To ask - what is the latest you would leave it?

[owlscatsandcakes]

I really, really want a baby but I am single.

Obviously I want to meet someone to marry and have a family with but I am prepared to go for it alone if not . But this is as a last resort rather than a first choice.

So what I am wondering is what age should I effectively say - okay, no man coming along, let's just go for it?

:)

Same gp did warn against fertility mot as said its only a snapshot that month. We had a very long talk.

london, there are different kinds of tests: Day21 progesterone only tell you about ovulation that month, AMH gives an idea of overall ovarian egg reserve.

All the tests in the world cannot foretell the future though...

tells

I have nothing to add advice-wise, except this: please don't tell yourself you have proven fertility because you got pregnant as a teenager. Lots of women get pregnant quite easily but miscarry. I don't know statistics but when people talk about struggling to have children, it's often this they mean, not just failing to get pregnant.

I don't think it should sway your decision, but you ought to be aware of it in terms of being emotionally prepared for what might happen.

Well but I can't really shag around and then if I get pregnant say 'ah I am fertile, jolly good!' can I

Really it's a guessing game no matter what - just like anybody else I have to put SOME things down to chance - I can't control everything but I wouldn't be happy without a child and so if it comes to it I will have to consider having an 'alternative family' or whatever the phrase is.

If, with a husband or without one, I can't conceive even with assisted conception then I'll have to deal with that as and when.

Pacific - of course! But it isn't that easy

I had given up on meeting a man and planned to do as you. Then met current man at 33. Broke down in tears after reading an article about how fertility is terrible after 35. He was fabulous (this was 3 months into the relationship) and said if I wanted a baby we could consider it.

Got pregnant at second try at 35 and then again at second try at 36. There's a lot of scare mongering going on about how hard it is to conceive after 35 which wasn't my experience at all.

However, in your position, once I hit my 35th birthday I would be going for it so would be researching and making appointments now just to be on the safe side.

owl, DH has a lovely friend we are trying to marry off (he is very sweet and I feel all maternal about him and his quest for a spouse, aw) - you interested?

Yes I do realise this everyone. I really do!

But I can only go on the information I have - I'm not being blasé and saying 'oh it's okay as I've got pregnant once' bit I am giving information to say that as far as I know I am fertile and explaining why I think this is the case.

Having a baby alone is VERY far from my ideal situation and I wouldn't be contemplating it at all if I wasn't convinced I want to be a mum. But I feel I owe it to myself as well as future children to try to find a loving Dad for them.

So I do recognise and respect why people are sharing this information but just the same I feel it would be very foolish to rush head first into something when hopefully there is time yet to meet someone.

If people genuinely feel I'm not going to meet someone now all I can say is those responses are very different to a precious thread someone else started and that lady WAS 35.

Sorry, I took that too far - I did not mean to be flippant. Apologies.

I may just be pacific and I'm not being entirely daft! Where's he situated?

MUMSNET WEDDING!

I'm finding your earlier statement that you just had to be a Mum and just couldn't get to 50 without children to be very much at odds to your recent relaxed statements

If it means that much to you I wouldn't take the risk of waiting

From London, currently in Glasgow.
V good professional job. With prospects.
Great with kids.
V funny.
He's ?38. I think.

Ignoring all the fertility points that have been made, what are your prospects of finding a partner?

Bit personal, but are you successful in the attraction stakes? Do you socialise, attend clubs, have hobbies, work in a busy environment with prospective partners? Have you tried dating sites?

Maybe it's better to be realistic first on your chances of meeting a partner before fixing an age as such?

As in, if you aren't regularly meeting men now, and you don't do any thing about that, then you may as well go for ivf as soon as you feel ready.

Ah token that's lovely :)

I was born when my mum was 36 and I know she conceived me on first try so I guess as I say it just feels normal to me.
Family friends have two little boys and she had them at 42 and 44. I probably wouldn't leave it that late but I was thinking of fertility treatment as a single lady at 38/39 really! That was consistent with the ages of the other ladies at the clinic.

pacific - wasn't offended! :)

My sister in law left it till she was 43! She's got a 6 month old baby now.

That's the problem with anecdotes: all v interesting and heart-warming, but mean diddly-squat for your own prospects.

Oh and no man on the scene. She's a lesbian. No woman either....she got tired of waiting for the right woman to have a baby with so has done it with the help of a friend of hers.

Pacific well personally, when I am facing a dilema I love hearing anecdotes about others in that situation. It encourages me.

I was in your position. Gave myself 'til 35 before I went to LWC for IUI with donor sperm.

I met DP a week before my 35th birthday :o And no I didn't settle. I adore him, and think he's gorgeous and I was incredibly lucky. Two yrs later and we've been ttc for six months.

If I am honest I wish I had gone it alone at thirty. Had a baby and took the pressure off myself re children. I feel massively under pressure now.

My advice would be to go for it now. I don't think you'd regret it. And then you have the rest of your life to meet someone.

In your situation, I'd give it 2 years, in those 2 years, make a point of on-line dating and trying to find a suitable partner, tell all your friends you are looking to find someone, it's amazing how many people know someone who they think you'd be great with but don't want to set you up as that would be interfering...

At the same time, save as much as possible - children are expensive - even more so on your own and paying for IVF!

Look at your life, anything you'd like to change to mean you'd be in the best position at 36/37 to have a baby? If you were thinking of moving jobs, try to do it now so you've been there a while before starting IVF. If you're going to rely on family for childcare, are you going to move to being closer to your family? If so, start getting that sorted now so any building work etc can be done before hand.

Margaret is it really at odds? If I have fertility problems despite a previous pregnancy and despite a check up confirming I'm okay then I have fertility problems - I can only do what I can do.

Married or not I would be heartbroken never to have children but I suppose I feel it's not very likely.

I guess I expected some people to say 35/36/37 but I was trying to calm the 'NOW GET PREGNANT NOW, TODAY!' posts which scared me made me feel I had to contextualise matters a little.

I AM desperate to be a mum but at the same time I don't want to give future children a disservice.

Token It's not scare mongering, it's statistics.

I like the anecdotes. As long as they are positive ones of course

Mary thank you. It's been very difficult for me to meet a partner up until now, for a variety of reasons really! Hope I can give it a 'proper' try. Then if I haven't got anywhere will start thinking of babies without a man.