To hope that I can ask about FF without being shot down in flames?

[Darksideofthemoon88]

I'm interested in WHY people choose to FF if not for medical reasons (ie they can't because of medication they have to take, or because their baby was very premature and is unable to suckle) - I've seen a lot of threads where people assert that FF was best for them/their family/their baby or that they chose to FF without trying BF, and I'm curious as to why. Genuinely curious I'm not interested in fighting with anyone about what's best or right; I'd just like to read about why people FF because I honestly don't know. In the interests of full disclosure though (I know how MNs feel about this! ), I am a breastfeeding mother.

Why are people being so unpleasant to mini!

Because she chose to derail the thread with judgy bollocks statements such as...

I'm not sure it's been particularly lucky for several generations of babies that the vast majority of their mothers have made a choice not to breastfeed when the vast majority are perfectly fit and able to do so.

And that was after stating that formula feeding is a 'problem'.

HTH

I was told to by the midwife who had been supporting me to bf. whatever we tried, it wasn't working and DS1 lost a dangerous amount of weight and was severely dehydrated and quite poorly.

I then bf dd1and dd2 - dd2 for a year.

I stopped bf DS2 after a gallbladder OP at 12 weeks which left me in hospital for several days and quite poorly. I tred to continue to bf but my milk just dried up.

Far from being problematic,ff can be an adequate safe choice.and it's how majority of Babies are safely fed

After 8 days DD wasn't gaining weight - MW diagnosed tongue tie and then we saw a lactation consultant who snipped it and also diagnosed breast hypoplasia in me, which explained my crap supply. So DD was never going to be exclusively BF from me.

I had thought we were doing everything right as she was feeding all the time. I can honestly say that I have never felt so low as I did in the first few months of DD's life as I dealt with my inability to exclusively BF her. That said, we mix fed until about 17 months, when she has weaned from the breast as I am pregnant.

I formula fed because I wanted to.

I wouldnt BF again.
When my milk dried up my ds was more settled, fell into a great routine, started sleeping through the night and had predictable feed times during the day.
When i bf him I was jealous of hes df as he seemed so much more settled with him, with me he was just looking for milk the whole time, its nice to just hold your baby with both tits firmly in your bra and not have them looking around for something.

Exactly worra, she made a completely pleasant thread into an attack, judging those who dud not bf. you don't know the circumstances behind a mother ff their baby. For a lot of mums it is not as easy as whipping a boob out and away you go, I wish it was, there are so many problems that a woman can face when trying to establish bf.

I didn't choose to ff dd3, dh did. I was unconscious in ICU after her birth and she needed to be fed. I bf my other dc.

Not the big faff it was made out to be and if I dare say it, more enjoyable than bf for me.

I ff ds1 because I didnt want to bf, hes a perfectly healthy adult now and I really don't care what anyone thinks of me not bf purely because I didnt want too.

Not that anyone in rl gives a toss

I agree this thread has been an interesting read and I believe the OP is genuinely curious rather than having a smug agenda. As a pregnant first-time Mum keen to gain knowledge and insight ahead of making my own choices, it's invaluable to hear how others arrived at theirs.

Castle's post makes a convincing point, although her parent-centric argument stops short at accepting that often in "putting the Mothers' needs above those of the baby" is often actually in the best interests of the baby if it means the FF-ing mother remains emotionally healthy and stable.

Rosemary's post resounds with me. I would potentially feel more social anxiety were I to FF from the start than any discomfort at publicly BFing. BFing feels like the more socially accepted norm in my circles, but I observe that this varies wildly across the UK. But thankfully, I couldn't give two shits what anyone thinks of me or my choices, frankly.

I think much of it is about confidence. Confidence to trust one's instincts and resist any pressure from either camp. I'm probably in the older new Mum bracket now, and as such have seen many friends and family members go through this stage so I have seen pretty much every permeation. I definitely intend to try BFing as I have no strong desire not to, I have no personal problems with the 'idea' of it which I appreciate many do.

I'm lucky not to have any domestic pressures which will influence me one way or another, no older DC, no rush to get back to work, loads of support. There's no real reason not to BF and I plan to give it my best shot. That said, if for whatever reason it feels like it's not for me, I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

A parent isn't defined by mode feeding,it's become an irrational obsession for some
Another stick to beat women with.as naturally it's portrayed as maternal failing,or unwillingness to put oneself out
Although I do find the histrionics funny like the one who said her boobs ached for ff babies

I BF for 36 hours then moved onto formula. I always said I would try BF. I tried it, had lots of milk, baby latched fine but I decided I didn't want to BF and I choose to FF instead. Don't regret it or have any guilt about it.

Mini why don't you continue to BF, I will continue to FF and everyone else can do as they please. I can assure you most people on here FF don't give a flying F about your opinion.

I tried to bf my eldest. I had a traumatic birth and was in hospital for over 3 weeks afterwards with no end of assistance from midwives/bf 'experts'. I simply didn't produce enough milk, my premature baby was a lazy latch (I can say this with certainty as my second child wasn't and was also more premature). I was put on medication to help my milk come in more (Domperidone) but it didn't work. I tried to mix feed but ended up feeding from the breast, from a bottle and using a pump for the vast majority of the day. It wasn't working. I was desperate to breast feed, I hadn't considered an alternative and was devastated by the events. The combination of this feeling and the attitude of some of the bf 'experts' - one told me I was poisoning my child despite being aware of the medical situation - meant I ended up with severe PND.

With my second child who was also far more premature I was also in hospital ill for over 3 weeks (again) but this time he was in NICU. This one latched like a trooper and all seemed well but he was losing weight at a rate of knots and I had immense pressure put on me by the doctors to ff. Again, I didn't want to but the stress of the situation and what had happened with my first child meant I wasn't secure enough to stand up to the medics. I mixed fed for a while but ended up ff as this time I had a toddler too and I couldn't sustain the amount of time I spent feeding. I also went back into hospital for a few days to try and keep up the bf while my child's weight was monitored.

For years I found this an emotional issue and found debates and innocent questions like this hugely upsetting. Considerable time has passed and I know now that this decision isn't simply about putting 'your priorities above the baby's' as someone said above it can be far more complex than that. The nature of the issue, feeding one's child is fundamental to motherhood, especially when you are in the midst of that stage, it is why lunch box threads also take off in controversy. It makes people feel guilty and defensive or sometimes absurdly superior (and I say that because much of the time it isn't down to the parent but down to the child what they will and won't eat or indeed, down to circumstance.) At the end of it all it isn't as important as you first believe it to be, we all feed our babies and in the Western world we are lucky so many of them thrive.

Oh congrats viva

I would potentially feel more social anxiety were I to FF from the start than any discomfort at publicly BFing. BFing feels like the more socially accepted norm in my circles

That's what judgey people do. They make mothers feel anxious and almost ashamed of their choices.

As if having a young baby isn't enough to cope with...

Interesting thread.

When I was pregnant with DS in 2011, there was no question I was going to breastfeed. I totally took for granted however, how bloody hard I would find it. My nipples are small and flat and my boobs are big, I couldn't get the position right and DH would kind of have to push DS onto my boob. It was awful. When professionals said things like "hold your boob/nipple in this hand, and DS's head here in this hand" I was completely confused and all fingers and thumbs. Once I eventually got him latched, I'd sit there rigid that if I moved he'd come off and the whole process would begin again. I was also in shock after a traumatic birth and section and felt desperate to feed him, I just wanted to satisfy his basic need for food. So I moved onto FF. I felt like utter shit for months, and to my shame, allowed other Mum's and professionals to make me feel like I had failed and beat myself up for months. DS now a sturdy, intelligent, healthy 3 year old.

Just had DD 4 weeks ago and we did 4 days of BF. Was of the mind set when pregnant that I would give it a go and see how we went. I can now conclude the following:

I don't like breastfeeding my children.
I don't like the sensation.
I don't like the amount of time it takes and feel this severely impacts on my time with DS.
I don't like yet another physical impact on my body after being pregnant and having a section.
I want to wear clothes that I choose.
I want to get into some sort of routine fairly quickly.
I want to be able to leave my baby with my husband/mother/mother in law at some point in the not to distant future.
I don't like the idea of feeding in public. DISCLAIMER: I am in no way offended by others who do.
I don't want to express and feed from a bottle.
I want my body back and want the option to be independent at any time I choose.

If that makes me a selfish mother, up your arse. It makes me a happier Mum and I'm not answerable to anyone. This time, when people have asked me why I'm not BFing I have replied "because I didnt want to."

I like bottle feeding my baby.
I like looking into their eyes and talking to them and cuddling up with them.
I like them smiling at me whilst they're feeding and holding my hand.

All these things I know I could experience when BFing but for the reasons I have listed, BF doesn't work for me and my family.

I totally understand why people BF, and would never discourage a friend or anyone from BF. However, for me personally the only benefit I can see is it is free. I don't think there is detrimental about FF and no, I don't think my children will be obese/stupid/less bonded with their mothers.

What I do utterly object to however, is people judging or forming an opinion on FF without knowing the reasons why. My sister was diagnosed with bowel cancer 7 days after her son was born and had to stop BF immediately to begin treatment.

That's what judgey people do. They make mothers feel anxious and almost ashamed of their choices.

I have to say I felt this acutely with my first but I'm sure part of that was my state of mind at the time too.

Round my way you'd get easier time if you stuck joint in baby gob than a bottle
Bf for some has become obsessional crusade and they routinely berate ff

scottishmummy breasts aching for ff babies? This place gets stranger every day. Although certain parts of me ache for George Clooney .

Oh god Scottish who said that! Don't worry love, I don't think the babies cared less, their fed so they are happy.

I have read that before thought it was a mumsnet myth so somebody said that

What is the motivation for the judginess though? (is judginess a word?)

Oh yes someone proclaimed her boobs ached for ff babies,usual histrionics same ole

rosemary I think its a feeling of inadequacy, sort of how bullies put others down to make themselves feel better.

I had bleeding, shredded nipples on the first day. Try as we might no amount of Midwives, NCT councillors etc. could manage to get him latched on properly, it seemed ok then he slipped and went back to hanging on to just my nipple. I suspected tongue tie but just got knocked back. I lost the will to fight anymore.

I never intended to formula feed, I researched breastfeeding and went to courses on it but it just didn't work. He was miserable, I was exhausted and desperate. He was about to be hospitalised for weight loss. Looking back he looked so ill, he was getting hardly anything off me directly and surviving on small top ups of formula and expressed milk.

I would give anything to go back and just feed my boy anyway I could. For anybody struggling right now I would say formula is not the devil. Sometimes you can't just 'feed through it'. I don't think my son was cluster feeding to up my supply, he was trying his hardest to get anything at all. He would feed himself into a frenzy or fall asleep exhausted and want to feed again in five minutes time. I still haven't hot over the guilt of going on for so long with something that wasn't working.