market, she is into Goth things and Art, any suggestions, I haven`t a clue!

triplets · 28/08/2014 00:12

Pepsi I havent done anything for days except cook, dont feel bad, the ironing etc will still be there tomorrow!

triplets · 28/08/2014 00:16

The only show I have seen is Les Mis an thought it was amazing. We saw The Phantom of the Opera in Las Vegas, my kids were only 9 then and they jumped up and clapped and clapped, they loved it. We just cannot afford for 5 of us to go here, its such a shame.

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 28/08/2014 00:36

Unsure about goth markets
Google 'Markets in London'

OP posts:
MrsSlave · 28/08/2014 00:36

Thinking of you Pepsi. I have suffered with depression since the age of 16! I understand this deep dark hole. I am here if you want/need to talk.
Thanks Thanks

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 28/08/2014 00:38

I like Spitalfields market and Camden market

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Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 28/08/2014 00:40

Also portobello road Market and Bricklane market are good

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Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 28/08/2014 00:41

I'm in bed and the sound of DP's breathing is rather soothing

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triplets · 28/08/2014 00:46

Then I will leave you in peace, sweet dreams . xx

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 28/08/2014 00:49

Triplets...

Thank you so much for all your support over the last few days.
Your words really do hit home.

Many thanks

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