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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To feel really upset aft DP pointed out a hot girl he thought should 'sit on his face'

301 replies

peachyliz · 17/08/2014 15:18

My DP of 3 years occasionally glances at other women discreetly. I'm fine with that. More recently when his mates are over, they talk about hot women (celebrities) at great length, and I laugh and go along with it. A few times recently he has made similar comments about hot women, even when he is just with me.
Then yesterday we were going through a drive-through, and he pointed out a woman working there and said "she doesn't belong here, she is way to hot to work here", so going along with the joke, I said "oh really?". And he said "she belongs sat on my face".
I was completely stunned, and as we were on the way to spend the day with my family, I just didn't say anything. We spent the evening with friends, and he joked with them that he had crossed the line, and wanted me to just forgive him (in front of them, so no opportunity to talks about it).
I'm angry because I feel like he just doesn't respect me, and that I am a bit of a doormat. I'm having a confidence crisis anyway, because he recently spent several weeks with mention-itus about a new, beautiful female friend of his (who is apparently just lovely, talented, and invited him to a BBQ party without me). So I just feel even more insecure now. If this is the stuff he says to my face, what does he think about when he meets other women?

Sorry for the essay. Am I being unreasonable to be really upset and angry?

OP posts:
SurfBoredCat · 17/08/2014 16:08

Yuk.
You have bigger issues than the fact he said that to you: that he said something like that at all.
Obviously has a lot of respect for women with comments like that. Hmm
I wouldn't be able to tolerate someone with that kind of attitude, let alone someone who disrespected me by saying it to me!

Hope you're ok OP.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 17/08/2014 16:12

Um.......that is completely disgusting and inappropriate.

I would think that DH had taken temporary leave of his senses if he had said something like that to me. Absolutely inappropriate and revolting. I'm speechless.

indigo18 · 17/08/2014 16:13

I would go before I gave him a chance to end it.

LondonRocks · 17/08/2014 16:15

Ewwwww x 10 million

He's moronic.

Greythorne · 17/08/2014 16:16

Lab before you get in too deep.

Foul, foul excuse for a partner.

Rebecca2014 · 17/08/2014 16:18

Vile. He sounds very immature for his age, hope you are okay.

PicandMinx · 17/08/2014 16:24

He sounds like he is pushing you to split up with him. He doesn't appear to respect you or other women. Why would you want to waste anymore of your time with him?

ramrod757 · 17/08/2014 16:47

Jeez, these are the sort of comments guys make amongst themselves - not in front of their OH!

UptheAnty · 17/08/2014 17:00
Sad
peachyliz · 17/08/2014 17:07

Thanks for the reassurance folks, I had been wondering if I was overreacting. I am having a chat with him this evening about our situation.. Wish me luck!

OP posts:
wirezip · 17/08/2014 17:15

Gosh no, you're not overreacting at all. I'd be livid if DH said that. One of his friends used to come out with this kind of drivel, even in front of his GF. Eventually, after listening to about two hours of him telling us all which women on TV he'd fuck, I told him we didn't need to know and weren't interested. His GF actually thanked me in front of him for speaking up but he still got the arse with me for being "uptight".

Unfortunately, she married him. Apparently, he still does the same thing plus he makes comments about what a goer she is in front of her parents. But he is an utter cunt.

Sallystyle · 17/08/2014 17:17

He would be long gone.

Disrespectful, immature, and disgusting.

And If my husband even had these conversation with his mates behind my back it would seriously change my opinion of him.

JessieMcJessie · 17/08/2014 17:18

Presumabky he didn't actually tell your familyvwhat he had said? I am afraid that my gut reaction is LTB.

icanmakeyouicecream · 17/08/2014 17:23

Sounds like a massive dick to me

roastednut · 17/08/2014 17:24

Yanbu at all. My dh discreetly (well I think he thinks it's discreetly) glances at attractive women when we are out however in the same way that I would probably glance at a nice looking man in passing. Not big deals for me or dh... BUT the comment your dp made? No no no.

morethanpotatoprints · 17/08/2014 17:26

Maybe he wants you to dump him because he wants to be with the work colleague you mentioned.
Dump him, he's an arse and sounds like the ex he spent his 20's with got out before the thirties.
There's something wrong with people in their thirties who haven't settled down yet.

Bunbaker · 17/08/2014 17:28

"There's something wrong with people in their thirties who haven't settled down yet."

That's a bit harsh. I would rephrase that to read "there's something wrong with people in their thirties who haven't grown out of behaving like a teenager"

areyoubeingserviced · 17/08/2014 17:29

He is an insecure fool

He feels like shit and wants you to feel the same way.
I don't actually think that he wants you to dump him , but he deserves to be dumped.

Bahhhhhumbug · 17/08/2014 17:31

My DH comments openly about 'gorgeous' women on the tv , celebrities,newsreaders etc and that doesn't bother me but if he ever did it to a 'real life' woman in my company I would state that I hoped they would be very happy together and walk off and never look back. It's like that Peter Kay advert (John Smiths bitter?) where the menfolk of a few couples
are all talking about their favourite women (film stars etc) and Peter Kay says ''Sandra at work in the typing pool' (or ilk) and everyone is looking at him like Shock and he is saying 'What??'

RubyGoat · 17/08/2014 17:36

He sounds horrible, either pushing you into ending things, or he's just a grade A knob. Hope your 'chat' this evening goes well.

Turningscrews · 17/08/2014 17:39

I really don't think you are doing yourself any favours by going along with it and pretending you don't mind.......never try to be the cool girlfriend as it will only be a stick to beat yourself with!

cool girlfriend

But either way you are not overreacting and I would be prepared to leave if his behaviour doesn't drastically improve -life is far too short.

LizLimone · 17/08/2014 17:44

He has recently turned 30? Really??

He sounds about 13.

I'm sure you could do a LOT better than being with this man-child.

SirRaymondClench · 17/08/2014 17:45

I don't think one person on this thread has said YABU Op.
LTB.
Hopefully you'll dump his sorry arse tonight!

AnyFucker · 17/08/2014 17:47

Yuk,, what a tool, sounds like the worst sort of neanderthal

Fgs, don't have kids with this throw back

thinkineed2admit · 17/08/2014 18:00

ugh, soooo disrespectful and uncaring! I'm calling LTB.