To throw a cup of tea at the floor (my DH feet) after telling me I didn't do anything during my MAT leave

[Lieveke77]

I'm fuming fuming fuming I have done nothing but nappies, laundry, cleaning, ironing and all the rest of it... Not to mention that when MIL was over 2 weeks pp I was cleaning, feeding and ironing all day while they just sat on the couch and chatted. 2 more weeks and MAT leave is over TG!!! I think (wish I could) just do nothing from now on...

What I would really like to know is how/why posters can accept, excuse and justify an act of violence?

I already answered that. Please go back and reread my post.

"People minimize and make excuses for mistakes all the time. Excuses in and of themselves are just that. That's why abusers are so insidious, they use the same excuses that they would use on something trivial to make their abuse look trivial.

Therefore trying to draw a comparison between an excuse that can be used on just about anything to claim people are being abuse apologists is rather disingenuous. You need to look at the action and the intent behind it."

As far as I read the OP posted a fairly typical black and white version of what 'caused' her to act in a violent manner

Do I believe that she worked all day as a household drudge?
Do I believe that he sat on his arse all day?

I think it was probably somewhere in between but that the OP was trying to justify her violent behaviour

This is pretty much the standard when anyone tries to justify violence or abuse. They always have a back story to explain their behaviour.
I'm amazed that we pretend that only men do this

ADHDNoodle

Yes, I read that and take it as a generalised statement.

And if I am to look at the "action and the intent behind it" I see someone that lost control and threw an object at someone to cause hurt and pain.

Your statement does not say why you feel that you are able to excuse, justify and minimise the action of the OP.

Really?

You haven't a clue what it's like to be on the receiving end of emotional and physical abuse, have you?

youthecat

If that is aimed at me. Actually I do.

It wasn't.

I'm sorry to hear that you or anyone has been or still is in an abusive relationship.

I am surprised that this can cloud judgement and opinion around violent acts or other patterns of abusive behaviour as long as they are perpetrated against a man.

Thinking that you alone have a special understanding of dv/a because of your experiences isn't accurate.
Unfortunately x infinity

I don't think I'm the only person with an understanding of abuse. What an insulting thing to say.

I do think it's very easy to judge from the comfort of your armchair though. Of course men can suffer abuse. I have never said that they can't.

It wasn't intended to be insulting youthecat I'm sorry that you feel that way

You have no idea what any of us have experienced in our lives, so why the raised eyebrow?
Why suggest that others haven't a clue what it's like to be on the receiving end of emotional and physical abuse?

You, through your experiences, feel that you know what is going on. I, through mine, disagree.
We both hold our views from the comfort of an armchair ta

May be 'insulting' was the wrong word.

'Patronising' might be better.

so its an opinion then

Of course.
My understanding of aibu is that is canvases opinion.

I'd be keen to learn where I have been patronising?

I disagreed with you and was told I hadn't a clue what it's like to be on the receiving end of emotional and physical abuse.
I think that that was rather patronising tbh.

That I couldn't have an opinion or experience because you didn't feel that I could have possibly experienced what you had. Therefore my experiences and opinions were null?
Sounds patronising to me

I simply offered a different view

Thinking that you alone have a special understanding of dv/a because of your experiences isn't accurate.
Unfortunately x infinity

This ^^ for one example.

I accept your view is different. That's fine. People have different opinions.