To think this is not fucking on

[SureY]

Will try to keep short
DH of 8 years having affair with a colleague- no sex (he says) but dates and kissing after they became very close while working late and working away. Yep, all the cliches.

Confessed after I found texts, begged for another chance, will do anything etc etc. no contact with o/w, will change departments or move company if not possible

Today I look at his phone again and this same colleague has emailed him a non work related message - nothing dodgy without the history but along the lines of 'I'm over at the xx office - they have a coffee machine, with real coffee!' And he has replied 'wow- I would never have thought it' or some such shite

I'm fucked off as this is not a necessary conversation, she didn't need to send it (as per my request they agreed to only have necessary, work related contact) and he did not need to reply. In fact, in my mind he should have not replied or replied saying 'only work emails please'

We are on day one of our holiday with DS and I have just found it and confronted him. Apparently I am overreacting and we will have no marriage if I don't chill out, and I am spoiling the holiday. I'm not being U am I?

If I found my DH going through my work e-mails on my phone then I'd want a divorce too.

Zeezeek - have you read the thread?

Do you know what's really cruel about all this? The fact that you have to be at your very strongest when you are probably at your very weakest. BUT if you can grit your teeth it will be worth it because your son will get to grow up without lies and deceit all around him and he will have a Mum who stood up and fought when faced with the unacceptable .

There's always one

Thanks for latest posts, appreciate the advice and encouragement
We had to have dinner together tonight and I told him I was proceeding with a divorce and his response was, 'you can't, I won't agree to it' which is fucking bizarre

What a shit! He is justifying it by saying you never told him he could not have non- work contact with her?
So what does he think you asked him to do???????
Just continue to see her at work and continue to have as much contact outside of work as he likes????
He has cried and pleaded and begged with no intention at all of changing anything. He was just going to continue as he has been.

Much much better to know this now - save you further heartache. Now you know exactly what he intended and you can take control.

I am so sorry

AnyFucker What was wrong with what I said? I'm totally behind OP?

Is it the kind of comment you're used to him making?

How on earth does he think he can stop you??

Prima I think she was referring to someone else with her comment.

Prima, I think that AF was referring to Zeezeek and not you. Op, I am truly sorry for the shit state of affairs. I wish you strength in getting a divorce.

You've made the right decision, he has no respect for you!

Well he is right that he doesn't have to agree to it.

It just means it will take longer than if he does but in the end and 5 years down the line I think it is you can divorce him without his consent.

It just goes to show that he is a twat who thinks you will just put up and shut up no matter how he treats you.

Prima I wasn't referring to you x

Primadonna I don't think AnyFucker meant your post. I'm guessing she meant ZeeZeek.

OP he will be obstructive, angry, remorseful - try to detach from the emotional rollercoaster he will try to put you on. He can't stop you doing anything. He won't take your ds (as that may be his next claim). The irony is that he probably thinks he's so unique and special but all abusive/cheating arses work to a very similar script.

Go home just now if you think it will make you feel better. You don't need to carry on with this 'holiday'.

Is ZeeZeek your H OP?

Apologies ..bit slow on the uptake tonight!!!

I can assure you that not only am I female, but I am very happily married to a man who's e-mails I have never snooped on and who has never snooped on mine.

Snooping aside, he is in unnecessary contact with the ow zee - how the actual fuck can that be justified?

No worries, Prima, your post sneaked imbetween the offending one and mine

That's lovely for you, zee. But not remotely relevant to our Op here.

What a prat.

He fucks someone else and then tries to control you by saying YOU are ruining the holiday, it is YOU throwing your marriage away and he won't ALLOW you to divorce him .

Get yourself out of this marriage mockery PDQ and I wouldn't even talk to him anymore.

Get the baby and the car and go home.

Then see how long it takes Miss Coffee Pot to drop her pants on your holiday

Zeezeek, well clearly your DP hasn't cheated on you and made you suspicious. Why don't you just stop now as its hardly helping the OP is it?

OP, he is a shit! And he sounds like he is going to make it difficult for you.

OP - sorry you are having such an awful time. Should you consider getting this thread deleted, though, given that your husband knows about it and may be reading it?

Zeezeek Agreeing to let your partner 'snoop' on your phone/emails after you have already been caught out once, and have promised to change is a fairly normal way of trying to prove to them that you have stopped being unfaithful. Any right to privacy is lost when you are begging for another chance and promising to break all contact with the OW.

'Snooping' is a long way from being what is the problem with this marriage.