To feel really upset aft DP pointed out a hot girl he thought should 'sit on his face'

[peachyliz]

My DP of 3 years occasionally glances at other women discreetly. I'm fine with that. More recently when his mates are over, they talk about hot women (celebrities) at great length, and I laugh and go along with it. A few times recently he has made similar comments about hot women, even when he is just with me.
Then yesterday we were going through a drive-through, and he pointed out a woman working there and said "she doesn't belong here, she is way to hot to work here", so going along with the joke, I said "oh really?". And he said "she belongs sat on my face".
I was completely stunned, and as we were on the way to spend the day with my family, I just didn't say anything. We spent the evening with friends, and he joked with them that he had crossed the line, and wanted me to just forgive him (in front of them, so no opportunity to talks about it).
I'm angry because I feel like he just doesn't respect me, and that I am a bit of a doormat. I'm having a confidence crisis anyway, because he recently spent several weeks with mention-itus about a new, beautiful female friend of his (who is apparently just lovely, talented, and invited him to a BBQ party without me). So I just feel even more insecure now. If this is the stuff he says to my face, what does he think about when he meets other women?

Sorry for the essay. Am I being unreasonable to be really upset and angry?

What the fuck are you on about?

I was responding to "iamusuallybeingunrrasonanle" comment about me going to "make myself hotter".

Really this thread is NOT about you, never heard so much guff in all my days - I'm off to partake in real life, good luck with your DH, and hopefully the OP knows she's worth more than to be spoken too like that by now

Well yesterday you had all this time for the gym and MN and getting your hair done.

I doubt I'd have the time to be talking shite on MN if my partner was in hospital.

I haven't gone to the gym or had my hair done. Why are you all so horrible? No empathy for anyone. How could you not feel ashamed of yourselves?

Have just spent ten minutes reading through this thread and chortling at some of the absurdity

OP, wherever you are, I think you really need to consider your relationship with this man. He doesn't sound particularly pleasant. I hope your chat went well

You were the one going on about going to the gym and having a facial, getting your hair done etc. You told the thread you didn't have time for all this as you were so busy with all that.

I'm not being horrible. I'm saying what I have read that you have typed - unless you've been hacked of course and some awful person is typing all this guff.

Ok.
Just leave It now everyone please.
I don't care what anyone thinks of me, I just wanted to post for OP and it got out of hand.
Please just leave it.
Sorry OP for all this.
Hope you are okay.

My ex-partner used to be like this, although he would say things mostly when it was just me and him. I remember writing a list of all the things he had said and decided then that I couldn't carry on with someone who made me feel shite. He would also comment about how pretty my friends were, so would dread it whenever they wanted to come over and would make excuses not to see them.

We had three children together (who were very young) but I really couldn't tolerate it anymore and used to cringe whenever he would want the television on (because I knew that it meant he would be oggling and commenting over every single woman that came on). That was 20 years ago. Unhappy days.

It's funny, because we spoke about this a few years back and he said that he only did it because it was his way of trying to 'keep' me.

What an absolute knob!

He sounds overly confident and the op sounds a bit of a sensitive flower...

Never going to end well...

the op sounds a bit of a sensitive flower.

What makes you think that Gemma?

I had an ex like this, I started saying it about men when he inevitably said something I said 'not nice is it'. Worked especially well in front of a group of his mates.

Back to the OP - there's nothing "sensitive" about not wanting your partner to use sexually explicit terminology or the like about other random women...

It's disrespectful end of

Beth as I said on your TAAT, switch the computer off and step away. You'll feel better for it.

The wording off the op...

She should've just told him to fuck off and sort has attitude out, point to the door and remind him...

But no, she comes on here to talk about how upset her feelings are.... Hence sensitive flower

I see what you are saying. I suppose sometimes we are caught unawares and are too surprised to say something. Of course, some of us don't use "Fuck off" with our loved ones.

I think the main reason I feel that the OP isn't being overly sensitive is because this isn't a one-off. It's repeated behaviour that can lead you to not knowing which way is up. I think in these situations, when you have a gut feeling but your partner is making you doubt yourself, MN advice is great.

YANBU. Dump him.

GemmaWella81

I'd like to know what makes you think the OP is sensitive. I don't think she's being unreasonable at all, and there are quite a few people who do consider me a bit of a hard bitch, and not sensitive at all.

This man has used sexually explicit language about another woman, revealing at best that he's immature, and at worst that he's a misogynist.

Not attractive at all.

So when I say to my husband I'd love xyz to jump my bones when watching TV etc that also make me immature and misandrist?

Not saying she had to put up with nastiness but it seems many of us have differing levels of trust and acceptability.

My husband is good enough to pause live TV if I'm missing some eye candy.... Guess that means we don't respect each other judging by some of the views in here.

FFS. This isn't complicated.

If a partner continues to do or say something that you have explained you don't like, that's no ok.

"So when I say to my husband I'd love xyz to jump my bones when watching TV etc that also make me immature and misandrist? "

It might well if it made your husband feel insecure and unhappy and you carried on doing it even when you had been asked to stop, yes. And please not the different tone of the language you use, and the language the OP's husband uses.

I think that's staying the obvious viv...

"I think that's staying the obvious viv..."

Huh? The OP doesn't like it, her husband won't stop. A post or two ago you said she was being over sensitive. You can't have it both ways.

I think that's staying the obvious viv...

So, does that you wonder what kind of relationship a woman is in, or what kind of upbringing she had, if she's no longer certain that it's obvious?