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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hope that I can ask about FF without being shot down in flames?

999 replies

Darksideofthemoon88 · 23/08/2014 12:58

I'm interested in WHY people choose to FF if not for medical reasons (ie they can't because of medication they have to take, or because their baby was very premature and is unable to suckle) - I've seen a lot of threads where people assert that FF was best for them/their family/their baby or that they chose to FF without trying BF, and I'm curious as to why. Genuinely curious I'm not interested in fighting with anyone about what's best or right; I'd just like to read about why people FF because I honestly don't know. In the interests of full disclosure though (I know how MNs feel about this! Grin ), I am a breastfeeding mother.

OP posts:
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MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 23/08/2014 14:55

No I agree that culturally we're not totally 'for' breastfeeding, but I think it's a little off to suggest that formula fed people don't feel lucky that they were formula fed.

I hope my DD will one day feel lucky that she was formula fed, poor thing would've starved otherwise :( I felt the pressure to breastfeed was massive. I was so grateful for people like my uni lecturer telling me that they didn't breastfeed, it was a little bit of much-needed moral support.

WitchWay · 23/08/2014 15:05

Tiptops nipple stimulation turning me on Hmm

Bizarrely since stopping feeding I haven't enjoyed nipple sucking during sex at all Confused

rosemaryfuchsia · 23/08/2014 15:06

I'm enjoying this thread too. From a cultural point of view, I live in the sort of area where BF is the norm. Very middle class and naice.
It took me a good while to get to the point where I'm happy to say that 'Yes, I did prioritise my own needs in those first few months and making a choice to FF was part of that'
As I pointed out above, people on these threads, myself included, are heavily invested in their own parenting choices.

WorraLiberty · 23/08/2014 15:07

Haha! I was about to say how this thread has gone unusually well

Then minifingers started...

Aeroflotgirl · 23/08/2014 15:15

Mini that may be because in Third world countries they do not have access or access is limited to clean running water as we have here. It would be unsafe to make up formula, it is expensively a can of formula may be a month wages for that family, so obviously bf is cheaper. Also there are less nuclear families in third world counties, aunties, aunts, sisters and brothers live within very close proximity of each other, or with each other, so if a woman is finding bf difficult, her sister, friend or aunt may take over.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/08/2014 15:16

Tgey will wet nurse the child, here it is very difficult.

Caramelkate · 23/08/2014 15:17

I breast fed my birth children and as a foster carer I formal feed ( or occasionally do EBM). It's loads easier in all honesty. The sterilising and preparing of bottles is generally far more straightforward than sitting for hours breast feeding and establishing it in the early days, and you don't have to wean them off it when you go back to work! Nor is there the embarrassment of flashing or occasionally squirting bm over your father in law!

Once I had established feeding my birth children, it was fine. But you are always responsible, especially if they won't take a bottle. Formula feeding can be shared and is just more efficient - thigh just as bonding IME.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/08/2014 15:21

Oh mini please your judgy pants are causing a wedgy. I really hope that no new mother is readings this, who are struggling to bf and are feeling low about it, mini fingers posts will make them feel loads better. Yes if a mum is not able to bf in a developing country the babies die! It is good that we have formula to ensure that those mothers who fir any reason are not able to bf, that this does not happen!

Mrsjayy · 23/08/2014 15:23

I tried with d1 it just didn't happen I hated the senstion she didnt latch and was low birth weight I switched to formula in hospital (back then you were in a week after) dd was in scibu and tube fed I didn't pump or even to but she got colostrum and was the ff. I have mo guilt and the abuse I have read on here and other forums about non breastfeeding is disgusting

WorraLiberty · 23/08/2014 15:24

I think we may be in danger of allowing mini to turn it into 'that' sort of thread

Probably best not to react, so the thread doesn't go off on the usual tangent.

picnicbasketcase · 23/08/2014 15:25

I just didn't want to. I didn't like the idea of even doing it by myself let alone in public and worried that it would be painful. I wanted DH to be able to help out with feeds rather than having to do everything myself. I felt that my body had already changed enough with pregnancy. Nobody else in my family had ever BF so I wouldn't have had anyone to give me help or advice, and all family in both sides had always been very healthy so I had no fears of the DC having illnesses that could potentially be avoided by BFing. An awful lot of that is very selfish, I know.

Having said all that though, I have the utmost respect for women who do choose to. Smile

Roussette · 23/08/2014 15:31

Interesting. I BF DC1 for 6 weeks and DC2 not at all, only FF.

I had two big babies, DC1 was horrendous birth but I was determined to try BF. However, I just hated it because whatever I produced was just not enough (or seemed not to be), DC1 just cried for the whole 6 weeks of BF and I dreaded even trying to get her to latch on as she was just screaming too much. The BFing took over the bonding as it was all about that and I hated it.

Then I switched to FF and turned an unbelievable corner. DH shared in feeding. I started to love my baby uncontrollably and I vowed never to BF again. DH and I could share and it was wonderful, he just loved giving them both bottles. It is so much easier to have a routine with FF and both were sleeping 7pm-7am by about 11 weeks.

If I had persisted with BF or made myself do it against my gut feeling, I honestly don't think I would have had DC2.

fatlazymummy · 23/08/2014 15:31

I breastfed my 1st child for just under 3 weeks, until my nipples got really cracked and painful. I couldn't stand it any more, so went on to bottles. I just found it so much easier with no adverse affect to my baby, so I put my other 2 straight on to formula.
I'm just not into laying in bed, doing skin to skin, staying indoors and all the rest of it.I remember reading a thread on here a few months ago where new mothers were having to breastfeed every hour through the the night and thinking 'thank fuck I never had to do that'. I'm always a little bit surprised when people claim that breastfeeding is more convenient than formula feeding ,because I found the exact opposite.

scottishmummy · 23/08/2014 15:33

Done both ff and ff
Wanted to ff.its safe and adequate
Can get partner to feed too.so get asleep to with other stuff,attend other kids
A baby on the boob all day is tiring,boring. and felt chained to feeding.like being milked.

flanjabelle · 23/08/2014 15:36

I think sometimes you have to put your own emotional needs first in order to meet all your babies other needs. If I had continued to bf when it was causing me so much stress, I am sure I would have ended up with pnd. Putting my needs first meant that I could be the calm happy mum my dd needed me to be. I think that is more important than the difference between ff and bf.

scottishmummy · 23/08/2014 15:37

Have bf and ff.depends on your baby,their pattern,ability to latch and feed
No woman. Is defined by mode of feeding

Vinomum · 23/08/2014 15:39

I FF both DCs from day one. I know that for many people breastfeeding is one of the most important and natural parts of being a mother but I just found the whole idea and sensation really unpleasant. I tried once with DS1 and it felt totally weird and unnatural and not something I wanted to continue.

WorraLiberty · 23/08/2014 15:41

No woman. Is defined by mode of feeding

This ^^ absolutely

And I think in real life, no fucker cares how other Mothers choose to feed their own children.

All the angst and bosom hoiking is thankfully very much a Mumsnet thing ime.

Namechangedforthisohyesidid · 23/08/2014 15:42

Why are people being so unpleasant to mini! She hasn't been rude or deliberately inflammatory and everything she said is either completely true or her opinion which she is entitled to.

And yes BF is massively boring and a total pain in the backside and I can't wait to Stop. If it made me cry or feel
Desperately unhappy I would stop if I thought it was ruining the early days with my baby

Roussette · 23/08/2014 15:42

flanjabelle you put exactly what I was trying to say and not managing. Smile

I couldn't even hold DC1 after the birth so I didn't feel like I bonded. Couple that with trying to BF her and I was in a total mess. FF saved my sanity.

museumum · 23/08/2014 15:43

I bf but I can see that ff has the advantage of truly being able to split the baby care with the father, or even allowing the father to be primary career.
My dh did loads with ds but I still needed to be there every 2hrs at first, then every 3, then 4, then every evening/bedtime for a year. This was difficult in our family set up (We run a business and share childcare).
My ds rejected bottles at 3mo despite our best efforts, this would not have been the case if we'd ff from the street or from early on.

I wouldn't change what we did, but I can see why for some families bottles work well for shared childcare and I will NEVER underestimate the will of a bf baby who won't take a bottle.

Lj8893 · 23/08/2014 15:43

I was adament i was going to bf, i didn't have any idea how hard it was going to be till i actually did it!
dd had a very traumatic birth and actually stopped breathing on my breast within an hour of her birth, and ended up in scbu. We weren't then able to try to bf again till she was about 24 hours old, in certain that this all impacted my ability to bf.
in the 4 days we were both in hospital for (still bf) dd dropped a lb in weight and became jaundiced. Within a night of being at home i was in prices and crying till dp ran to the shop and grabbed a selection of formulas and bottles. The relief when she actually drank for more than a minute and then settled for the first time was immense.
we spent another week bf in the day and ff at night until she just dropped the breast and we continued ff exclusively.
if i was to have another dc i would try to bf again as (hopefully!!) the situation will be better, but i wont beat myself up if it doesn't work. Ff has worked brilliantly for all of us, dd is very healthy, extremley happy (very rarely crys, always smiling) and we have an incredible bond.

landrover · 23/08/2014 15:43

I FF, never wanted to consider breast feeding, the thought made me feel sick, sorry, what can I say! I can't bear watching somebody breast feed either, I just feel Yeuch!! (I realise that I am odd!!!! and I would never let anybody see how i felt of course)

ArcheryAnnie · 23/08/2014 15:46

I did both, bf and ff. Bf because it was easy and ff when DS was still hungry.

landrover my mum felt the same way, found the idea of it made her shudder! She didn't bf any of us, and we all survived.

Mrsjayy · 23/08/2014 15:46

You are right worra nobody is that bothered in the real world how any mum feeds her baby the under 5s group I work at the babies are just fed bottle or breast nobody comments or gives a hoot