Was I being a cow or not?????

[Fairyfellowsmasterstroke]

I was in town earlier when I popped to the loo in Debenhams.

When I walked in a young chav mum was sanding near the sink area talking on her phone (her side of the conversation featured such immortal lines as " yeah but, fucking bitch, I'll have her, cunt etc etc). I kid you not a docker would have blushed!!!

Her DC looked about 2 and was sat quietly in the pushchair.

Anyhow I went to the loo (whilst listening to every word and profanity that young mum was uttering - including the "c" word being used with astounding regularity).

After weeing visiting the toilet I shimmed past aforesaid young mum (who was now perched on a sink with one foot resting on the pushchair) to wash my hands. I was about to dry them in the "Blade air dryer" when she stopped her phone conversation and asked me to wait because her DC didn't like the noise.

Fair enough I thought, expecting young mum to vacate the toilet. But no she carried on her phone call berating some poor lad who was fucking with her 'ead, clearly causing her some degree of upset.

I waited a moment and then asked her if she was going so that I could dry my hands, she told me to "wait". I did wait for a few moments (out of respect to Dc not her) but she remained perched on the sink with the phone attached to her ear. I finally looked pointedly at her, she half turned away from me and carried on the phone call. At this point I shoved my hands in the dryer causing poor DC to scream - chav mum snatched up the pushchair and stormed out of the toilets calling me a cow.

I stand by my actions but am expecting a MN flaming!!!

I hate the dyson blade dryers. They make the skin on the back of your hands go wibble flibble.

The wibble flibble is the best bit!

Agree that the wibble flibble is the attraction.

I'd like Dyson to invent a whole body one - in the words of Homer Simpson "Watch that blubber fly"!!!!!

Yes but the backs of my hands are like elephants knees. It ain't pretty.

The wibble fibble is the only reason to use them.

OP, like it even matters anymore, you were not being unreasonable.

I don't think the term chav is unreasonable here since this woman was clearly the epitome of the word.

She doesn't sound like she couldn't afford to buy essentials to me, she sounds like her fella was caught with some caaah in The Queen Vic.

Not unreasonable. I think you were very patient.

My response would not have been and she would have been told to take her disgusting language and use her phone else where.

I usually use a tissue as I just don't like hand driers (no real reason - misses point entirely!)

Wibble fibble - brilliant!

This thread is making me feel really quite sad. Can only bear to read the first few pages.

So, the mother was young, ignorant and used bad language. You are all worried about this passing on to the next generation... but maybe the young mum you are all cross about was the equivalent of that child in the pushchair 20 years ago... maybe she thinks this kind of behaviour is normal because her own mum thought it was okay. Anybody here old enough to remember the 80s?

I think it would have been more tactful to engage with the mum, to explain that you were waiting. Completely possible, given a bit of self-confidence (I realise that not everyone has this). I was a youth worker about 10 years ago, and was initially shocked by the language the young people I worked with thought was normal and acceptable, but soon realised this is just a cultural change - they are not less human or less understanding just because they use this dreadful language. It's kind of up to us as older members of society to explain that this sounds really bad in our ears. No young person I have ever had this conversation with has been rude to me about it - they have mostly listened and taken it on board.

Nobody needs to use the word "chav" any more. It's completely outdated. So many people are offended by this word that using it is just plain wrong. Just as offensive as saying "c--" every third word in a phone conversation.

And, upsetting the child because you were upset with the mum is mean-spirited and cruel. It's not the child's fault that his mum is like this.

You could have offered to move the pushchair... there are all sorts of things you could have done to make it clear that you disapproved without judging.

'gilded cage' view.

greenbanna you sound lovely but the young woman was just rude.

She doesn't seem to have been using the loo except for making a phone call. Do you seriously think she would have cared anything about being told the OP was waiting to use the drier? She could see that.

She knew the drier upsets her child but chooses the most inconvenient and inappropriate place to have her conversation.

And just as you think it's over, BAM it starts giving all over again.

You could have offered to move the pushchair...

For goodness sake, can you imagine the likely reaction that would have got?

Who has the time?
Seriously...who, while picking up gym shoes or whatever in Debenhams, has the time for that sort of in-depth thought about the situation?
Personally, I couldn't give a monkeys about her language...it's none of my business, and swearing is neither here nor there. I couldn't give a tiny toot what clothes she was wearing, what her hairstyle was, and to whom or why she was having a profane filled rant on her phone in the toilets.

All I would be fussed about would be her bad manners in her dealings with me, holding me up and cutting me short as though she owned the gaff. She could be standing there in a Sea Salt bloody duffle coat rocking a Bugaboo, for all the difference it would make to me.

Once I had ignored her second instruction to wait (I'd give her a chance to remove the kid at the first one), and dried my hands anyway, I'd leave.

It's not my life's mission to befriend or analyse people who are casually rude to me in department stores.

Fin

Phaedra, I know, I know, and thank you for saying I'm lovely (I'm so very not, and I wish I was!) but honestly I have encountered this kind of situation many times - obviously not the exact situation with the hand driers, but I live in a small provincial and 'deprived' city where there are many mums who would fit the description given by the OP, and have had many equivalent situations involving rudeness in bus queues, shops, on the street, at the school gates...

There is nothing to be gained by being rude. I have never (ever!) had a problem when being polite, and treating people with the respect I feel they deserve.

Nothing excuses her rudeness, but then again, nothing excuses making a small child pay for his mother's mistakes.

Phew, I'm glad I waited for Pictish to answer, as she's saved me the trouble!

My thoughts exactly!

Offering to move the pushchair - depends on how you do it. The way I would have done it would either have been accepted, or prompted the mother to move it herself.

Perhaps worth saying though, that I am pretty scruffy myself. Can't be accused of "chav" because I don't wear named clothing (ever!) but am generally dressed from charity shops and have strong local accent, so probably wouldn't be seen as a threat or patronising.

And blunt as that might sound, that's the reality of most people's schedules. Of course I take time out to think about the complexities of human nature and what makes us who we are, but it doesn't usually happen when I've just been for a pee in Debenhams.
I'm not assessing everyone I encounter and inventing a tragic history for them...I'm just trying to get on with my day.

The beeyatch was rude.

You cant move a pushchair out the way can you imagine I dont get why we should feel sorry for a rude arrogant woman who made the op wait that is just ridiculous and as for product of upbringing and the needing support and understanding is just I dunno if she smacked the op in the face would she still need understanding. I cant be doing with this oh people need our support and tea no they dont rudeness shouldn't be tolerated if the op said this stuck up woman with her plummy voice was gossiping on her phone and wouldnt move it would be a different story.

pictish, I wouldn't have thought about much complexity if I was busy with my own kids, or have invented a tragic history for her - and she would have no doubt resented it if I did! I would just have asked her to move her pushchair, (without judging!) and made sure that either she or I did it. Not fair on the child to make him pay for his mother's mistakes, if he really was scared of hand driers.

I have heard too many tragic histories to have to invent one

I don't want to come across as some kind of weird do-gooder on this thread. Just think that ordinary courtesy would involve respecting the fact that she might be dealing with a life-changing situation on the phone (hence bad language and lack of concern for her child) or that she may not understand that such bad language is offensive.

Also not judging her for looking like a "chav"...

Calling her a 'beeyatch' doesn't deserve a response really, so I don't know why I am bothering.

Why would a plummy-voiced woman gossiping on her phone be a different story? I am genuinely confused - was this a typo?

I really wonder what sort of world some of the (at least the minority of) posters live in. Cup of tea and chat, a kind word,meg , etcetera.

If you tried any of that in my town, you'd come off worse I think

Yes, you can move a push chair if you have asked the mother first.

Obviously it would be v.v. bad to move a push chair if you hadn't asked the mother. Totally wrong!

But, there are ways of asking... concern for the child would be the key issue, I think.

I find it so hard to imagine a situation in which a mother wouldn't agree to this in the circumstances described... but maybe I move in different circles to you lot!!