To scream loudly and repeatedly at my boyfriend for not killing a spider?

[Beeyump]

Let me begin by stating that I am very scared of spiders, to the point of getting hysterical and wanting to run as far away as I can. If possible, I kill them because I can't bear to be near them. Anyway, my boyfriend - who knows all this - was staying last night, when a horribly large brown spider was spotted. I lost it, yelling at him to GET RID OF IT AND KILL IT, or at least put it outside. He did not, instead picking it up and transferring it to another room. When he informed me of this I got really angry, because I felt as though he had completely ignored my feelings/fear. Before this he had been finding it funny , but when I properly screamed at him he told me that if I 'carried on' he would leave. This episode rather dampened the rest of the evening...

Afterwards I felt guilty, stupid, but also pretty angry at him. Think I'm probably being unreasonable, but I don't feel it

a) and then watch the yoghurt pot run across the floor or have no way of picking it up again and just staring fixedly at it for days BECAUSE THERE IS A SPIDER UNDER IT.

b) Fuck right off to the far side of fuck and take your strong but sturdy thing with you! If I could get that close to the flaming thing I would have stomped it by now! The last Category 3 I saw was in a Sports Direct mug... I was frozen to the spot, had it moved I have no doubt I would have lobbed it, mug and all through the (closed) kitchen window. DH was in, realised I hadn't moved for a while and took it outside.

c) No I can't, I may be able to guide an elephant to stomp it.

d) But that means the room will be out of use for about 5 days - see option a.

The problem with advice and possible solutions flora is that your average arachnophobe has given them some thought already and imagined all the ways the spider could escape and get them. So, no matter how sensible, they sound terrifying!

Oh dear Flora, you haven't got a bloody clue have you? I mean that in a loving way.

Just going off to pmsl now

He should have removed it from the house, but yabu wanting it killed.

A rolled up newspaper does the trick.

I am totally on your side with this one. If he was brave enough to pick it up, he could have just as easily put it outside as in another room. At least he is only your boyfriend, so you know not to marry him. I am not kidding.

Flora, I think that was a sweet and very well meant message, but as others have said... Well, it's just not realistic

Yanbu
I too suffer this phobia.
Your post is quite timely actually, but i dont want to out myself.
I literally could not live with a man who wasnt able and willing to get rid of spiders.
Even typing the word makes me break out in a sweat.

You can now get a smartphone app to treat spider phobia.

www.webmd.boots.com/anxiety-panic/news/20131004/app-to-fight-spider-phobia

Someone told me about a spider catcher.
Dont look it up online, but get someone to order you one for every room
I believe they are jolly good.

Amanda, spider catchers involve being in same room as spider. Meaning they are utterly useless.

A phone app?

What's that going to do? Leap out of e-space and wrangle a spider out of the house?

Pah!

flora sorry, I read my post back and it sounds like I am having a pop at you. Please add anywhere you think my post needs it. I think it needs at least 3 of them

How am I meant to get close enough to gently put something over the top of it if, whenever the fucker moves, I leap backwards six feet hyperventilating? Even if it doesn't move I couldn't get close enough to it to gently put something over the top of it.

Also, what if it's on the wall? I live alone, even if I could put something over a spider on the wall I would then be stuck, unable to move because I'm holding a glass or mug containing a spider against a wall and if I moved an inch it could get out. I'll stick with the hairspray/rolling pin or Dyson, thanks.

Yes puppy that was my worry. I fled my home last night in order to get help with a spider. I am actually shitting myself tonight but obviously asking my friend's dh to stay the night is a bit out of the question
All day i have had ppl telling me using tips on how to remove them, cover them over, vacuum them up. And its obvious they dont understand.
Because lots of ppl dont like them they seem to think that they understand how a phobic feels.
They do not.

OP, I would HIGHLY recommend you head to London Zoo to do their Friendly Spider Programme. I was a lifelong arachnophobe, went along in June and am now cured. It was incredible: by the end of the afternoon I was holding domestic house spiders, a tarantula and all in a calm way. I can now catch a spider in a glass and put outside. I even play with them on the pavement! It has truly transformed my life! Please go to the website (there are no pictures of spiders) and book on today! xx

Of course I understand. People have phobias about all kinds of things. If it's that bad perhaps you need help, though I'm sure it's not easy to obtain.

But I also think that people who are simply scared - not genuinely phobic - CAN sometimes learn to help themselves cope with unpleasant situations. Hence my suggestions. And, with respect, I don't think that screaming or killing things helps anyone.

NB Am NOT suggesting for a moment that posters here aren't genuinely phobic - only they know how they feel. But I have met people who use the word phobia to mean 'strong dislike' and, as you know very well, the two are not the same.

Chilli No offence taken!

Sorry - posted my message-before-last before the London Zoo suggestion had appeared on screen. Sounds interesting.

I'm never been phobic about spiders - though I'm not mad keen. But they are clever and interesting, and I find that makes them a bit more tolerable. Also, genuinely, if I know I can cope with them then they much are less worrying.
But, as I say, I've never been phobic about them. I do realise that it may be much much much more difficult for other people.

But - to get back to the original point of this thread - I'd be VERY hurt and annoyed if anyone behaved like the OP's boyfriend.

When I first met my dh I wouldn't stay in a house if I knew there was a big spider on the loose.I used to have nightmares about them.

Last Summer I held a tarantula, and last night I spotted an inch and a half big spider rigbt by where my head is when I'm in bed and I didn't even care.

I don't know what happened -I think I just got tired of being scared!

I have had behavioural therapy.
But a large "you know what" leaves me hysterical, utterly irrational. I couldn't even be in the same room as a dead one this morning and went to some slightly embarrassing lengths to be rid of it.

Sorry, typing and reading at the same time.

I'm = I've

much are = are much !!!!

One morning I found a spider in the kitchen. A wide bodied, thick legged one. My DH came to remove it for me and then decided it would be a good idea to chase me with it in his hand. After a couple of laps of the house, he cornered me and I wet myself with fear!! I had to have another shower any change my clothes for work. I know it's an irrational fear but it's very real for sufferers!!

He would have come home to find his stuff packed, were he mine, imonaplane.

That is inexcusable... totally inexcusable.

It's just a spider. Spiders a great. They eat other pests.