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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave 16yo and 12yo DS home alone for a WEEK?

167 replies

MsRyanGosling · 18/08/2014 11:20

Hi!

We are going on holiday next week, 1h40 away from home. DS1 16y, stayed at home earlier this year alone for a full week (had DoE project to do) and he enjoyed the independence. Survived on hob/microwave meals mainly and sandwiches.

Now 12 yo (nearly 13) DS2 is desperate to be allowed to also stay home with DS1 looking after him.

For: Would be in Skype/Text contact daily+ , Both are mature, don't go for socialising (unless online), DS1 could be trusted as proven before, we would be less than 2 hours drive away and would easily come back if necessary

Against : The house may be burgled by masked robbers, the house may burn down, The internet might go down - what would they do then?! It feels 'off' because he is only 12 They might get run over if they go out replenishing food supplies.

Mumsnet Jury?

OP posts:

Aheadofyourtime · 18/08/2014 21:26

Its all about expectations and what is now ' normal'

A woman was arrested last year or so because she went on holiday and left her daughter of 15 at a resort in Thailand and moved on without her. I think the daughter died or was raped sorry can't quite remember . The mother was prosecuted for leaving her behind.

It's now expected to care for young people until much higher ages.... Way beyond 18 parents now have huge input into their children's lives and they stay at home until mid twenties or so.

loveheart45 · 18/08/2014 21:30

No. Depending on their maturity levels though. If you trust them, then sure, leave them home.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 18/08/2014 22:23

Don't agree loveheart even if both of them are very mature it is not fair on either child to leave them for an entire week.

Aheadofyourtime · 18/08/2014 22:38

My brothers looked after me sometimes..I was also very very sensible and independent.
They just left me and went out!

Thirdtry22 · 18/08/2014 22:47

Apologies if this has been suggested already but is there a trusted neighbour/friend who can check on them regularly and who can be "on call" for them? Might be a solution?

mindthegap79 · 18/08/2014 23:01

I can't believe you're even considering it.

DaisyFlowerChain · 18/08/2014 23:11

No, never in a million years. Your child, your responsibility. Siblings should be free from childcare unless over 18 and being paid for it.

ChangelingToday · 18/08/2014 23:15

No definitely not

LynetteScavo · 18/08/2014 23:17

No way. A day, while I was at work, maybe...in fact I'd probably come home at lunch time to check on them. Definitely not over night.

LynetteScavo · 18/08/2014 23:19

And I think it's good for children to be forced to go out and do things they don't want to. Like go on holiday with their parents.

Pippioddstocking · 18/08/2014 23:28

Ok for the 16 year old but not with a 12 year old . I work in a healthcare setting and if it came to the attention of the authorities they would consider the situation as neglect in your case - have heard of similar cases .

BittersweetSymphony · 19/08/2014 00:01

My initial thought is no - funny considering that when I had just turned 17 I was responsible for a newborn baby.

PhaedraIsMyName · 19/08/2014 00:10

I don't see anything wrong in leaving the 16 year old, after all a 16 year old (in Scotland) can leave school, leave home and get married all without parental consent.

Leaving the 12 year old in the care of the 16 year old, depends on the 2 of them, does the 16 year old want to? Is there a reliable emergency back-up?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 19/08/2014 01:03

I'm 43 now but at 16 I'd left home and was working. I'd been working in restaurants waitressing and pot washing since I was 13. At 14 I was babysitting a neighbour's 4 kids every weekend over night, kids ages were 3-9.

I look at 16 year olds now and despair,I think we're doing them a huge disservice not letting them work as teens because of insurance laws etc, it's a crying shame.

I stayed with a friend while her parents went abroad for 2 weeks, we were 15. No parties, just enjoyed the freedom and responsibility.

OP, you know your kids and if there was a friend/granny nearby to do the odd random check I wouldn't rule it out completely.

Saying that I think family holidays are important even if you're a bored teen and some things you just have to put up with

DustyCropHopper · 19/08/2014 01:12

Our neighbours did this with their similar age girls. It was a nightmare for us neighbours (they argued a lot) and I know we were very shocked they thought it ok to do. The 16 year old home alone was no problem. When the 12 year old reached 16, it was a problem for us as neighbours. The parents always gave permission for her to have parties there, which were loud!

jamdonut · 20/08/2014 13:29

Confused that people say firms not taking on 16 year olds...my daughter has been working for Argos on a part-time (weekends) basis for nearly a year, and was still 16 when she started. They are only allowed to give a limited number of hours while she is still at school,but she has been working for nearly 26 hours a week during the holidays. When she goes back to school she will be back to weekends. This is on a permanent contract.
Many of her friends have jobs too...but this might be one of the perks of living in a seaside town where waitresses/waiters and similar are required,particularly in the summer.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 20/08/2014 13:34

Both of my older ds's worked from 16, just saying.

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