Page 6 | To hope that I can ask about FF without being shot down in flames?

Darksideofthemoon88 · 2014-08-23T11:58:15+00:00

I'm interested in WHY people choose to FF if not for medical reasons (ie they can't because of medication they have to take, or because their baby was very premature and is unable to suckle) - I've seen a lot of threads where people assert that FF was best for them/their family/their baby or that they chose to FF without trying BF, and I'm curious as to why. *Genuinely curious* I'm not interested in fighting with anyone about what's best or right; I'd just like to read about why people FF because I honestly don't know. In the interests of full disclosure though (I know how MNs feel about this! [grin] ), I am a breastfeeding mother.

Mrsjayy · 23/08/2014 16:15

Feeling of Superiority is why they judge

Aeroflotgirl · 23/08/2014 16:18

Thank god for the formula us all I can say, it is quite literally a lifesaver!

rosemaryfuchsia · 23/08/2014 16:20

I get that, about the bullying and superiority. I've often also wondered if there is something else though.
BF, lets face it, can be very very hard work. Is it that some people have had such a fecking hard time persisting with it, through gritted teeth, that they're gonna damn well make all us FF feel bad about it come hell or high water.

WorraLiberty · 23/08/2014 16:21

You the most ironic thing about all this BF/FF arguing?

Approximately 1 in 3 kids are starting school overweight/obese.

So either at some point parent's eyes are being taken off the ball massively, or such huge angst about what kids are fed in their early years, really is just an MN thing and not particularly a real life thing?

My boobs are aching but that's because I need a bra intervention.

Ijustworemytrenchcoat · 23/08/2014 16:21

I will admit to being judgy before I was a mum. I too didn't understand why anybody would want to FF instead: the faff of making bottles, the sterilising, the having to think about it instead of just going out and milk being 'on tap', the expense. I swallowed what I was told whole. I think it would be a good idea for the NHS, NCT etc. to actually inform people of how bloody difficult it can be. Even when breastfeeding is successful it can still be hard work/tiring/anxiety inducing as you can see in the breast and bottle feeding topic.

More fool me for judging, I am truly and will never judge again.

WorraLiberty · 23/08/2014 16:21

You *know

Aeroflotgirl · 23/08/2014 16:22

Worra my boobs are aching as dd has bitten them (dd7 has ASD)

MollyHooper · 23/08/2014 16:22

In my experience the people who judge tend to be the ones with the biggest insecurities. They appease their own guilt by making others feel guilty.

'At least I breastfed' can heal a lot of wounds.

It happens in all areas of motherhood. VB vs CS, drug free vs epidural, BF vs FF, WOHM vs SAHM and so on.

If you're happy and secure you really wouldn't give a fuck.

WorraLiberty · 23/08/2014 16:24

OUCH! Aero

ViviPru · 23/08/2014 16:24

That's what judgey people do. They make mothers feel anxious and almost ashamed of their choices.

Quite, and I feel fortunate that I'm indifferent to it. I'm too long in the tooth now to set any store by the opinions of those who I don't care about or who don't care about me. But I can imagine that many are made to feel anxious and ashamed, either way. Open discussion and honest dialogue like that found on this thread has the potential to make inroads into that though.

If people are open about the thought process/events which led them to opt to FF then hopefully that will lead to understanding and acceptance for those who follow that may otherwise be made to feel anxious and ashamed.

scottishmummy · 23/08/2014 16:25

No.thats the logic applied to any heated discussion on MN.people get heated cause they care
We all generally think we are doing right thing,and will defend our choices
Of course things get heated,doesn't mean anyone is insecure.means it matters to the person

Aeroflotgirl · 23/08/2014 16:25

I know they are big and she seems to like them, I'll be lying with her in GED suddenly she will bit my boobs ouch

Aeroflotgirl · 23/08/2014 16:26

Bed doh

WorraLiberty · 23/08/2014 16:26

I agree ViviPru

Even if I had a can of polish and a laxative, I still couldn't give a shiny shit what others think of my choices.

It's awful to see that some others do though, and at a time when they have a new baby to cope with too.

Tikimon · 23/08/2014 16:26

I FF because BF hurt and it wasn't helping me bond. It was doing the opposite. I was dreading hearing my baby cry. FF is more relaxing for me because I can rock her, make eye contact and cuddle her better while feeding her, instead of fidgeting with the right position the entire time.

Honestly, she's hitting all the milestones and is just as happy and healthy as my friend's BF baby.

And... FF is quicker. 10 minutes and a feed is done for a few hours. :)

ViviPru · 23/08/2014 16:27

P.S. Thanks Mrsjayy! Gone are they days when I can get on my high horse on the "Why would anyone who wasn't a parent be on Mumsnet" threads.....

Lesleythegiraffe · 23/08/2014 16:27

Deadcert you have just listed all the reasons I didn't BF - never tried and wasn't interested at all. At least when I had my kids there weren't BFing zealots trying to make me feel like a bad and inadequate mother.

scottishmummy · 23/08/2014 16:27

Even if I had a can of polish and a laxative, I still couldn't give a shiny shit what others think of my choices
Hahaso funny

Ev1lEdna · 23/08/2014 16:32

Even if I had a can of polish and a laxative, I still couldn't give a shiny shit what others think of my choices

Fortunately by the time I had my second I'd been through so much crap I felt the same way and the decision was far less emotional.

MollyHooper · 23/08/2014 16:33

SM, I have seen many posters come on a thread to judge someone's choices even though it has absolutely no relevance to what the OP is asking.

It just takes one buzz word to set them off, that sort of need for validation comes across as pretty insecure to me. What else would it be?

LittlePeaPod · 23/08/2014 16:34

even if I had a can of polish and a laxative, I still couldn't give a shiny shit what others think of my choices

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 23/08/2014 16:39

Someone on another thread described it to me as an insecurity in their parenting. Their child has to be the best. Their feeding method has to be not just the best, but the only one that works. If FF produces a happy, healthy child, what's to say it won't produce a "better" child than bf child? So insecure mum has to put all other methods down. Sad way to live :(

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 23/08/2014 16:39

Someone on another thread described it to me as an insecurity in their parenting. Their child has to be the best. Their feeding method has to be not just the best, but the only one that works. If FF produces a happy, healthy child, what's to say it won't produce a "better" child than bf child? So insecure mum has to put all other methods down. Sad way to live :(

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 23/08/2014 16:39

Someone on another thread described it to me as an insecurity in their parenting. Their child has to be the best. Their feeding method has to be not just the best, but the only one that works. If FF produces a happy, healthy child, what's to say it won't produce a "better" child than bf child? So insecure mum has to put all other methods down. Sad way to live :(

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 23/08/2014 16:39

Someone on another thread described it to me as an insecurity in their parenting. Their child has to be the best. Their feeding method has to be not just the best, but the only one that works. If FF produces a happy, healthy child, what's to say it won't produce a "better" child than bf child? So insecure mum has to put all other methods down. Sad way to live :(