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Original poster

To hope that I can ask about FF without being shot down in flames?

999 replies

Darksideofthemoon88 · 23/08/2014 12:58

I'm interested in WHY people choose to FF if not for medical reasons (ie they can't because of medication they have to take, or because their baby was very premature and is unable to suckle) - I've seen a lot of threads where people assert that FF was best for them/their family/their baby or that they chose to FF without trying BF, and I'm curious as to why. Genuinely curious I'm not interested in fighting with anyone about what's best or right; I'd just like to read about why people FF because I honestly don't know. In the interests of full disclosure though (I know how MNs feel about this! Grin ), I am a breastfeeding mother.

OP posts:
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Deverethemuzzler · 25/08/2014 19:13

I was on a thread on a site once where someone said that being an adoptive mother or have a double mastectomy was not a 'good enough' reason to not BF.

Although, in the interests of balance, I have been on a thread where people have said BF is disgusting and unnatural and something only dirty animals do.

takes all sorts innit?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 25/08/2014 19:14

Having a difficult delivery is not something someone would choose.
It is not a personal failure.
Being unable to bf but wanting to is not a choice. Neither is it a failure

Choosing to have a cs is a choice. It is not a personal failure. But its not the same as wanting a "natural" birth and then needing a cs.
Choosing to ff is not a personal failure.but it is not the same as choosing to bf and then being unable to.

The latter two couldn't ever be described imho as personal failures because they were choices.

Some ppl have suggested they feel they have failed or feel other ppl think they have failed if they couldn't give birth naturally or of they couldn't bf, despite having wanted to have a natural birth or to bf. that is why i said that being unsuccessful was not a personal failure.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 25/08/2014 19:16

Well that is what you were suggesting devere. And i dont have the energy to debate it.

bearfrills · 25/08/2014 19:20

That is not a bf mother or advocate saying that ffers don't understand the benefits of bf. its ffers saying they don't believe them.

I am simply remarking that the "don't care how babies are fed" remarks came from ffers

Allow me to debunk your comments.

DS1. FF, from birth. I didn't try BF, I didn't want to try BF, I didn't like the idea of BF. Very happy with my choice.

DD. Tried BF, neither of us liked it very much, FF from a couple of weeks old.

DS2. Breastfed. Had a few FF feeds in the early days, currently EBF.

  1. I'm a BFer and I don't believe in the benefits of breast milk. I think that over a lifetime any slight benefits gained are completely negated many, many other influences. Environment, diet, upbringing, life experiences and more play a far larger part than what sort of milk was provided in the first six months of life. There is no discernible difference between my three children. They all hit their milestones at roughly the same age, they're all healthy and happy and they seem pretty well adjusted. This leads me to believe that it's how they're raised that matters, not whether they're FF or BF.
  1. I'm a BFer And I really honestly and truly don't care how babies are fed, so long as they are in fact fed. If your baby is hungry it makes no odds to me whether you whip out a boob or whip out a bottle of cow and gate. It's all love. Hurray for babies being loved and fed.
  1. I've been pushing a buggy for five years now, of bloody course I'm going to research my choice and decide which is right for me! Have you seen how many buggies there are to choose from!? Hundred and hundreds and they have different feels and styles and features. It can be one of the most expensive baby purchases and the one you use longest. You wouldn't buy a car without doing research, would you? Whereas feeding has two choices - boob or bottle. Minimal research needed, you just pick one, whichever one works best for you. If you were feeling really torn you could even flip a coin and the jobs done.
  1. My pare ting is styled around taking the path of least resistance. Why make life difficult for yourself and those around you? It's not worth the stress and that includes feeding. If it's easier for you to FF then FF, if it's easier for you to BF then BF. Make your choice and leave me to mine, so long as I'm not feeding my baby meth it's none of your business.
bearfrills · 25/08/2014 19:22

Oh, and my most recent delivery was an ELCS - out of my three deliveries it's the one I enjoyed most too.

Deverethemuzzler · 25/08/2014 19:23

No I wasn't.
And it isn't the energy you lack to debate it.

It is an understanding of the complexities around how advertising affects us and why. If you did you wouldn't have answered my 'so why did I BF' with 'I don't know'

You have a very simplistic view. If you are going to make simplistic statements be prepared to have them challenged.

If you can show me any sort of proof that women FF in the UK purely down to the advertising described up thread please show me.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 25/08/2014 19:26

That is an interesting addition bearfrill
But it doesn't debunk my comment.
Someone said that bf advocates accused ffers of not caring about how babies are fed so i remarked that on this thread the comments about not caring how babies are fed, or not not mattering how a baby is fed, came from ffeeding women.

LittlePeaPod · 25/08/2014 19:27

I was on a thread on a site once where someone said that being an adoptive mother or have a double mastectomy was not a 'good enough' reason to not BF.

FFS this goes beyond ignorant or even dogged obsession to win a discussion at all costs. This simply heads into the realm of utter stupidity. Very irritating. Angry

TheRealAmandaClarke · 25/08/2014 19:30

I dont have a simplistic view. I just don't agree that the presence of formula advertising doesn't affect the rates of bf,.
I was glib in my response because no, i don't have the energy to debate that point with you.

I imagine you are suggesting i don't have the intelligence to debate it with you. But i don't care what you think about my IQ so that doesn't trouble me.

Now, whether you believe me or not, I really do have to go get some work done.

bearfrills · 25/08/2014 19:31

But why should anyone care what someone else is feeding their baby so long as the baby is being fed an appropriate baby milk!? It's none of their business. Mind your own baby and leave everyone else to mind theirs.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 25/08/2014 19:31

I didn't say it was purely down to advertising. I agreed with someone else that advertising influenced our feeding choices.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 25/08/2014 19:34

Well some ppl are interested in public health issues.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 25/08/2014 19:34

I really have to work. I dont want to be rude by not replying but i have to log off.

LittlePeaPod · 25/08/2014 19:35

Someone said that bf advocates accused ffers of not caring about how babies are fed so i remarked that on this thread the comments about not caring how babies are fed, or not not mattering how a baby is fed, came from ffeeding women.

I said this and I was specifically referring to Mini comment where IMO she was implying FF parents don't care how babies are fed. I did clarify this further up the thread.

bearfrills · 25/08/2014 19:40

Well some ppl are interested in public health issues.

Do you say negative things to overweight people, smokers or drinkers about their choices? To their faces?

soverylucky · 25/08/2014 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 25/08/2014 19:44

Hang on. I haven't said negative things to anyone about their feeding choices.
I haven't made any judgements.

Oh shit.
Right. Logging off. G'night.

Deverethemuzzler · 25/08/2014 19:55

Oh stop 'assuming'.
I suggested nothing of the sort.

You are very passive aggressive.

Deverethemuzzler · 25/08/2014 19:58

It is an understanding of the complexities around how advertising affects us and why. If you did you wouldn't have answered my 'so why did I BF' with 'I don't know

You see? Clear. Nothing about IQ.

My reply was in response to your simplistic comment about advertising and then your childish response to my answer.

I would prefer you didn't make unfounded accusations about me commenting on IQ.

I have a son with severe learning difficulties. Its not a matter I take lightly.

Deverethemuzzler · 25/08/2014 19:58

Oh yeah
He was the ff fed one.

PistolWhipped · 25/08/2014 19:58

I'm another one who doesn't entirely believe in the benefits of bf-ing. However I can tell you it is hugely beneficial to get a 7oz bottle of formula down my baby in ten minutes flat so I can go down the pub.

dancestomyowntune · 25/08/2014 20:03

i actually think there is a lot more propaganda advertising that is aimed at "breast is best" than there is for ffers. and isn't there some rule about formula not being advertised for babies up to 6months old?

TickleMyTitsTillFriday · 25/08/2014 20:18

Do you know how much this doesn't fucking matter?!

It doesn't fucking matter. Worry about your own life and your own children.

Imagine having a premature baby, so premature that you have to express for near enough 7 months and then the baby can't latch on to feed. And the guilt you would feel because some people feel like its their right to have an opinion on how other people feed their babies. And how none of it matters. And then realise how utterly ridiculous it all is.

PistolWhipped · 25/08/2014 20:31

But some bf-ers need for it to very much matter. They need it to matter because they have worked so very, very hard at this skill; this intellect-enhancing, asthma-averting, breast cancer-annihilating skill. It simply won't do that there are other mothers who are quietly going about their business feeding their babies summat artificial that does everything (almost; probably) that breast milk does. It. Just. Won't. Do.

Shakshuka · 25/08/2014 20:32

I understand statistics very well and would enjoy nothing more than a discussion of the scientific evidence - and I don't think the evidence supports the wonders of breast feeding in developed countries. The effects are too weak and there are too many confounding and unmeasurable factors to say anything with any degree of statistical significance.

All things being equal, breast is better. But all things being equal, vaginal delivery is better as well. However, in reality things aren't always equal and formula is an excellent replacement for breastmilk. Ok, not quite as good but good enough. Just like cesarean section is a very good alternative to vaginal birth. We might look at the stats and comment that the c-section rate could or should be lower but that doesn't mean it's the wrong decision for any one particular woman.

Sure, we could learn things from Nordic counties perhaps. But it's not that the uk is uniquely bad. French women often don't bf, for example, and that's fine. admi

I say this as someone who has had 3 kids and never needed to use formula. It was my choice and I was lucky that I have been able to fulfill my choice. It doesn't make me a better parent in any shape or form. What is ironic though is that dd1 breasted until she was 4. At some point, I was too embarrassed to admit to this as though we were doing something wrong.

Moral of the story: people should just back off and stop judging! Support for bfing should be just that - support - no judgement and no guilt.