to 'accidently' wake up DP during every night feed.

[jellybelly701]

Or just whenever I feel like waking him up actually.

Sorry it is so long.
DS is now almost 9 months old and the boy just doesn't sleep. All he wants to do is play and stand up, I can get him to have two, one hour naps a day but he often refuses to go to sleep at night. His bedtime is 7pm but for the past month he still hasn't been asleep my 10pm he will wake up at 3am every morning without fail and sometimes he just won't go back to sleep for two hours. Then he's awake and ready to start the day by 7am.

He is breastfed so I have always been the one to wake in the night and since he has been born I've been getting on average 5-6 hours of sleep a night and never more than 3 hours at a time. DP works FT, he does need a good nights sleep so I just get on with it on my own.

However the sheer lack of consideration from DP is making my blood boil. Weekends are supposed to be my lie in days. DS is eating solids and finger foods now so DP can give him breakfast and entertain him so I can get a few hours sleep. DP hasn't woken up until 11-1 every weekend and I have been up since 7 on my 'lie in' days.

DP always decides at about 11pm that he wants a shower before bed. Ds room is directly next to bathroom and the bath and shower are in the same place as his cot, just on the other side of the wall. The shower wakes him up because it sounds like a bloody jumbo jet and once showered DP gets into bed and goes to sleep, so I am left trying to stay awake feeding DS in a warm, dark and silent room when all I want to do is sleep.

DP wakes ds every single morning, if his two-minutely alarms going off from 5:30-7 (he just sleeps through them all even with a sonic boom alarm clock) doesn't do the trick then the banging around and shouting up the stairs certainly does.

This morning he must have actually woken up to his alarms for once because at 7am both me and ds was still both asleep, until DP couldn't find something for work and somehow thought I would know where it was. I didn't of course so a lot of banging around and him being as loud as possible has woken DS.

I'm getting fed up of it. So, WIBU to wake DP during the night and make sure he gets no more than 6 hours a night and 3 hours at a stretch so he can see how I feel?

Or failing that,

WIBU to kill him?

9 months could be teething or sleep regression. try anbesol liquid on his gums

to the people telling to stop feeding at night and to sleep - ignore them. the issue isn't your DS, the issue is your partner...

my 2.5yo sometimes still feeds to sleep, sometimes (when she has a nightmare) still needs me in the night. but sleeps through wihtout any sleep training...

the alarms - glad you sorted it, but i really would make him stick to one alarm or make him sleep in the living room if he can't be considerate.

shower at 11pm, no fucking way... and sleep until 11am on weekends, again, no way... he needs to learn he is a father now... that comes with responsibilities as well as lovely squishy babies

Yes it could be teeth. My dd is 15 mo and luckily talking quite a bit. Last time she woke in the night for 3 hours (3 to 6am argh) she pointed to her teeth and said teeth ow. Its only now she can communicate what's wrong. So I bet the wakings when she was littler was teeth too but she couldn't communicate that.

Ah to have an evening. I had one of those about a year ago then her sleep pattern changed and no more. But I will again, just not at the moment. She needs me now but it won't be like this forever. But it has taken a while to be ok with this. So I totally understand if you aren't ok with no evenings.

I am a bit concerned as to your DHs lack of concern for you and thoughtlessness. Does he realize the impact of his behaviour on you? Does he care?
I wouldn't suggest bashing his foot 'accidentally' each time you get up for a night feed nooooo

Another thing that helped me is cosleeping. I cracked up after 10 weeks of getting up every 2 hours overnight. DH slept in spare room. Then we bought a super king bed and enough room for all 3 of us.
Look up the Isis sleep website, I know the lactation consultant behind it, it's great advice and all evidence based and shows how to safely co sleep.

Or just kick your DH foot each time you get up, the choice is yours
(This is aibu right!)

IME 9 months is when they work out how to take the piss

Teething, particularly with the first 2 sets (bottom centre 2 usually come through first, then top centre 2), can cause all sorts of trouble. At just under 9 months, DD's throat became badly inflamed, and she had a temp up to 41 degrees for 3 days that warranted our first ever trip to Emergency. Her first 2 teeth emerged 3 days later. Sleeping problems, upset tummy (again, excessive saliva causes this), needing to comfort suck, and I can imagine they just feel absolutely crap for days and weeks so of course would want extra cuddles. (Another reason why I can't imagine controlled crying would be advisable at this point!) If your DS is combining this with starting to crawl, he has a LOT going on, and I can imagine would be feeling very unsettled. Maybe try giving him some Calpol about 10 minutes before trying to get him to take a nap and see if that just takes the edge off for him?

This isn't going to help you feel less tired of course! But if he even goes off for 20 minutes, please go to sleep with him OP! Even 20 winks here and there will help.

Stop the childs naps.
Wake husband up at weekend
Talk to him

We found ibuprofen worked better than calpol as it is anti-inflammatory as well...

TinyTear sorry for brand preferencing! Yes, Baby Nurofen works a treat too. :)

Your DH sounds like an unappreciative, disrespectful dick. Sorry.

Yes going to work is tough on little sleep but so is looking after a child quite frankly. And this is a problem that may persist... My DH and I still split lie ins evenly (I work P/T) as we have a very early riser and our DS is 20mo.

You need to put your foot down.

Hi OP YANBU, I could have written this, almost exactly when my DS was this age he is 2.4 now. Firstly your DH is being a complete arse but probably not on purpose, if he's anything like my DP it is because he is the centre of his own universe, if he hasn't noticed DS waking throughout the night and you attending to him then it hasn't happened in his world and you must be exaggerating. Calling catching up on desperately needed sleep a "lie in" is a mistake, lie ins are luxuries which he thinks he should be entitled to as much as anyone, catching up on sleep for you is essential, not a luxury lie in. I told DP we could have equal lie in privileges when we got equal nights sleep, eventually he understood (when I accidentally woke him up every time we woke up for a couple of weekends). Your DS is probably waking so much due to being woken so much if that makes any sense, his little brain will be on edge expecting to be woken up any minute with scary shower/alarm clock/stomping noises and it will stop him going into a deep enough sleep to sleep for longer periods, take away the rude awakenings and he will most likely sleep for longer after a few days no CC or anything required. Also BFing to sleep is not a bad habit, it is the way nature intended and eventually your DS will grow out of needing that no training necessary, (unless you really want to stop it which is your call in which case I have heard Elizabeth Pantley's no cry sleep solution is very good). I would try making sure he is not woken up unnecessarily before anything drastic like night weaning or CC though, so no ridiculously early alarm clocks for no good reason, no late night showers and maybe earlier nights for DH too if he struggles getting up. With any luck you'll all sleep so much better that there'll be no need for lie ins and they can go back to being a shared luxury.

As a fellow sleep-deprived Jelly with a similarly nocturnal breastfeeding JellyBaby, you have all my sympathy and it sounds like you've been remarkably restrained with that hammer.

I would ask if you were married to my ex, but his baby (and wife) are older. Plus he doesn't work

However I could have written this post 6 years ago. Ex never did night feeds, moaned about nappies and always wanted a lie in. Apparently I could have a lie in, I just had to wait for him to wake up first he was fine when we had ds1 it was after we had the second that he turned into a selfish prick.
My ex even had the same routine with the alarm clocks as your dp. I'd turn it off because it was giving me a headache and waking the baby, he'd then say he didn't wake up because I didn't leave his alarm on long enough!

Once I left the dc in the bed with him and went out, Ds2 fell off the bed as ex was asleep. This was apparently my fault as I shouldn't have left them with him.

Anyway, like others have said the baby isn't the problem. Both of mine woke for feeds at that age, and napped during the day.

My DH does the opposite. Showers at a time that won't disturb the kids/me. He also sleeps with the alarm on vibrate right next to his head. When it goes off he silently slips out of the room desperately trying not to wake us. He lets me sleep in both weekend days if I am particularly exhausted as his nights are undisturbed

If someone was having two minute alarms going off when I was sleep deprived and finally sleeping I would be homicidal. That's torturous. What a completely selfish piece of shit. Can you sleep in separate rooms.

I have a 9 month old.

I didn't do a single night feed on my own. Before baby was bottle fed, husband still woke and did whatever he could to support me and the baby.

I'm back at work now. I have a highly demanding role. It is easier than looking after a baby all day!

My husband is off work at the moment. When I get home I look after baby and he cooks for a break from baby and I entertain baby, do bath and bed. Whoever isn't bathing baby tidies downstairs and gets bottle ready. When he was at work and I was off, we did things the exact opposite.

We are a TEAM.

We will work it out when we are both back.

This lack of respect is baffling. You need to stand up for yourself, now.

I think YAB a little U to be honest. If your baby is breastfed (as both mine were until 2 yrs) there is little that your husband can do, other than chat, which to be honest was the last thing I wanted. Also do you really want his sulky arse round the house the next day?! I would ask him to shower when he comes home from work and to turn his alarms off (or you do it, when he's a sleep) and ask him to use just a normal clock. However, part time parenting at the weekend stinks, as does waking you and baby to 'find' his stuff.

book yourself into a hotel for a night. and just sleep.
let 'd'p deal with baby, no worries he will manage (both baby and him).

I think your 'D'P lies in at the weekend to avoid spending time with you both. Sorry, if that sounds harsh but why isn't he up wanting to spend time with his family?

My X Son in Law use to do have an alarm going off for hours every morning. He was a selfish arse hole too.

Does your DP smoke dope or drink?

It's not your DS that is the problem, it's the father.

You need some extra large continence sheets.

No point ruining the mattress when you chuck a much-needed bucket of water over him.

I struggle to wake up, but his alarm clock pattern is taking the absolute piss. I genuinely do not know how you've managed to avoid beating him over the head with his own ultraloud alarm clock. Congratulations on your remarkable degree of self restraint.

Now, find the bucket ready.

nocool there's not call for a bucket of water, shocking, when a spray bottle will do the same job.

So from your Op you say your DC typically sleeps
10pm-3am
5am-7am
ie only 7 hours at night.So why, oh why, are you giving him 2 naps during the day?

Shorten both naps and put up with the day time exhaustion to get you all more nighttime sleep also

For the people who're saying cut down on the naps, did that work with your children? I'm just a bit because the 1000000 baby sleep books that I read all said that they need to be napping enough in the day to sleep well at night, and that 3-4h of nap time is about right for a 9 month old baby, the only limit on that being that the baby shouldn't nap after 3 to ensure an early bedtime. It worked for us.
Although having said all that, it's not going to make much difference to the OP as long as her idiot 'D'P is still waking the baby up every couple of hours...

Yes to not shortening naps. My DS would wake in the middle of the night if he hadn't had enough daytime sleep. A baby that goes to bed at ten then wakes up in the night for ages sounds chronically overtired. Make sure he gets plenty of exercise in the day too.

my dd2 cut her naps totally at 8 months!

are we not all different? why would we all conform exactly to some arbitrary statistic in a baby book?

incidentally, i've read tons of baby books and virtually 90% of them were useless. just so you know where i'm coming from.

Yes, everyone is different, but the "normal" spectrum is broad enough that there is a very wide range of what can be considered normal behaviour. An 8 month old who takes no naps AT ALL is pretty near the end of that spectrum, I'd say, and should not be used as the only guide for what other children might need. Most children sleep during the day until their third year at least.

OP, in your situation I wouldn't touch the naps - two naps a day is normal for a 9 month old so if he's happy in that routine, don't disturb it. Two one-hour naps isn't a lot anyway. Concentrate on the night sleep. Sort out your "D"P - honestly, I'm at the behaviour you describe - and thus eliminate the night time and early morning disturbances. It sounds as if your DS has got (or rather, been pushed) into a night waking habit, and is thus overtired and therefore finding it harder to sleep through.

If it was me I would also night wean him, as a 9 month old should be capable of taking in enough food during the day to see him through the night, but you don't have to if you don't mind feeding him at night. And only do it if he is growing as he should.

One friendly word of caution on the night feeding - you said one reason you do it is that you like the sleepy milky cuddles. Sleepy milky cuddles are of course AMAZING and much to be treasured, but make sure you continue to put your DS's needs first - as much as sleepy Mummy cuddles, he also needs a decent amount of consolidated (ie uninterrupted) sleep. At some point it will be much to his benefit to learn to go all the way through the night by himself.