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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 16yo and 12yo DS home alone for a WEEK?

167 replies

MsRyanGosling · 18/08/2014 11:20

Hi!

We are going on holiday next week, 1h40 away from home. DS1 16y, stayed at home earlier this year alone for a full week (had DoE project to do) and he enjoyed the independence. Survived on hob/microwave meals mainly and sandwiches.

Now 12 yo (nearly 13) DS2 is desperate to be allowed to also stay home with DS1 looking after him.

For: Would be in Skype/Text contact daily+ , Both are mature, don't go for socialising (unless online), DS1 could be trusted as proven before, we would be less than 2 hours drive away and would easily come back if necessary

Against : The house may be burgled by masked robbers, the house may burn down, The internet might go down - what would they do then?! It feels 'off' because he is only 12 They might get run over if they go out replenishing food supplies.

Mumsnet Jury?

OP posts:
DangerousMouse · 18/08/2014 11:47

sounds like it'd turn into a Lord of the Flies scenario

Vitalstatistix · 18/08/2014 11:48

No. I don't think 12 is old enough to leave with another child.

You can't be sure a 16 yr old could cope.

also, if anything DID happen, you would certainly be considered negligent.

Would you even be able to relax? Wondering if your 12 yr old was ok. If your 16 yr old was keeping order. If they were fighting.

loveliesbleeding1 · 18/08/2014 11:48

No way, my dds are 18 and 13 and I still wouldn't.

fun1nthesun · 18/08/2014 11:49

If they fall out or there is an emergency you will never forgive yourself. I just wouldn't.

googoodolly · 18/08/2014 11:50

No way. Sixteen is too young to be in charge of a 12 year old for a whole week.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 18/08/2014 11:51

God no not on your life.

Far too much responsibility for a 16 year old who is himself 2 years off an adult.

ChoccaDoobie · 18/08/2014 11:51

Tricky, I have an almost 12 year old and am trying to imagine her being home with a sensible 16 year old sibling or family friend. I think a week is too long. Fine for a day or two or for the 16 year old on their own but I wouldn't leave them for a week.

AnyFucker · 18/08/2014 11:52

lovelies out of interest, when do you think you might leave your two home alone ?

mumeeee · 18/08/2014 11:52

No no way at 12. I would even be nervous to leave a 16 year old home for a week. However if you know he can be trusted then that's fine but it would be unfair for him to have the responsibility of a 12 year old.

Nancy66 · 18/08/2014 11:52

doesn't your 12 year old want a holiday?

I'm another no on this. Even allowing for him being sensible and mature. A week is too long

hamptoncourt · 18/08/2014 11:53

Sorry no I wouldn't.

The risk of one killing the other would be too great and I would be worried the whole time that Something Awful Had Happened.
I just think 12 is too young to be left with a 16 year old.

Springcleanish · 18/08/2014 11:53

In our house, 16 year old yes, 12 year old no way, at that age he comes with you or stays with friends/ family.

Janethegirl · 18/08/2014 11:54

I'd consider it if I had good trustworthy neighbours who could keep an eye on them and would phone me if necessary. It does definitely depend on the dynamics between your offspring.

runningonwillpower · 18/08/2014 11:59

When my boy was 12 I left him with a 16 year old babysitter for an evening.

A week?

It's too much responsibility for the 16 year old.

bonkersLFDT20 · 18/08/2014 11:59

No, wouldn't do this. While I think it's fine for the 16YO to have responsibility for his younger bro now and again (part of being in a family and all that), a week is too long.

My 15yo minds his 5yo bro quite a bit, but I am always mindful of the fact they are brothers and I think too much responsibility handed to the older one can change that relationship.

It's a shame the 12yo doesn't see the opportunity of going away and having his parents to himself for a week as a nicer option than staying home.

What would they actually do for a week home alone?

Kimaroo · 18/08/2014 12:00

I would leave both of them together for the weekend then collect the younger one. I've done this. Not fair to leave responsibility on the 16 year old for the whole week but shows the 12 year old you trust and respect him. (Also this way you are only worrying for 2 days and can see the state of the place and 16 year old's haggard face when you collectGrin)

Leeds2 · 18/08/2014 12:01

Another absolutely not.

ChoccaDoobie · 18/08/2014 12:02

I'm trying to remember how old we were when my parents left all 3 of us at home for 10 days. I think we were something like 18, 17 and 15. We were fine but we fought constantly! I'm not suggesting that was a great idea, as I recall they were going to ask my grandparents to come and stay with us but we objected!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 18/08/2014 12:02

nope, too young to be left together. sorry. overnight perhaps but no way a week

muffliato · 18/08/2014 12:05

16 year old fine. No way would I leave a 12 year old though. Too much responsibility for the 16 yo.

Stinkle · 18/08/2014 12:07

No

16 year old - no problem, but not with a 12 year old.

I have a 12 year old, she's going through a delightful stage at the moment, I can just imagine what a PITA she'd be left with a 16 year old for any length of time.

wfrances · 18/08/2014 12:09

no way

SoonToBeSix · 18/08/2014 12:10

Yabu even 16 is young for a whole with , fine to do but still young. Supervising a 12 year old is not fair.

WorraLiberty · 18/08/2014 12:11

No way would I leave a 16yr old looking after a 12yr old.

manofsponge · 18/08/2014 12:11

NO WAY