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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 16yo and 12yo DS home alone for a WEEK?

167 replies

MsRyanGosling · 18/08/2014 11:20

Hi!

We are going on holiday next week, 1h40 away from home. DS1 16y, stayed at home earlier this year alone for a full week (had DoE project to do) and he enjoyed the independence. Survived on hob/microwave meals mainly and sandwiches.

Now 12 yo (nearly 13) DS2 is desperate to be allowed to also stay home with DS1 looking after him.

For: Would be in Skype/Text contact daily+ , Both are mature, don't go for socialising (unless online), DS1 could be trusted as proven before, we would be less than 2 hours drive away and would easily come back if necessary

Against : The house may be burgled by masked robbers, the house may burn down, The internet might go down - what would they do then?! It feels 'off' because he is only 12 They might get run over if they go out replenishing food supplies.

Mumsnet Jury?

OP posts:
embox · 18/08/2014 13:34

My dd is 14 and we have only just relaxed and left her at home for ONE evening ! And I made her text me every couple of hours to check she was ok!
Over protective mother Grin

amyhamster · 18/08/2014 13:35

For example our local library used to employ 16 year olds as Saturday assistants , now they won't recruit until 18, usually on apprenticeship schemes :(
Kids these days aren't be allowed to earn their own money & therefore be independent until adulthood

WeAreEternal · 18/08/2014 13:40

Sorry but I wouldn't, it's not worth the risks, 16 and 12 are too young for that kind of responsibility.

bonkersLFDT20 · 18/08/2014 13:42

amy It's the insurance I think.
My 15yo started volunteering in a shop for his DofE award. Did a couple of weeks and then the rules changed so he had to be 16 (I think).

He then looked into helping out at the local animal rescue centre. No dice - too expensive to insure.

He, quite rightly IMO, got fed up with the whole thing.

He decided to help with Cubs and it's so lovely to see the leaders actually give the Young Leaders lots of responsibility. He feels valued and the Cubs really look up to him.

HSMMaCM · 18/08/2014 13:46

Say it's a house rule to wait until they're 16 to be left.

DarkHeart · 18/08/2014 14:00

Too much responsibility for the 16 year old I wouldn't do it.

ChillySundays · 18/08/2014 14:01

When DD was 17 left her for a weekend but DS13 came with us. Went away last year for a weekend at 18 and 14. Later this year will be leaving them for 4 nights at 19 & 15. I don't think it is fair at 16 to leave them with the responsibility.

RubyReins · 18/08/2014 14:07

My parents did this to us 20 years ago when they left us for 17 days during term time to go on holiday with their friends. I was 16, brothers were 14 and 12. We had a dog and a kitten to look after too, lived in the middle of nowhere with no transport and I was expected to cook, clean and play "mum". I resented the responsibility but I have no guilt about having had all my friends to stay over and make interesting and potentially lethal potions with the contents of their drinks cabinet... A different time I think!

loveliesbleeding1 · 18/08/2014 14:11

Anyfucker,I might leave the older one now, but not in charge of the younger one.(and that is only in theory, as my 18 year old would hate to be home alone for a whole week!).

HavanaSlife · 18/08/2014 14:11

I had ds1 when I was 16, was living on my own at 17. I would have been perfectly able to look after dsis 12 when I was 16, she often came to stay with me at weekends

clam · 18/08/2014 14:11

No way. And not just because I think they would possibly kill each other, either.
We left them overnight (with SIL and a neighbour on call) when they were 16 and 14.

RunBikeRun · 18/08/2014 14:12

My Mum did this, my sister was 16 and I was 12, all was fine untill day 3 and I broke my leg and she had to call an ambulance and I had to have an operation to have pins put in and SS for involved and my Mum got arrested and cautioned and SS were involved until I left home. My DD is 11 and I couldn't imagine leaving her with her 16 year old cousin. They get on very well but both would panic if an emergency occurred.

Even now 20 years on my sister still blames herself for the accident and resents my Mum for leaving her responsible for me.

jamdonut · 18/08/2014 14:18

Not for a week.

When mine were 12, 15 and 19 I left them for 36 hours when travelling with DH to see a concert in London, and the following year we did it twice again to various venues. I don't think it is fair for any longer than a couple of nights for them to have to look after each other.
They are 14,17 and 21 now...the eldest is off to uni soon,so I won't have him to fall back on! I still wouldn't leave the younger 2 for more than a couple of days...they would be at each other's throats if it were for any longer!

sashh · 18/08/2014 14:24

Totally alone - no.

Depending o how they get on together, and the 16 year old losing the freedom he had last time maybe.

But with someone who could move in at a moment's notice, or you could move the 12 year old to, maybe a next door neighbour.

Also strict rules about things like bedtime for the younger one, and how long older one can leave him in the house etc etc.

zeeboo · 18/08/2014 14:27

I don't think it's that outlandish a plan. My eldest did his first week alone at 16 and loved every minute for the same reason as the OPs. He once had care of our then 11 year old when he was feeling ill on our camping trip and both boys assured us that sending him home to be with his brother was better than us all packing up our camping holiday. It was fine and both boys and house were happy and intact when we returned.
Would I intentionally leave them both for a week? Probably not as they argue, but had the age gaps been between my son and daughter then yes, I'd definitely have been happy to leave my ds1 at 16 and Dd at nearly 13.
I do worry for some of the over protected teenagers in this country when I read people shrieking "HELL NO!!" On threads like this. It's one thing to say that because you know your children or your area that you don't think it would be a good idea, but the wailing and hand wringing is just ridiculous and not based in fact but Daily Mailesque fear. There are plenty of 16 year old single parents in this country caring for newborns on their own!!!

Topseyt · 18/08/2014 14:34

My daughters are aged 19, 15 and 12, so the younger two are similar in age to the OP's boys. Another no from me too, I have to say.

The 19 year old is largely out of the equation because she is at uni now, and obviously is legally considered to be an adult.

I would not leave the 15 year old and the 12 year old alone for this long. My 15 year old seems intent on remaining as un-streetwise as possible for as long as possible, though she is improving a lot now (thankfully). I just couldn't risk leaving her in charge of the 12 year old for that long. My 12 year old is just simply not mature enough. They do get left for three or four hours at a stretch each weekday morning during school holidays because I am working and they have been fine. I am only 5 minutes away though if there should be a problem.

Another thing to remember - each child on their own might be super mature for their age and responsible, but put together may morph into "partners in crime" (tongue in cheek) so to speak, and egg each other on in daftness.

sydlexic · 18/08/2014 14:41

Absolutely not, but then I wouldn't leave mine at 25 and 27 for a week in my house.

Friedbrain · 18/08/2014 14:43

I feel 16 is to young for a week....

No way to a 12 year old...

Sassyb0703 · 18/08/2014 15:06

You know your children best OP. I personally would have no problem with leaving two of mine when they were 12.yr old and 16.. however ss would have been camping on the doorstep if I had left a couple of the other dc - all depends on the child, only you can judge but a fun one to post as there will be parents on here jumping up and down with horror at that thought of you leaving your children even for the day before the age of 21.Grin

Mandatorymongoose · 18/08/2014 18:53

It's funny, my gut reaction is no, on the grounds of the 16 yr old not being responsible enough.

But actually at 16 I lived on my own with a 1 year old who I was always responsible for and who has successfully survived the last 14 or so years.

So I'm going to sit myself firmly on the fence and say that you know your children best.

As far as the legal side of it goes by the way I think you'd be very very unlikely to have any issues. At 16 your DS would be able to be legally responsible for the care of a child. So long as they were mature enough to manage looking after their sibling then it certainly wouldn't be neglect.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 18/08/2014 18:54

Absolutely not.

JuanPotatoTwo · 18/08/2014 19:08

No I wouldn't do this either, not necessarily because I wouldn't trust my 16 yr old, but more because of outside influences (eg, fire, burglary - unlikely but posdible). I just wouldn't be able to relax, therefore no point going. And if word gets around that your house is adult free then your ds may well find himself the unwilling host to a party ...

AnyFucker · 18/08/2014 19:14

OP, has the unanimous verdict influenced your decision at all ?

ChestyNut · 18/08/2014 19:17

No way.

Tikimon · 18/08/2014 19:18

We were left alone for a weekend but, we had neighbors come and check in on us. Everything was fine. The worst that happened was we hung out with some friends, didn't do chores (until the day they were coming home), and stayed up all night on the phone and computers.

They'd probably be fine. But just in case do you have an adult that can pop by to check on them or that they could call in case things got out of hand?

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