To leave 16yo and 12yo DS home alone for a WEEK?

[MsRyanGosling]

Hi!

We are going on holiday next week, 1h40 away from home. DS1 16y, stayed at home earlier this year alone for a full week (had DoE project to do) and he enjoyed the independence. Survived on hob/microwave meals mainly and sandwiches.

Now 12 yo (nearly 13) DS2 is desperate to be allowed to also stay home with DS1 looking after him.

For: Would be in Skype/Text contact daily+ , Both are mature, don't go for socialising (unless online), DS1 could be trusted as proven before, we would be less than 2 hours drive away and would easily come back if necessary

Against : The house may be burgled by masked robbers, the house may burn down, The internet might go down - what would they do then?! It feels 'off' because he is only 12 They might get run over if they go out replenishing food supplies.

Mumsnet Jury?

Not fair to expect 16yo to take responsibility and put life on hold to look after 12yo . Surely 12yo can accept that he has to wait his turn to be left at home.

Where's the OP?

I vote no too.

No way. I have 16 & 12 year olds.

We have left them once overnight, which was a last minute, not much choice, scenario. That was bad enough.

There is no way we could relax, it would be pointless.

YABU
I would not leave them for one night at their ages

At 16/17 I had my 13/14 year old sibling move in with me for at least a week while my parents took our two younger siblings on holiday.

No way. DM and DF left me on my own for a fortnight at 16, nearly 17. I was extremely well behaved, full time employment, etc. That fortnight I lost the plot, totally wild and things happened in their home no 12 year old should ever witness . Parents still have no idea!

Just a thought though, sixteen is old enough to have a baby and be responsible for it, so I guess it depends on the teenager.

At 15 I was left to look after my 22 year old brother for a week. I'm being a bit tongue in cheek, but my brother wouldn't have been trusted on his own for a week. We got on very well, and all went well.

If they're particularly responsible and cooperative then they should be fine with regular contact and local support.

No.

My DD's are 17 and 12 and while I can trust them for a night together there is no way I could leave them for a week. I would come back to the house in bits, them in bits and them not speaking for ever and ever.

Getting on for a day or so is one thing but I wouldnt expect them to manage more than that without a full on fist fight.

And thinking further, your 16 yr old had to prove himself in order to be left alone. Not nice if your 12 year old not only gets given this privilege with out earning it first, but that the 16 yr old is expected to baby sit for a week. Way to foster sibling disharmony there :o

Not in a million years and I'm another who is a bit [shocked] you're considering it.

oops !

We left our 16 yr old and she decided to move her dads work van off our drive and reversed into our neighbours fence so hide your car keys!

Just a thought though, sixteen is old enough to have a baby and be responsible for it, so I guess it depends on the teenager.

That may be legally correct but there are plenty of 16 year olds who have a baby and are not responsible enough to look after it - and end up with social services involved etc - as has happened to more than one 16 year old that I know. .

I'm here! Thanks for all your replies.

Firstly, I guess the very fact I was asking meant deep down I wasn't wholly comfortable with it but perhaps could have been persuaded either way with some good arguments, (not just from internet strangers I hasten to add). Going back for him after a couple of days was a good idea btw.

We are going camping, all dc's have already been paid for so it's not as if I don't want to take them!! DS3 is 6 and still wants to be with us thank goodness.

Ds2 is 12, thinks he is 21 and is too cool for anything and everything and family stuff in embarrassing and uncool. Funny how he enjoyed himself when he's there though?!

Last time, DS1 was left because he was working on a community fundraising thing for a full week and had to meet at the local college for four days and the camping had already been booked. He really enjoyed it, the independence etc. He would have come without question if it hadn't have been for that, it would not have come up as an option not because of not being allowed but never even thought of it, but he is 16, mature etc and like some posters said, some 16 yr olds live alone in their own place with their own children.

So DS2 will be coming with us!

To the poster who said about a broken leg - He has a high up loft bed so I said to him, what if you jump down there in the morning and break your leg! and he didn't have an answer He is not so cool as to want to go in an ambulance all alone without his mamma!

Sorry for the essay!

No 16yo should be made responsible for a 12yo, especially not for the sake of a holiday/to be like an older sibling. 12yo just has to be told that s/he will have to wait another 4 years.

You're doing the right thing, OP. To my mind the problem is the 12yo's presence - my Dsis did a week at home with a friend the same age when she was 16 and they were just fine - in fact the house was tidier when my parents came back than they'd left it and they'd done all their homework waaay ahead of time - but the 16yo/12yo combo is just not going to work.

Nope.................
My 15yr old (24 days till his 16th birthdayt) is SO not to be trusted..
Today just for an example!!..
Dh owns a car repair/mechanic business,
DS1 asks if he and his mates can sit in one of the courtesy cars.
and without dhs knowledge, proceeds to drive it up and down at lunchtime, a busy road in our village, 999 police are called.. go to see Dh and come to house, he may may be charged with TWOK...

That is the right decision, IMO

Now ignore the sulky gob and enjoy your hols !

No just too much responsibility for the 16 year old. I am saying this as someone who was left regularly with a 4 & 8 year old when she was 16.

Is it a couples holiday that you have booked or a family holiday? I would personally enjoy the last few holidays with them before the teenagers go off with their mates.

I would say that's a bit young. I'm leaving DD1 (nearly 18) with DD2 (14) for 3 nights next week for the first time. DD1 has stayed at home regularly over the last year but she always has a friend staying or she'd be scared on her own. I'm not sure how next week will go but I'm only an hour away. Two years ago I wouldn't have left them.

DD1 is looking after DD3 (7) for 3 nights in October when I go away. DD2 will be away. Leaving the 3 of them together would be a disaster!

DS1 used to take a friend when he was at that stage, then we would have 2 of them not talking to us!

16 yes. 12 no no no no no.

That was a fairly uneventful first time AIBU. Came a tad close with 'why don't you want to take them' but apart from that it was pretty easy!

Wonder if I have anything more controversial to bring to the table

Reading through all this I just wonder what is hapening to the youth of today...

I went out for lunch with a friend recently who kept phoning her son to make sure he was ok because it was the first time that he had been alone in the house. He is 16. We were out for 2 hours - I was shocked!!

When I was 17 my mum took my 2 youngest siblings to my nan's for two weeks while we were having the house re-wired. I looked after my 10 year old sister for the 2 weeks and her 11 year old friend who came to stay with us.

Other than more scaremongering and the media situation, I just don't understand why we're so untrusting of our children and don't trust in their abilities to cope on their own or with their siblings...