To hope that I can ask about FF without being shot down in flames?

[Darksideofthemoon88]

I'm interested in WHY people choose to FF if not for medical reasons (ie they can't because of medication they have to take, or because their baby was very premature and is unable to suckle) - I've seen a lot of threads where people assert that FF was best for them/their family/their baby or that they chose to FF without trying BF, and I'm curious as to why. Genuinely curious I'm not interested in fighting with anyone about what's best or right; I'd just like to read about why people FF because I honestly don't know. In the interests of full disclosure though (I know how MNs feel about this! ), I am a breastfeeding mother.

Because my daughter was a breast-refuser for reasons I still don't know (I suspect TT and LT) and I couldn't produce enough milk by exclusively pumping to sustain her due to the stress of her being hospitalised for her horrendous jaundice and massive weight loss. Also because no fucker would help me to try and rectify the problem (such as MWs and BF Peer 'supporters' who were happy to tell me how damaging it would be if I stopped but wouldn't show me how to actually BF).

It didn't stop my trying to relactate and relatch her on my own for 18 weeks. That didn't work of course, it just gave me a nice healthy dose of PND.

This thread makes me sad. Too many people justifying why they didn't bf or why it didn't work out for them. Stop doing that. It's no ones business and you do not have to explain the why behind it.

Phaedra that was a sarcastic comment aimed at mini fingers. Good on you Fairy, I a pleased that you intervened, she really needed it and so did baby. How awful that the midwives could not have suggested that, they did with ds and dd when bf was not working and they were loosing weight and hungry all the time.

Cheers fairy

Because it's bloody hard and no one helped me - feel genuinely let down by everyone and feel a massive failure as a mother (DS is 4 and DD is 11 months)

What Facebook said, entirely.

well penguin I completely agree with you, and as worra said at the beginning of the thread 'because I didn't want to' or 'because I hated it' is a sufficient answer.

But in the interests of trying to make militant BF activists/advocates understand why some of us just didn't want to or couldn't for whatever reason, it's valuable to tell our stories. And so far, certainly among those of us who tried with limited success and for a very limited period of time, we are saying the same things over and over ad infinitum.

No amount of telling people that it is easy/achievable for everyone is going to make it so. As this thread shows. At least I'm sure I could have achieved it for 6 months or more each time, with enough perseverance and mind over matter, but to what cost? not a cost I was prepared to pay.

Just want to point out that the OP does not seem militant and this thread has been incredibly civilised and pleasant for a thread about FF, but there is no doubt that there are very pompous and dictatorial BF militants out there, and they can make people feel really, really shit.

I do agree that at the time it feels like you have done it all wrong but you might find your self stronger second or third time around and realise that it's not the huge deal you thought it was.

After the things I've watched dd2 do an all the things I've pulled out her mouth, I'd love nothing more than to go back eight yeas and give myself a huge slap for wondering why the hell I even have it a second thought. When your kid eats pet food and bugs and chews shoes, worrying about formula seems a bit daft

Aeroflot was it intended to be sarcastic? It was a quote from hollie who was mainly backing up minifingers' "it's just selfish western women who don't bf" schtick.

In any case the " far higher in developing countries" line regularly gets trotted out here as a stick to beat ff mothers with.

Minifingers- do you agree with what the UAE have done to make breastfeeding the law thus removing all choices and autonomy of mothers and would you like to see this implemented in the uk?

I'm always interested in why women who have lots of reasons why switching to formula would be easier still choose not to? What is it that makes sone women go through hell in the hope the will make it through to the other side whereas others make the switch? (Disclaimer: definitely no judging going on, just curious about states of mind and what drives our behaviour and choices).

That's really interesting what another poster said about ELCS and delayed milk production. I had an ELCS and had an awful time feeding causing lethargy, jaundice, weight loss etc but nobody ever said it may have been due to the CS. On day 2 of DS's life I was hand expressing 1-2mls of colostrum into a syringe for the midwives to give to him.

Oh right I thought it was meant sarcastically at mini

I noticed upthread that carnation was mentioned.
My ex sil told me she fed her 3 babies on carnation, and this was in the 70's. All 3 are very healthy now.
And my ex husband was fed exclusively on boiled up cows milk, yes the milk that the milkman leaves on the door step, from a few days old. He's had no health problems either ,and he's in his 50's.
Historically babies were also fed a mixture of flour and water if no milk was available.
People who think all babies were breastfed before formula was invented are wrong.

Writer everyone is different, I don't think there is a one definitive answer.

Some come through it and some just cannot and for a lot of very good reason could not bf and won't be able to. You reach a stage where you just have to do what is best for your baby, you and your circumstances.

Does it matter what people's reasons are? It's not compulsory to BF, nor illegal to FF.

My dd father wanted me to BF. He tried to 'guilt' me into it. His mum, who BF him and his brother, basically told him to STFU unless he was the one BF it was my decision to make.

8 years down the line my dd has no health issues. I haven't a clue who, out of her friends and classmates were bf or ff and frankly, I don't care.

I don't understand why this is such an emotive issue.

I was going to switch to FF as DS2 wasn't gaining weight. He dropped from 9lb at birth to 8lb 4oz at 5 days. They weighed him again at 10 days and despite feeding two hourly for the five days since his last weigh in he'd only gained half an ounce. This was coupled with engorgement, a let down that felt like I was lactating broken glass and a totally shredded left nipple - it cracked in a spiral so was pulling open at every feed. I decided to make the switch but gradually so that I didn't cause him or me any further problems. I swapped one feed a day for formula and DH did that feed meaning I could get sleep or a bath or time with our other two DC.

It made a big difference to how I felt. In addition it meant I was doing one less feed a day off the shredded nipple which helped it heal faster. And I was more recovered from my ELCS (which was not down to FF, it was happening regardless) so I had more energy, less discomfort, etc.

He started gaining weight, slowly (he was 6wks old before he regained his birth weight), my nipple was better, I dropped the FF feed. Now at almost 6mo it's a doddle, I just shove him under my top and he gets on with it himself, but at this age my FF babies also virtually fed themselves, I'd hold them while they held their own bottle.

I realise that not everyone can resolve their breastfeeding problems with extra rest and a bottle of FF a day and that I've been lucky. If it hadn't worked out I'd have increased the amount of FF feeds until he was entirely on formula and I'd have been fine about it - it's not bleach

In keeping with the surprisingly civil tone of this thread I'm happy to answer the OP although as penguin and worrahave said, there's no need to justify.

I FF from birth each time. I didn't want to BF.

I wanted to regain bodily autonomy. I didn't want to feel almost permanently attached to a baby or be constantly touched and grabbed. I'd had 9 months of feeling that I was everyone else's property! I still don't like being held on to, clung to or to feel in demand like that.

I wanted my figure back and didn't see how going from an active lifestyle to a considerably more sedentary one was going to achieve that (people will argue that BF reduces weight but I'd seen the opposite occur. I was back in my size 8 jeans within 2 months of each birth).

I didn't want to be tied to the sofa 24/7. I'd have gone bananas! I wasn't prepared to dedicate the time necessary to BF, the cluster feeding and the lengthy feeds.

I was totally unwilling to put myself through avoidable and unnecessary pain and discomfort. To this day I can't understand why anyone would do that!

I wanted to point to the the formula and the steriliser, hand baby over to DH/nursery nurse/friend, say "There you go!" and head out of the door without needing to go through time-consuming, possibly painful, unnecessary preparation first.

I didn't want to feel any more tired and drained than I needed to. I didn't want to look any more tired and drained than I needed to, I didn't want to be the woman with the breast pads and the maternity bra.

I've never been judged for my choices (or maybe I have, just not in my hearing!).

Dc1 I had septicaemia and was unconscious.
Dc2 because I had a bad experience with dc1, barely lucid with matriarchal midwife shouting "on the breast" over and over at me not believing I was unwell until a doctor wax called and I was wisked to HDU.

Writer read the thread and you will see why many woman can nit come through it.

hooby you've really summed it all up there! I'd forgotten about the breast pads. I hated that feeling of leaking and having soggy pads next to my skin.

I bf dd for 18 month and to be honest it was pretty grim a lot of the time so I can absolutly understand why people just ff. I had an agonising let down, horrendous oversupply and dd cluster fed like a demon. If dd hadn't thrown up every bottle of formula I gave her I think I would have swapped to ff. I later realised she was cows milk and soy intolerant so just couldn't take the formula and I was too sleep deprived to do anything but stick my boob back in her mouth and deal with it.

If by some awful accident I had another I would be thinking twice about bf again. I just couldn't take that pain (and if anyone tells me it doesn't hurt if you do it right I'll scream!).

The thing I noticed though is the amazing switch in attitudes as a baby gets older. Up to 6 months there is all this pressure to bf and then after 6 months suddenly you are a bit odd for continuing. If you bf past a year even medical professionals start to treat you like a bit of a freak and there is loads of pressure to stop. Its a really confusing turn about I just don't get at all.

This thread has some steamingly defensive responses.
I thought the OP was asking about initial choices to ff.
she wasnt asking why ppl stopped. Or were unable to consider it, but why ppl choose, from the outset, without a clinical reason, to ff, never wanting to give bf a try.

I guess its a sign that lots of us feel judged, which is a shame. But i didnt read a judgey-loaded OP, just a genuinely interested question.

I am pro b/f. But I think people have the right to choose to formula feed without being judged. And this my baby (who is three) can't be left even for 10 minutes because I am b/f does get a bit wearisome.