To think this is not fucking on

[SureY]

Will try to keep short
DH of 8 years having affair with a colleague- no sex (he says) but dates and kissing after they became very close while working late and working away. Yep, all the cliches.

Confessed after I found texts, begged for another chance, will do anything etc etc. no contact with o/w, will change departments or move company if not possible

Today I look at his phone again and this same colleague has emailed him a non work related message - nothing dodgy without the history but along the lines of 'I'm over at the xx office - they have a coffee machine, with real coffee!' And he has replied 'wow- I would never have thought it' or some such shite

I'm fucked off as this is not a necessary conversation, she didn't need to send it (as per my request they agreed to only have necessary, work related contact) and he did not need to reply. In fact, in my mind he should have not replied or replied saying 'only work emails please'

We are on day one of our holiday with DS and I have just found it and confronted him. Apparently I am overreacting and we will have no marriage if I don't chill out, and I am spoiling the holiday. I'm not being U am I?

After your latest update I think your DH might be a sociopath.

I don't mean that in a scary psychotic way, they are more common than you think.

Have a Google.

Sorry, he is still in contact with her. That violates your second chance agreement. 2 strikes and he's out?

Dont' just leave. Plan it out. See a solicitor, make sure you will be in the best possible situation when you leave.

Get an STI screen, and don't use him for sex if you don't want to (if you do, use protection as you can't be sure where he's been).

I wouldn't mention anything more about the cheating/being a knobhead again to him. There's really no point. Just prepare yourself, and then one day tell him. When you're ready.

He is being a total arse & needs to wind his neck in & show some humility - he us very lucky you are giving him a second chance & should act accordingly

This is NOT how that is done

YANBU - he is

Apparently I never told him he couldn't have any non-work contact with her

Feeling totally played with, as I absolutely did

Told him I want out of he marriage

He replied, you and me both

So there we are

SureY, I really hope you take him to the fucking cleaners.

Him and his OW deserve each other. He'll soon do the same to her.

So sorry you are going through this. He has no remorse in the slightest.

As much as it hurts it is better to be alone than to be with someone who can treat you with so much contempt.

Am sorry you are being treated like this. But leaving him is absolutely the best thing to do for you and for your son. Please see a solicitor asap and get advice on all your entitlements. Do not let your husband manipulate you over that as he sounds the type who would try it on.

He is an utter knobhead and you will be soooo much better off without him.

I'm sorry it has come to this, but you are absolutely doing the right thing.

Get yourself home and sorted out x

He really is an arsehole

Get yourself home and sorted out

This. You do deserve better than this, what a gas-lighting, piss-taking bastard he is. I'd send him off to her with a big bow around his head.

Some of your replies have made me laugh out loud, even in this shitty situation
Ok practical question- where do you actually find a divorce lawyer (I mean I know I can google, but how do you know a good one) ?

Do remember that as he's seen this thread, he now knows you have screen shots showing evidence of his affair. I'd send them somewhere safe if I were you.
X

Whereabouts are you from op? Worth posting in divorce section on here. I got a good recommendation.

"Told him I want out of he marriage
He replied, you and me both"

Shit for you in the short term, but you can work with this.

think about telling him you'll walk the walk for the rest if the holiday fir D sake. But you expect him to move out immediately on return. You will set up a new email account for child admin and divorce related matters, and suggest that the first email he sends is a suggested date for when he will call to pick his stuff up (but as you cannot guarantee 24/7 availability, a week's notice pwould be appreciated).

Business-like. Future focussed. Future in which you have choices.

By refusing to reply asking her not to contact him, he is putting her feelings above yours.

He should be breaking his back right now to reassure you and fix the mess that he has made, but he isn't. You deserve more, you don't have to accept this. And yes, he did have sex with her - why would they stop at kissing?

So, give him what he wants. That way you get to offload the cheating arse with no shilly-shallying around. He ended this marriage the minute his head was turned by OW.

I've just seen your updates - really sorry it's turning out this way, but you will be SOOooooo much better off without this gas lighting arse in your life

As for solicitors - ask around your area - perhaps you know someone who complains they got stitched up like a kipper when they divorced - ask who their exes lawyer was - we've an old friend who frequently recommends his exes divorce lawyer to female friends for that reason ;)

Good luck - life will be good again, honestly & you are strong enough to get through this - it's best for your boy to grow up seeing you strong enough to walk away when treat badly & to only accept someone who treats you well

I don't know whether to laugh or be offended that such a twat has called us all mad.

Tell him to fuck right off, take your DS and go home.

Try the website www.Resolution.org.uk for family lawyers.