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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hope that I can ask about FF without being shot down in flames?

999 replies

Darksideofthemoon88 · 23/08/2014 12:58

I'm interested in WHY people choose to FF if not for medical reasons (ie they can't because of medication they have to take, or because their baby was very premature and is unable to suckle) - I've seen a lot of threads where people assert that FF was best for them/their family/their baby or that they chose to FF without trying BF, and I'm curious as to why. Genuinely curious I'm not interested in fighting with anyone about what's best or right; I'd just like to read about why people FF because I honestly don't know. In the interests of full disclosure though (I know how MNs feel about this! ), I am a breastfeeding mother.

OP posts:

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Oly4 · 24/08/2014 15:01

I breastfed DS for seven weeks but he wasn't gaining enough weight and because he had colic I could never put him down for long enough to express all the top ups the health visitor said he needed. Was enormously stressful and almost pushed me over the edge. Question mark over lactose intolerance too. Switched to ff which saved my sanity but was judged for it by some so called friends.
Am now five months into breastfeeding ds2 and while I enjoy it, it is bloody hard work and vet time consuming. I don't particularly enjoy feeding in public, my toddler gets far less attention because of it and it's annoying that inn the one soon the feeding and DH doesn't have to. I also long to wear normal bras and tops.
Things I DO like about bf are the closeness of laying with my baby, not having to sterilise bottles, it's cheap, not having to think about bottles when on holiday and... The health benefits obviously. Though I agree that some benefits are vastly overstated (having read the research and having a science background)

bearfrills · 24/08/2014 15:02

mini, this thread has been perfectly civil until you came along trying to stir things up by comparing FF to smoking.

Smoking and formula are not the same thing.

Check your settings dear, your keyboard appears to be in 'bullshit' mode.

Oly4 · 24/08/2014 15:03

Sorry for typos!! And all those people who think formula is akin to poison (or smoking?!), stop being so stupid

hollie84 · 24/08/2014 15:12

I don't smoke but I drank in pregnancy and weaned using jars and let my kids have chocolate and crisps so I'm not going to be all that precious about what they had in the first 4-6 months. Most people don't do what's "best" for their children all the time, but that's fine - you only have to be good enough.

Chipandspuds · 24/08/2014 15:14

Every thread I've read on here about formula feeding gets a certain poster stirring things up.

Apart from that I think it's been an interesting thread! I'm planning to try out breastfeeding once or twice and then move onto formula feeding with dc2. I'm not willing to put myself through the stress again to be honest! With DS he was screaming and so hungry I never managed to get him to latch on properly, my nipples had cuts on, I couldn't express much milk. It was such a relief to give him a bottle of formula milk and see that he was satisfied and happy.

maninawomansworld · 24/08/2014 15:17

DW stopped bf after a relatively short time as it was taking over her life. Lots of judgey , mean comments from certain friends ( some now ex-friends after she told them exactly where to shove their very forceful opinions).

It was getting silly, we couldn't do anything without life totally revolving round sodding bf. switched to formula and all was fine again.

Neither of us were bf as babies, DW is a dr and I'm doing okay too so it's not the be all and end all.

scarletoconnor · 24/08/2014 15:17

minifingers stop being such a keyboard warrior.
The op asked for reasons women chose to ff not your narrow minded opinions on the subject.
If you did not ff your baby you lack the experience and knowledge to answer the question anyway so why not leave it to the women who aren't talking shit to answer HTH

TheRealAmandaClarke · 24/08/2014 15:17

I don't think minifingers was comparing ff with smoking other than to address the meaningless point about the babies not knowing about something that can impact their health.
It doesn't mean that ff is akin to smoking during pregnancy, just that they are both things we do, with poorer health outcomes for our babies than the alternatives (bf or not smoking), which can affect our babies health outcomes even though they don't know about them.

SeagullsAndSand · 24/08/2014 15:21

But they don't compare.

Smoking has a huge impact,ffing doesn't.

SeagullsAndSand · 24/08/2014 15:25

Being overweight during pregnancy has an impact,how about we liken that to smoking.

Loads of things have an impact on the health of babies/children but posters don't liken them to smoking.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 24/08/2014 15:25

Smoking has a greater impact on health than ff. that is true. but its not as marked as some ppl think.
And the fact that babies dont know how they are being fed doesnt mean it can't affect them.

queenofthemountains · 24/08/2014 15:26

One of the happiest days of my life was when I switched to ff. My daughter had a cleft lip and palate so no suck at all. I knew at my 20 week scan I would never bf her. I expressed for 6 weeks which turned me into a delirious wreck, the expressing and feeding combined with the twice weekly orthodontic appointments were sending me over the edge. I decided the expressing had to go, I felt like a milk machine and nothing else, 6th June 2003 the day before my birthday was the best day ever.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/08/2014 15:26

Mini stop right now, there are a lot of women myself included on here which will upset a lot who tried to bf but fir whatever reason had to change to formula. What business is it to you, none! Are you the bf Police! As long as baby is fed who cares, as studies show the benefits do not continue to adulthood. For a lot of women formula is a lifesaver, sometimes breasts like any other part of tge body malfunction, they do not always work as they should. If there were a group of adults you would not tell who was bf and who was ff. it's not shite, it's necessity sometimes, his insulting!

TheRealAmandaClarke · 24/08/2014 15:27

Good point Hollie i think most of us are just trying to get some balance overall.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 24/08/2014 15:29

aeroflot i hear you.
But this question was about making an initial choice to ff. not considering bf.
Just because some of have difficulties and end up not doing what we intended in feeding our babies, doesn't mean that it wasn't a good idea to try.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 24/08/2014 15:31

Anyway. I will leave the thread becasue it has become a bf ff debate. Which is a shame. I just think that its not really ok for ppl not to be able to be honest about the benefits of bf in order to not piss ppl off who didn't want to do it, or couldn't do it.
But i know that its very raw for some ppl.

AmysTiara · 24/08/2014 15:32

Ds1 was 3 months prem. I felt so much pressure to breastfeed it made me ill. My milk was drying up as i couldnt hold him and i hated the whole experience.

Thereforecwhen DS2 came along i madecthe decision to ff and felt so much happier.

No regrets here

AmysTiara · 24/08/2014 15:32

Ds1 was 3 months prem. I felt so much pressure to breastfeed it made me ill. My milk was drying up as i couldnt hold him and i hated the whole experience.

Thereforecwhen DS2 came along i madecthe decision to ff and felt so much happier.

No regrets here

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 24/08/2014 15:32

Mini- would you like to answer my question upthread about breastfeeding being enforced legally in the UAE? Im not holding my breath on a response though as I highly suspect mini is a very agressive poster who used to frequent another parenting forum spouting similar bile making mothers feel like shit and comparing formula feeding to not strapping a baby in their car seat.

SeagullsAndSand · 24/08/2014 15:32

"Not as marked as people think" what do you mean?

scarletoconnor · 24/08/2014 15:35

Aero I'm a bf support worker and UNICEF trained in bf.

mini is doing an excellent job at quoting a few incomparable figures but any monkey can quote figures. Don't let some of the narrow minded opinions on here upset you.

Don't beat yourself up. Loving your baby and providing a safe loving environment for them to thrive in is far more important than what they are fed.
One of the main reasons I became a bf support worker was to help women who could bf not make the ones who couldn't feel bad.
Just because someone was lucky enough to manage it does not give them the right to lord it over and judge women who either couldn't or didn't want to.

Thousands of babies die of starvation and malnutrition in developing countries every week because women can't bf we are lucky enough to have alternatives in this country.

I'm sure people like mini believe all women should be chained to the kitchen sink as they obviously feel they have the right to tell women how to use their breasts

bearfrills · 24/08/2014 15:36

Anyway. I will leave the thread becasue it has become a bf ff debate. Which is a shame.

It was you and mini who turned it into a debate! Mission accomplished, eh?

tobysmum77 · 24/08/2014 15:36

the reason breastfeeding gets the purists het up is because of the tiny difference it makes. I mean it must be better to bf when it works out well than feed powder out of a tin - logical right? I believe this is the case. ......

But in reality you can't tell out of a class of 5 year olds which were ff or bf. The 'evidence' is there but not that strong overall and can partly be explained by other factors. For the likes of minifingers that's pretty galling when she put in so much effort instead of kicking dh out of bed to do the night feeds like us scuzzy ff'ers.

Dd2 ended up in hospital because she was bf shrugs breast isnt best in this house.

tobysmum77 · 24/08/2014 15:37

great post scarlett

bearfrills · 24/08/2014 15:41

I think the breast is best campaign has done far more harm than good. It gives fuel to the sanctimonious types mini , puts pressure on those BFing and alienates those FFing. Well done to whoever came up with that particular slogan.

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