To ask - what is the latest you would leave it?

[owlscatsandcakes]

I really, really want a baby but I am single.

Obviously I want to meet someone to marry and have a family with but I am prepared to go for it alone if not . But this is as a last resort rather than a first choice.

So what I am wondering is what age should I effectively say - okay, no man coming along, let's just go for it?

:)

It's a very personal decision. I think if the maternal urge is strong enough I'd go for it at any age that I could IYSWIM? But practically I'd say 37-38.

I would give it till 35, then go it alone.

I had my girls at 33 and 35, and , where I live, I'm one of the younger mums.

I should add. I had mine at 33 (about to turn 34). And I was quite average for a first time mum in my area.

OP I dont think you can go on the fact you had a pregnancy already to think your fertility is ok. I got pregnant at 33 first try with DD, yet DC2 proved much harder and I started at 36.

If it's something you really want then I would start seriously looking in to it now.

However only you know how devastated you would or wouldn't be if it doesn't happen.

I know entering into single parenthood/sperm donation etc isn't something to be taken lightly, but I think in your position I would start that path now. Statistically the chances of you
a) meeting Mr Right
b) meeting Mr Right who wants children
c) meeting Mr Right who wants children and if already has children, wants more children
d) meeting Mr Right who wants [more] children, and wants more children within a year or so of meeting you
e) meeting Mr Right who wants children, wants more children within a year of meeting you and doesn't have male factor infertility issues

are pretty slim - that's a whole host of barriers there to you having a child with a partner.

owls, the 'fertility dropoff at 35' thing is crap.

It is based on some truly dodgy data gathered from C18th French peasants (I'm not joking). I'm sure you can think of some lifestyle differences between yourself and a C18th French peasant, not to mention differences in cultural norms, life expectancy, medical care and sexual behaviour.

In reality there is a gradual decline downwards from the age of about 18, both in fertility and in your chances of avoiding chromosomal abnormalities. It's not like you're OK until 35 and then suddenly stop working

Here's an article with a link to the full modern data: www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24128176

I don't have any experience of IVF I'm afraid, but as I'm TTC in my early 30s and haven't had any luck yet, I find it helpful to dispel the GOT TO DO IT BEFORE YOU'RE 35 myth

34 is not that old to meet and marry someone. Personally I'd give it another 3 year or so.

I think if I had been in your shoes I would have started to explore options already.
Though I had my second child at 38 and that now feels like a reasonable age, before I had him I always had 35 in my head as the age to have had my children by as fertility really starts to decrease after that age.

Are you fit and healthy?

Lots of new responses thank you :)

I have to admit purely from a selfish viewpoint the last two are the ones I want to embrace in a hormone filled 'thank goodness!' As I once started a thread despairing of ever meeting anyone and having children and everybody told me not to be daft, that I had loads of time! So the doom-laden responses surprised me a bit!

To come back briefly to an earlier point - I would have to self fund IVF or IUI anyway. So this is not really a relevant point to be honest.

Id love two children but really take the view that you get what you're given and if I have one - whether alone or in a relationship - then that is okay, that's fine :)

I appreciate what people are saying but I do feel I should at least try to find a husband or partner!

Been to see gp who says that age 35 data is out of date now and as woman now live longer, are fed better and in better health and in fact there's no difference between someone in their 20s and 30s ttc and having problem it's just they may not have tried in their 20s and realised they might need help. The other thing to consider she warned me if the longer you leave it the more fertile you get and the more chance of twins. Has since meet ladies in their late 30s and early 40s who had their first and ended up with twins. by 40 start so plenty of time yet

Sorry - responses from Adam and Armani :)

Yes, fit, healthy and well.

I really have no intentions of starting the gruelling task of IVF or IUI any time in the next twelve months but thank you.

Ooh blimey - twins!

They run in my family too!

I'd try not to get too spooked by your age, owls. I think you'll get a lot of people quoting the post-35 thing, but it really isn't evidenced.

See, London's doctor knows the score

I have lo

I have loads of friends in similar positions to you, op, and the general consensus seems to be

• freeze eggs at sub-35
• start process of single parenthood at 38ish, to become a mother at 39-40

If I were you I'd seek specialist advice for ALL the info you might need to make decisions.

Fertility is a hugely personal thing - some women conceive no problem at all in their 40s, others have problems much younger, so age alone is no real predictor (although yes, or course, fertility does not improve as we get older the 'fertility cliff' after 35 for all women is a bit of a myth). 'Ovarian reserve' can be assessed using a blood test (Anti-Müllerian Hormone etc).

Egg freezing is not as likely to lead to a live baby as embryo freezing - I've known women who used donor semen and froze the resulting embryos. 'Fresh' embryo transfer is more likely to produce a healthy child than frozen embryos etc etc.

It is certainly not as simple as saying 'freeze eggs' - the whole process of ovarian stimulation, then harvesting is… hard.
Equally being a single parent to a child (no matter how conceived) needs to be thought about long and hard: never mind having a baby, what about a toddler/child/teenager/young adult?

Having said all that, I had my first aged 37 and DS4 aged 44, so it is possible, just not guaranteed.

Good luck!

Dh knows once I turn 28 I won't even consider children

The other thing to consider she warned me if the longer you leave it the more fertile you get and the more chance of twins.

Twins are more common in older women not because of increased fertility but because of how egg cells divide.
But yes, the increased chance of twins used to terrify me

Skim read so apologies if this has already been covered

Don't rely on egg freezing - please. It is highly experimental and when I last checked there was only 1 pregnancy worldwide that occurred as a result of using frozen eggs. Admittedly this was a while ago.

Embryo freezing is far more successful, but then of course you would need to use donor sperm which you may or may not be comfortable with.

I'm not saying do it/don't do it, it is a very personal choice, but please look into how effective it is first. If you do, some clinics are better than others - I would highly recommend thorough research before you decide where to go.

Jade, no way would I have considered children before I was 28 (and had no DH to have them with anyway)

Yes the twins idea scares me too... .

Ohfour is right about egg freezing, it would need to be embryo freezing and even that is less successful than a fresh cycle of ivf.

I had my dc at 32 and 35 and we hope for one more before I'm 40.

In your shoes I think I'd probably be looking to go it alone sometime around 36/37.

Same pacific - we are all hugely individual :)

Last year I went to an information morning at the London women's clinic as it was free and my friend and I went shopping in London afterwards Because I attended the morning I got a 'fertility MOT' half price so I went for this and they confirmed there were no problems.

I was the youngest there by far (obviously I was 32 at the time) and I did conclude that while it was something I would do it wasn't my first choice either. So I put the idea on the back burner a little bit for now at any rate.

Well, you need to bag yourself a partner then

Really, I wish you all the best. I cannot tell you how relieved I am that I am past all that
I remember the feeling 'this is never going to happen to me' really well. It's not fun.

Are you my sister? My advice would be do it, don't leave it too late, I have to lovely DC's and I would hate for my sister not to have kids of her own, she would be an amazing mum