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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel really upset aft DP pointed out a hot girl he thought should 'sit on his face'

301 replies

peachyliz · 17/08/2014 15:18

My DP of 3 years occasionally glances at other women discreetly. I'm fine with that. More recently when his mates are over, they talk about hot women (celebrities) at great length, and I laugh and go along with it. A few times recently he has made similar comments about hot women, even when he is just with me.
Then yesterday we were going through a drive-through, and he pointed out a woman working there and said "she doesn't belong here, she is way to hot to work here", so going along with the joke, I said "oh really?". And he said "she belongs sat on my face".
I was completely stunned, and as we were on the way to spend the day with my family, I just didn't say anything. We spent the evening with friends, and he joked with them that he had crossed the line, and wanted me to just forgive him (in front of them, so no opportunity to talks about it).
I'm angry because I feel like he just doesn't respect me, and that I am a bit of a doormat. I'm having a confidence crisis anyway, because he recently spent several weeks with mention-itus about a new, beautiful female friend of his (who is apparently just lovely, talented, and invited him to a BBQ party without me). So I just feel even more insecure now. If this is the stuff he says to my face, what does he think about when he meets other women?

Sorry for the essay. Am I being unreasonable to be really upset and angry?

OP posts:

bethcutler13 · 19/08/2014 10:52

What ever. I am so glad I have him a chance.
It worries me that if I had listened to this garbage I would have thrown my family away because of something I now consider insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

AnyFucker · 19/08/2014 10:53

I hope it works out for you, Beth.

Fairenuff · 19/08/2014 10:54

If this is what "concern" looks like then I'm genuinely shocked.

Maybe that's a good thing. Sometimes we are in a situation that we think is perfectly reasonable until other people point out that it's not. The shock is sometimes enough to jolt us out of the 'fog' and see more clearly. Support like this can be invaluable.

bethcutler13 · 19/08/2014 10:55

It has, thanks.

temporaryusername · 19/08/2014 10:58

Also, I know this this thread is not 'light hearted' but am I the only one who finds it mildly amusing that the cameo role in this was played by someone who has no idea she's played a part in this discussion?

Somewhere an attractive girl is going about her normal duties at work, blissfully unaware that she 'belongs sat on his face'. Ignorance is surely bliss for her there.

NB. it should be sitting, not sat, but I am going with the man's original choice of 'sat' as to me that was part of the horror of the whole sentence.

bethcutler13 · 19/08/2014 11:01

Temporaryusername I can't thank you enough for that post. Brought a much needed smile to my face. Tempted to
Go to the nearest McDonald's to see if by chance I can spot an attractive lady serving fries.

ssd · 19/08/2014 11:01

its amazing how some women defend men who are complete pricks.

I'd rather be single.

GrapefruitILoveIt · 19/08/2014 11:02

Nobody ever leaves a man or asks him to leave because people on the internet have told them to.

What happens is that their gut tells them it's not right, but they don't believe in their own gut, they usually seek approval from their partner but when the issue is about their partner, they come to an internet forum to seek approval to have an opinion. Cos they're so addled and confused and a bit ground down that they no longer believe in their gut and no longer believe in their right to have an opinion or to draw a line.

I put up with 7 years of shit before I posted on mn and I was told resoundingly to leave. And it still look another four months before I finally left.

So don't for a second believe that somebody in a good relationship reads 'ltb' and then thinks, 'right, i'll pack a case'. It doesn't work like that.

If this thread makes you uncomfortable then a psychotherapist would say good. Think about why it makes you feel uncomfortable.

AnyFucker · 19/08/2014 11:02

I guess there is humour even in the sexual objectification of women

AnyFucker · 19/08/2014 11:03

Exactly, grapefruit.

Vivacia · 19/08/2014 11:05

Well, she works in Maccy-fucking-dees, so is getting what she deserves I guess.

bethcutler13 · 19/08/2014 11:12

What she deserves? Didn't know she did anything wrong...:S apart from being attractive enough to apparently "sit on someone's face"

Poofus · 19/08/2014 11:17

LTB. He sounds vile.

But I'm not so sure that "sat" is incorrect. Perhaps he envisages her being "sat" on his face, presumably by him or his cronies, rather than voluntarily sitting. It certainly sounds like she might need a bit of encouragement.

AnyFucker · 19/08/2014 11:18

Beth, you might want to look back at your post where you said this : I was being sarcastic when I said "up to scratch with the girl who works in McDonald's" because SHE WORKS IM FUCKING MCDONALDS and if my do had said this I would have joking said "well I best get to the gym to match up to the girl who works in maccy fucking d's"

GrapefruitILoveIt · 19/08/2014 11:22

yeh, competing with other women you don't know for the rest of your life, that sounds like a miserable existence. And coming home and talking about the hot guy in the coffee shop doesn't counter it. It just ups the ante and gives him permission to leer at more women.

That sounds like a horrible exhausting life.

bethcutler13 · 19/08/2014 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bethcutler13 · 19/08/2014 11:27

It's like being in the school playground again.

AnyFucker · 19/08/2014 11:27

That's right, Beth. We are going to end up old, bitter and alone and eaten by alsations.

bethcutler13 · 19/08/2014 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Vivacia · 19/08/2014 11:29

Ah, Beth, I'm sure we've all had moments of feeling misunderstood and misrepresented on internet forums. It doesn't feel nice. I'm sure next time our paths cross we'll be agreeing on something.

I'm not sure it'll be about the man-hating, cat-loving, (fast-food working?) spinster stereotype though

gordyslovesheep · 19/08/2014 11:29

She may be working in McDonalds to find her PhD as my friends daughter, and many other students do. Not sure how it equates to her getting what she deserves?

gordyslovesheep · 19/08/2014 11:30

And less of the ' to be' I already AM a crazy old cat lady

Vivacia · 19/08/2014 11:31

For the record, because it's obviously not clear, my comment was in regards to Beth's,
"I was being sarcastic when I said "up to scratch with the girl who works in McDonald's" because SHE WORKS IM FUCKING MCDONALDS and if my do had said this I would have joking said "well I best get to the gym to match up to the girl who works in maccy fucking d's"

bethcutler13 · 19/08/2014 11:33

Me neither. Confusing right? Poor girl isn't even here to stand up for herself.
I'd still hate to work in McDonald's, but good on her if she's paying for her PhD. Attractive and clever.

AnyFucker · 19/08/2014 11:33

it was completely clear, viv

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