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Original poster

To feel really upset aft DP pointed out a hot girl he thought should 'sit on his face'

301 replies

peachyliz · 17/08/2014 15:18

My DP of 3 years occasionally glances at other women discreetly. I'm fine with that. More recently when his mates are over, they talk about hot women (celebrities) at great length, and I laugh and go along with it. A few times recently he has made similar comments about hot women, even when he is just with me.
Then yesterday we were going through a drive-through, and he pointed out a woman working there and said "she doesn't belong here, she is way to hot to work here", so going along with the joke, I said "oh really?". And he said "she belongs sat on my face".
I was completely stunned, and as we were on the way to spend the day with my family, I just didn't say anything. We spent the evening with friends, and he joked with them that he had crossed the line, and wanted me to just forgive him (in front of them, so no opportunity to talks about it).
I'm angry because I feel like he just doesn't respect me, and that I am a bit of a doormat. I'm having a confidence crisis anyway, because he recently spent several weeks with mention-itus about a new, beautiful female friend of his (who is apparently just lovely, talented, and invited him to a BBQ party without me). So I just feel even more insecure now. If this is the stuff he says to my face, what does he think about when he meets other women?

Sorry for the essay. Am I being unreasonable to be really upset and angry?

OP posts:
jelliebelly · 17/08/2014 15:34

Why are you wasting your time on him - no respect for you or women in general and at 30 he certainly isn't going to change.

Toofattorun · 17/08/2014 15:34

He doesn't sound ready to settle down at all. He seems very immature and is maybe trying to get you dump him?

WhatsGoingOnEh · 17/08/2014 15:34

Do you have kids and a mortgage together? I hope not. He's a cocky, arrogant twunt. He says these things because he likes your reaction. :(

You need to bin him. If you have ties (kids/money), then pull back while you disentangle yourself. Read Why men love bitches to get your sass back.

In future, don't "go along" when men point out pretty women. Look at them all confused, with a "Hmroo?" expression on your face, like you have NO idea why they'd say something like that to you. You're not one of the lads.

Original poster
peachyliz · 17/08/2014 15:34

Oh, I should say that he has said he realised the comment was out of line, and he is sorry. But that is irrelevant when I still feel awful.

We have a house together. Urgh, well at least I know its DEFINTELY not me being over emotional or anything.

OP posts:
wantacatplease · 17/08/2014 15:36

I'd show him the door.

FreeLikeABird · 17/08/2014 15:37

Don't waste anymore of your life on this waste of space, he has zero respect for you, if you let him get away with it, he will just keep doing it.

BorisBaby · 17/08/2014 15:39

I'm very easy going and let my DH off the hook with many things but I can honestly say if he ever said anything like that I would be kicking him to one side. We have a house and kids together totally unacceptable even if he was with his friends!

First time I have ever said this but LTFB!

FunkyBoldRibena · 17/08/2014 15:39

He went over the line because he can't be arsed to end it and he wants you to draw a line under it.

LeahLeah · 17/08/2014 15:40

I think I'd have hit him....

scallopsrgreat · 17/08/2014 15:41

I kind of got warning signs of what this guy was like from your first sentence. Why are you OK with him glancing at other women discreetly? Would he be happy if you were doing the same? Or if you suggested a bloke shouldn't be doing what was doing but instead be under you?

You know how he views women don't you? They are their for his pleasure. They aren't people in their own right.

Run. Run away.

spongebob5 · 17/08/2014 15:42

What a knob! He doesn't respect you , I'd be thinking seriously about the future of this relationship if I were you.

Original poster
peachyliz · 17/08/2014 15:43

I've been wondering about the idea that he is just pushing me to end it, because he can't/won't.

OP posts:
MostWicked · 17/08/2014 15:44

What a complete tosser. What on earth does he think he sounds like when he talks like that about another woman in front of his gf?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 17/08/2014 15:44

Eww he sounds revolting.

Sorry Peachy but you deserve so much better than him. Get rid.

Tikimon · 17/08/2014 15:45

Yeah, he's saying it to you to get a reaction out of you. Which makes him a dick. He's feeling insecure, so he wants you to as well. It's a game. You don't want someone that plays these games with no regards to your feelings.

He obviously has no respect for these women, and women in general, if all he sees them as is man meat. It shows by his lack of respect for you as well.

Ooh, yes as WhatsGoingOnEh Why men love bitches is a great book! Funny too. My husband was a little Hmm at it (and informed me, no men do not love bitches) until he saw what it was about, and then agreed with it. :)

lildupin · 17/08/2014 15:46

I think you would be happier and more confident if he wasn't in your life. Sorry OP.

I8toys · 17/08/2014 15:46

30! - he needs to grow up. I would lose complete respect for anyone who talked about women that way. Can you imagine having kids with him and your boys talking that way?

Original poster
peachyliz · 17/08/2014 15:47

Think I will order that book... Sounds good :-)

OP posts:
CabbagePatchCheryl · 17/08/2014 15:50

Gross. I do think that if this is out of character then he is trying to get a rise out of you. That might be because he wants you to end the relationship, or maybe he's just unhappy and taking out on you. Like a vicious little boy stamping on ants.

Either way, he has no respect for you and other women and you deserve better. I'd run a mile, I'm afraid.

DogCalledRudis · 17/08/2014 15:50

I don't know, but maybe he's just winding you up and being stupid rather than disrespectful? Return the joke when you see a hot man Wink

PenguinsHatchedAnEgg · 17/08/2014 15:50

He is an arse. A man who thought in those terms about women would not have a place in my life . And the fact he said it to you shows he doesn't respect you either. Urgh.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/08/2014 15:54

LTB now he sounds awful. Get out while you can.

wheresthebeach · 17/08/2014 15:55

Ewwwww...what an awful thing to say.
Run for the hills!

Alicebannedit · 17/08/2014 16:01

He still has the mindset of an adolescent and is pushing the boundaries - are you really prepared to wait for him to grow up?

Also what Tikimon said^

CaptainSparklePants · 17/08/2014 16:01

In my experience the men I know who comment like this are still single. It is an incredibly unattractive trait.

Also, who over the age of 14 actually uses "sat on my face"?

There are two issues here. Firstly he is making you feel shit, which is unacceptable. Secondly, he is grossly objectifying women.

It sounds like he is getting worse and hasn't always been this bad. In which case speak to him, he may just be being led by his friends and not realise he being a dick. Explain that you are feeling insecure, to which his reaction should be only reassurances, if he tries to blame you in any way then ditch him. Also discuss the disgusting objectification of women with him. If he doesn't see the issue and isn't embarrassed then ditch him. Imagine having children with a man who thinks it's ok to say a random woman should "sit on his face" just because she's pretty.

If he has always been this bad then LTB.

Me and my dp have a mate who says similar, but less gross, things as the OP's dp, and my dp will tell him he is making men look bad when he does or says it. This is the mate that we had to explain that cock-shots sent to a woman after an argument will not help the situation. In fact they may make things worse... Hmm He is nearly 40 and still single.

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