To ask - what is the latest you would leave it?

[owlscatsandcakes]

I really, really want a baby but I am single.

Obviously I want to meet someone to marry and have a family with but I am prepared to go for it alone if not . But this is as a last resort rather than a first choice.

So what I am wondering is what age should I effectively say - okay, no man coming along, let's just go for it?

:)

on the assumption all is okay fertility wise, how late would you leave it?

Ok, good question. Assuming you'll produce a baby somehow how long should you leave it:
ask yourself how you'd feel to be 50 when your child starts school or menopausal when they are teenagers or whatever other 'milestone' you can think of.

None of that put me off btw, just sayin'.

I will be 49 when DS4 starts school next year and I don't have issues with that. It just is what it is. I know some people are scandalised (my own mother included who had me at 24). Horses for courses IMO.

I think that I am lucky that I will have all these young adult children when I am in my dotage. They will all be fit and healthy enough to look after my every whim when I loose my marbles
(not really, I don't expect them to do anything. I see my 73 year old mother struggling with my severely demented 101 year old gran. Not nice, but again, it is what it is).

My not very helpful answer is that As you do not want to do this in the next year that in the meantime you keep on enjoying your life , may meet the one, but d a little research and if you still feel this way in 12 months go for it with or without the one. If you still feel strongly that you want to be a Mum and dont want not to be dont keep waiting for the one or suddenly you will be 40 , then 45 etc and obviously women are having babies later but not everyone. If you are secure and have a plan of how you would manage go for it or you may miss out. Who knows but from the sounds of it you don't want to be 50 looking back having not tried.

I say this as someone who met my one at 26, married at 32 and thinking about children at 35 ........there followed infertilityissues - my DH ,then at IVF stage discovered I had a womb problem not discovered before cue surgery, then 3 cycles of IVF plus 2 frozen resulting in 3 pregnancies which sadly all miscarried for different not predictable reasons at end of first trimester . After a break and time out we went through a long adoption route and at age 44 I became a Mummy.... So it took me 9 years to get there. Good luck going forward.

34

I would say..

Take into account your mum's fertility. My mum didn't go through the menopause until she was in her late 50's, so I knew I had time on my side (so to speak).

Try and get some tests done - just to be on the safe side.

If all this is good news, so long as you don't mind being older when the kids start school etc, I would say you can leave it til you're 36/37. Which is a few years off yet.

Who knows what might happen in the meantime?

I haven't read all the posts but I would also say have fertility tests done. Just because you were pregnant in your teens does not mean you would easily become pregnant now. I know a lot of poeple for whom that is the case. Also egg freezing isn't always successful and the eggs stand a much better chance of surviving the freezing process if fertilized. If you are still in this position at 38 (considering everything is ok) I would be looking at going ahead ( although thats an arbitrary number I came up with). I had my last baby at 36 and it was tough going compared to my 1st at 29 . A friend of mine was in the same position as you. She waited till 40 and had a child by donor IUI

Freeze your eggs is one option.

38 but I'd get seriously into dating up to that point. Online dating, speed dating, let all your friends know you're looking. In London I would aim for 2 dates a week ideally but elsewhere a smaller pool so 1 a week?

Can't find the Danish place my friend was using but this one looks similar www.copenhagenfertilitycenter.com/uk/priser.htm. Start with insemination not ivf.

If you're dead set on children I would really urge you to freeze your eggs. This would really take the pressure off you and a new partner, and obviously minimise chance of poorly children.

Thanks. Not sure about egg freezing - it seems to have a question mark over whether it would work.

At the moment I am inclined to think in 3 years time. Making me 37 when child is born. I may review this of course.

I want a baby but I want a family much more and having a baby would make this extremely difficult if not impossible so I need to give myself as much time as possible.

AFAIK there is no reported successful pregnancy world-wide using frozen eggs. If this has changed in the meantime, ignore me.