To think this is not fucking on

[SureY]

Will try to keep short
DH of 8 years having affair with a colleague- no sex (he says) but dates and kissing after they became very close while working late and working away. Yep, all the cliches.

Confessed after I found texts, begged for another chance, will do anything etc etc. no contact with o/w, will change departments or move company if not possible

Today I look at his phone again and this same colleague has emailed him a non work related message - nothing dodgy without the history but along the lines of 'I'm over at the xx office - they have a coffee machine, with real coffee!' And he has replied 'wow- I would never have thought it' or some such shite

I'm fucked off as this is not a necessary conversation, she didn't need to send it (as per my request they agreed to only have necessary, work related contact) and he did not need to reply. In fact, in my mind he should have not replied or replied saying 'only work emails please'

We are on day one of our holiday with DS and I have just found it and confronted him. Apparently I am overreacting and we will have no marriage if I don't chill out, and I am spoiling the holiday. I'm not being U am I?

D

Ditto YoBitch

Whatever he did before, the important thing is that now he continues to believe that his relationship with another woman is more important than respecting your boundaries. Definitely time to leave a marriage that shows you such little respect.

Oh FFS. NO connection. I have no idea who these people are and I'm not even in the country!

OP, I don't have much advise for you I'm afraid and don't want to say too much in case I get it wrong because I haven't read the entire thread but what a horrendous situation, from what I have read it sounds like you have picked the moral high ground here, good on you. I hope you find a way through, whatever you choose to do, it's a horrible thing to go through. I really hope you're as okay as you can be!
And just for the record if I thought my dh was up to no good after he had cheated I would so go through his work emails. Sure he had the right to privacy before he broke your right to be in a faithful and honest marriage.

zee you're a nasty, goady piece of work, aren't you?

zee are you one of those women that "gets on better with men" ?

As I've said before the OP's husband is a lying, conniving outright cunt. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide and hope that you are able to have a wonderful future without the despicable bastard.

Whilst I agree with Zee in that it was an invasion if privacy going into his work emails it's done now and to be fair she would have found about the lying toad had she not.

What I do object to is Anyfuckers question about is she a woman that gets on better with men comment. I replied to that thread and listed the reasons why I prefer the company of men to women and I object to the insinuation that this makes me or any other woman not be able to see this idiot for what he is. Zee maybe being goady but so are you.

Zee, yes, with no back history it would be highly irregular to go through your partner's email. I trust my DW and therefore have never had any desire to do that.

Otoh my ex p was a cheat and therefore I did not trust her. After her first affair I was very suspicious and probably did check her messages at some point.

The point is if he had nothing to hide he wouldn't be annoyed about it since he is meant to be in the process of reassuring his wife that his affair is over. Would you rather OP had never found out they were still in touch and had been played for a fool for months on end???!!!!

Also if you have had an affair the LEAST you can do is promise not to contact the other person again.

PiperRose - I did not post on that thread because I don't have an opinion on the matter. I have male friends and female friends. Whether or not I like someone is not related to their gender, but a lot of other complex traits. I do, however, admit to finding some women (the ones who only talk about trivia, celebrity etc) very tedious; but I also find men who are misogynistic bastards equally tedious.

Obviously AnyFucker will find fault with this, but that's not my problem.

I might have been cackhanded, but I didn't mean to be goady. However, people will think what they want to think and I can't control that - especially on an anonymous online forum.

I hope that the OP finds some resolution in her life and makes any decision relating to her future in a carefully considered way.

Do ANY threads where the op needs support due to a bastard partner not end up in a slanging match?

Not many

Yet to see one

Lots of familiar names on this thread also.
Has OP returned?

Its a shame as people come here in need of support and it turns into a bitch fest. Everyone trying to out do each other. Its easy to forget there are real people behind the words on a screen. Its not online eastenders

It is, end up forgetting what the Original post was even about. It's not fair.
Hope OP is okay.

I don't think it is a bitch fest in general. People have various perspectives based on their experiences and they explore them here. There have been a couple of unfortunate examples today though, I admit!!

I keep wanting to write, but I just don't know what to say
I wish I could start a private thread - so much shit happening and I would love to talk about it freely, but doesn't seem possible
Feeling very low

I'm not surprised. You have had a horrible evening and are I a state of flux. I really feel for you.

Maybe start a thread away from AIBU? It can be quite nasty on this board.

I'm sorry you are feeling so low, OP.

Do start a new thread. Maybe in chat?

Surey - keep doing whatever helps YOU. Everyone is here to listen and I really hope you have RL support too.

A phrase that I try to remember during rough times is "life can only be understood looking backwards but it must be lived forwards". You are currently in a horrible, horrible situation but it is not of your doing. You WILL get through this, because you have to, and one day things WILL be better.

Maybe that means just putting temporary distance between you and your husband to help you both see what he has to lose, maybe it is a permanent change, but either way, it's time for you to take back control of this situation,

Good luck SureY, stay strong and never lose sight of how much of a c bomb your DH is