To not want to give dd2 the big bedroom.

[Maisyblue]

Dd1 goes to uni in September and obviously will only need her bedroom in the holidays. 10 year old dd2 therefore asks if she can have her bedroom because it's much larger. Aibu to say it's still dd1s room and it's not fair to move all her stuff into much smaller dd2s room?

Yabu.....
But, maybe you could agree with dd1 and 2 that when dd1 returns from uni for good that she gets her room back

DD1 is 15
DD2 is 10

DD1's bedroom is a reasonable size.
DD2's is tiny.

We all agree that in three years time, DD2, who will be going into Y9 at that point, will get the bigger bedroom.

Anything else would be utterly unreasonable. DD1 will have her space at university to study, while there isn't room for a desk in DD2's tiny room - just a bed and wardrobe.

We will decorate both rooms before DD1 leaves, and do the changeover together that summer.

DS1 moved out 7 weeks ago to join the Army. He and DS2 are lucky because they have the same sized double rooms, otherwise we'd have swapped rooms if DS2 had had the smaller one.

DS1 has drawn the short straw, he's moved into an 8 man room with a tiny bed space!

YABU.
When my elder sister went to University, I got her room and she shared with my younger sister when she came home - on what planet would it be logical to have an empty room for 36 weeks of the year ?

My ds is going to university this September, and his sister is moving in. When he gets home, he will have her (much smaller) room for the holidays.

Where is it written that the eldest always gets the biggest room anyway? This is just a natural time to do the swap around.

I like Ebearhug's Christmas idea - DD1 gets until she comes back for Christmas, so she has a notice period and time to get used to it, and the swap happens when she goes back in Jan.

I'm sure my sister moved into my room as soon as I moved out to university. it's only fair and sound a like DD1 resents her younger sister a bit. I would have been told tough luck although we had just moved house at the time so I wasn't particularly attached to any room in the house. If dd2 room was only a little bit smaller then maybe but if dd2 can't even have sleepovers she should be given the chance of a bigger room for 3 years. i would however make it clear to dd2 now that if dd1 comes back to live at home when she finishes uni (or before) then she has to swap back.

If she is going to halls for the first year I'd say it was fair to keep her old room as she will be back over hols and summer - but once she is in rented accommodation I'd say it's fair that she won't need to bring everything home at the summer - especially if she can find somewhere for two years and it makes sense that someone living there full time has use of the extra space - they could swap at the end of the summer that dd1 goes back to her new flat or shared house - get a chance to put her stuff where she wants it and have a clear out and dd2 can have fun making it her room - it seems like a natural progression.

My bedroom was converted within 2 weeks of me moving out. I knew I could never go back. I was 19.

Your Dd1 will still have room, I completely agree that the younger one should get the bigger room now.

It isn't your eldest's house, I wouldn't have asked her in the first place as she really has no right to refuse to swap.

Of course DD2 should have the big room!

How would she feel spending months at a time in her little room whilst the bigger room is empty?

DD1 needs to be handed a grip.

Everyone I know in this situation has redistributed bedroom space in this way. 'Tis only fair.

I hope you stand up for DD2 OP and that all goes well.

You should definitely swap them. Your DD1 does not have the right to insist that it remains her room.
She is not going to be home often enough to justify having the bigger room.

DD1 is being spoilt and selfish and of course younger DD should have the room!

It's not fair she is cramped every single day just so your DD1 has the luxury on her couple days back.

YABU. I'm the eldest and had the bigger room when we moved houses when I was 11 and my brother 6. I went to university at 18 and the rooms were swopped immediately so he could have the bigger one. I didn't mind at all and it made sense. When I came home during the holidays (although only really returned for Christmas as I had a job at a riding school from the February of my first year and various other places after) I slept in the smaller back room. It would have been selfish of me to insist on keeping my room and it didn't cross my mind that I would keep it.

I'm really pleased you've listened to MN common sense and agree DD2 should now get the big room. As the youngest I was used to getting the arse end of everything so whilst I understand why the older sibling gets the bigger room, when they've moved out surely that's the time for DD2 to get to sample some of the privileges herself?

Thanks for all the input. Have decided to leave it for the first couple of terms or so, so it doesn't look as if we couldn't wait for her to leave the house. Then I'll try to reason with her and hope she'll agree to let her sibling enjoy a large room like she did.

I would leave it until after Christmas just to make sure she doesn't have a change of heart about university. Quite a number realise in the first semester that they are on the wrong course or don't want to be there. Its a brave decision to make and would be awful when you feel your life is falling apart to come home to a different room.

In the first semester she is likely to come home more than the rest of her time at university put together.

Hopefully all will go well and then after Christmas the room swap can take place.

Hope she'll agree?
Who's the adult here? I feel really sorry for your dd2.

"Hope she'll agree"

Are you joking?

Your poor DD2.

I think that's the best option. When I first went to uni, my room still looked like I lived there, gradually it emptied out as every visit home resulted in me taking more and more stuff back with me.
In the first year I wasn't moving out, I was just going away to study, within a few terms that had subconsciously changed.

I'm sure your DD1 will be the same and whilst I think it's fair your DD2 gets a go in the bigger room, I don't think DD1 should just be kicked out of it.

That's really unfair and I'm the older sister. She has had the big room for all her life and expects DD2 to be in the tiny one, while she's only using the big one for a few weeks per year? YABU, and waiting a few terms to see if DD1 agrees - also YABU. It's your house, she does not have to agree, especially as she's being so selfish .

My brother got my room when I went to uni. I'd had it for 17 years it was only fair! Old enough to go to uni old enough to understand that.

I would allow the swap. I always feel a bit guilty that my oldest dc automatically got the largest room. Seems like a good opp to even out the time each dc has the bigger room, especially as dd1 will be away for more time than she is back at home.

I didn't even know this was an issue until I read this - eldest is off soon and it just seemed obvious that the ones still at home move about, change rooms, redecorate .

Why are you so scared of DD1 OP?

When I say I "hope she'll agree" I mean it would be nice if she reaches the decision herself and it's all done amicably. That's surely the best policy all round to keep a harmonious house. If she doesn't agree then dd2 will get the room even if it means upsetting dd1. No need to feel sorry for dd2 though, it's not a massive deal to her.

I still feel sorry for DD2. Give her the room. DD1 sounds very entitled and spoiled, and I'm afraid that you sound like a wimp.

My sister took my room when I left. My DD2 took DD1's room when she left. How selfish keeping an big empty room.