to 'accidently' wake up DP during every night feed.

[jellybelly701]

Or just whenever I feel like waking him up actually.

Sorry it is so long.
DS is now almost 9 months old and the boy just doesn't sleep. All he wants to do is play and stand up, I can get him to have two, one hour naps a day but he often refuses to go to sleep at night. His bedtime is 7pm but for the past month he still hasn't been asleep my 10pm he will wake up at 3am every morning without fail and sometimes he just won't go back to sleep for two hours. Then he's awake and ready to start the day by 7am.

He is breastfed so I have always been the one to wake in the night and since he has been born I've been getting on average 5-6 hours of sleep a night and never more than 3 hours at a time. DP works FT, he does need a good nights sleep so I just get on with it on my own.

However the sheer lack of consideration from DP is making my blood boil. Weekends are supposed to be my lie in days. DS is eating solids and finger foods now so DP can give him breakfast and entertain him so I can get a few hours sleep. DP hasn't woken up until 11-1 every weekend and I have been up since 7 on my 'lie in' days.

DP always decides at about 11pm that he wants a shower before bed. Ds room is directly next to bathroom and the bath and shower are in the same place as his cot, just on the other side of the wall. The shower wakes him up because it sounds like a bloody jumbo jet and once showered DP gets into bed and goes to sleep, so I am left trying to stay awake feeding DS in a warm, dark and silent room when all I want to do is sleep.

DP wakes ds every single morning, if his two-minutely alarms going off from 5:30-7 (he just sleeps through them all even with a sonic boom alarm clock) doesn't do the trick then the banging around and shouting up the stairs certainly does.

This morning he must have actually woken up to his alarms for once because at 7am both me and ds was still both asleep, until DP couldn't find something for work and somehow thought I would know where it was. I didn't of course so a lot of banging around and him being as loud as possible has woken DS.

I'm getting fed up of it. So, WIBU to wake DP during the night and make sure he gets no more than 6 hours a night and 3 hours at a stretch so he can see how I feel?

Or failing that,

WIBU to kill him?

Ps completely agree eddie that most baby books are bollocks - this one, however, is gold dust. I'd be lost without it: Dr Marc Weissbluth, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child

puntastic people are advocating cutting down on naps not cutting them out all together.
I thnk cutting down naps definitely helps .I mean have you not found that the more tired you are the longer you sleep.It stands to reason.
Having said that I found that bfeeding at night is a sure fire way to encourage a baby to wake up every few hours.

I'm not going to cut out his naps. If he doesn't nap during the day he tends to fall asleep at around 5pm, fully dressed and unbathed. If I undress him he wakes up and is grumpy and if I leave him to sleep he just wakes up an hour later anyway, is grumpy and wont go to sleep for at least another 4/5 hours even though he is clearly tired and needs to sleep.

DP wasn't happy about his alarm clock, and he didn't for one minute believe that the books fell off the windowsill. After telling him it would be such a shame for his phone to suffer the same fate he cut down his phone alarms by half, which is a start.

Not getting out of bed until 2pm on a weekend is not a lie-in, it's fucking lazy.

IME, little ones can get into a loop of too little sleep and often sleep better and longer when they are sleeping the most.

Most 9 month olds need 2 naps a day.
Some may start transitioning to a single long nap, but usually not until well over a year old.

Co-sleeping with a BF baby/toddler worked for me.

jelly, I would say LTB but that would risk him doing the same thing to another woman in the future so I'm afraid you're going to have to kill him.

I'm sure you'll find a long list of willing alibis on here.

Seriously, he is a twat of the highest order. Do not think for one moment about changing anything to do with your DS until your manchild has either gone or grown up.

The Cunk

ime, and bear in mind that this is just from my own children, this is what i have noticed:

bad night's sleep is from:

• too little sleep. this results in frequent waking and generally unsettled night time sleep. grumpiness too. lots of crying and wanting comfort.
• too much sleep - waking up in the middle of the night and wanting to play. generally quite cheerful.

again, every baby is different and blanket statements aren't going to apply to all babies.

of course an 8 mo dropping day sleep is very unusual. i can tell you i wasn't happy about it!!!

If I was you I would go away for the night / weekend with friends and leave ds with him.

That's the only way he will understand how much you need his support (but beware that the day / night you go will clearly be the longest / hardest / least sleep day EVER).

As for soul sisters comment about sabotaging job prospects by asking for teamwork and suggesting op should make allowances because she is relying on his income, think of it another way. If this drove op too far then it would be sabotaging a marriage and the dp would be responsible for paying op part of his income to op and DC for the rest of his life. Is that preferable? I'd rather take the marriage, no one needs half a day's lie in, they both have responsibilities and the dp sounds like a selfish git.

Sorry, relationship if not marriage

Sleep begets sleep, you're doing the right thing not cutting the naps. It's probably a phase. I would try to reduce night feeds to one per night, and try to feed until drowsy not asleep.

But your priority is sorting out your prat DH.

Hi op. My baby didn't sleep well at all from around the same age as yours until she was 11 months. I was back at work.

We took it in turns to do nights. We both managed to work with sometimes as little as 4 hours sleep. It was horrible but we did it. Your husband can and will cope with sharing the burden. In my experience it was far easier being sleep deprived at work than being sleep deprived at home with a baby to look after. Far far easier.

At this point I'm sorry to say it but I would be moving both myself and the child into the spare room.

Because he plainly doesn't give a shit. He hasn't responded to any of your entreaties so far. Nothing has changed, you've been able to lie in until 8.30 ONCE. So just accept it.....he does not really care.

So. Move out. He can do what he likes then. ALONE. Might give him the kick up the arse he desperately needs.

Oh and if you still hear the alarm through the wall? Throw it out. In a bin at the supermarket so he can't get it out again. Just throw the bloody thing out. i'm amazed you haven't already.

My DP is utterly crap at night- truly horrendous- useless.

He readily admits how shit he is and unhelpful he is. He cannot cope with a baby at night- never has helped at night with any three of our children.

However he is great in the day- will send me back to bed, will clean the entire house while im in bed- wouldnt dream of lying in bed until 11-1 after I have been awake all night.

Your DP sounds a bit shit tbh- he should be helping you out more in the day. Its not much to ask is it really?

Update

DP has been showering as I feed DS before putting him to bed, so no more late night showers.

however his phone alarm still goes off every few minutes in the morning. In fact when it started going off at 5am this morning I told him to get his arse out of bed, to which he replied " why do you want me to wake up so early?"

The mind boggles.

Also since I have been putting my DS to bed when he is sleepy and relaxed instead of asleep he has only been waking once in the night for a short feed :)

I'm sure that your 'D'P must have redeeming qualities for you to still be putting up with his selfish and thoughtless behaviour.
There needs to be give and take with sleep, you both need as much as you can get, his stupid phone alarm going off for hours each morning is eating in to your and DS's valuable sleep. If the twunt can't understand that then I would suggest he finds somewhere new to sleep that is out of hearing range of everyone else. I snooze my alarm once or twice when I'm by myself, I sure as hell wouldn't if I knew it disturbed other peoples sleep!
How about you suggest that every time his alarm goes off more than once you will be emptying a cup of water over his head, pretty sure it would only happen once after that
Likewise for any other behaviour that disrupts your DS's sleep, I think it is about time DP learnt a thing or two about how it feels to have his sleep messed up.
With regard to the weekend lie in, surely you can have one weekend day each and set an agreed time. So you leave him until 10am and he does not wake you before 10am type thing? You both work full time and both deserve a break. Perhaps express a feed or two for DS while you get a decent length rest on your morning off?

The reply is
"Why do you want me to wake up so early by setting your FUCKING alarm for 5am?"

There would be no 'accident' about waking him up if he were my husband.

He is being horrifically selfish.

And no way would he be laying in till the times he did at the weekend. That's when you should pull together as a family and he realises the Housework Fairy doesn't actually exist.

I can't believe anyone would put up with this for even a week!

Er isn't it obvious that you set your alarm at the time you want to get up.
It's a teenagery thing to do, to have it on snooze for hours. And really really selfish. He needs to grow up.

Maybe on his next extended weekend lie in set your phone alarm at 5am every 10 minutes outside his door. See how he likes that?
Seriously I don't get why he is so damn rude to you.

What a selfish twit!

dont cut out his naps - seriously op I could have wrote your post.

The amount of people that said dont let them sleep through the day , for dd it just did not work , it made things worse !!!!

I started sleep training. Sitting out side bedroom with a brew and iPad and going back in every few mins for a quick cuddle, lie down, stroke back and left the room. It was hideous but after a few days it worked! It seemed to go in threes her crying, on the third crescendo it sounded as if her head fell off and that's when she was settling.

Stop feeding to sleep. Chance your bed time routine. I know people will pull their faces at this but I bathed, read story let dd have met of her bottle and then put her down with it then sat out side till she fell asleep. It worked .

Dd will go 6:30- 6:30 which is the time people get up here any way.

Regarding dh - honestly tell him to step up or fuck off. I took five month of bring a martyr . When I was deaf and bond through tiredness. I told him to pack his bags. He stepped up.

Good luck

Tell dp that snooze and early alarms are really bad as they disrupt REM. So he will wake up shittier than if he had skep to the right time.

Otherwise just say no!

I could have written most of that except mine is 15 months and still does not sleep! I am a SAHM and I always get the excuse that he has been at work all day and clearly I sit and do nothing all day (we also have 2 dogs i have to walk) and our child seems to have a death wish climbing in things/over things/ trying to strangle himself so I don't get a minutes peace and can barely go to the loo by myself.

I am going away next month for 2 nights and leaving him with the child. He has not been alone with him for more than 5 hours ever so hopefully he will appreciate he will appreciate how hard it is!

I think I would just turn off his alarm if it went off at 5am.