to 'accidently' wake up DP during every night feed.

[jellybelly701]

Or just whenever I feel like waking him up actually.

Sorry it is so long.
DS is now almost 9 months old and the boy just doesn't sleep. All he wants to do is play and stand up, I can get him to have two, one hour naps a day but he often refuses to go to sleep at night. His bedtime is 7pm but for the past month he still hasn't been asleep my 10pm he will wake up at 3am every morning without fail and sometimes he just won't go back to sleep for two hours. Then he's awake and ready to start the day by 7am.

He is breastfed so I have always been the one to wake in the night and since he has been born I've been getting on average 5-6 hours of sleep a night and never more than 3 hours at a time. DP works FT, he does need a good nights sleep so I just get on with it on my own.

However the sheer lack of consideration from DP is making my blood boil. Weekends are supposed to be my lie in days. DS is eating solids and finger foods now so DP can give him breakfast and entertain him so I can get a few hours sleep. DP hasn't woken up until 11-1 every weekend and I have been up since 7 on my 'lie in' days.

DP always decides at about 11pm that he wants a shower before bed. Ds room is directly next to bathroom and the bath and shower are in the same place as his cot, just on the other side of the wall. The shower wakes him up because it sounds like a bloody jumbo jet and once showered DP gets into bed and goes to sleep, so I am left trying to stay awake feeding DS in a warm, dark and silent room when all I want to do is sleep.

DP wakes ds every single morning, if his two-minutely alarms going off from 5:30-7 (he just sleeps through them all even with a sonic boom alarm clock) doesn't do the trick then the banging around and shouting up the stairs certainly does.

This morning he must have actually woken up to his alarms for once because at 7am both me and ds was still both asleep, until DP couldn't find something for work and somehow thought I would know where it was. I didn't of course so a lot of banging around and him being as loud as possible has woken DS.

I'm getting fed up of it. So, WIBU to wake DP during the night and make sure he gets no more than 6 hours a night and 3 hours at a stretch so he can see how I feel?

Or failing that,

WIBU to kill him?

The issue here is your DP, not your baby.

Yes he gets one nap about 2-3 hours after he wakes up and another after lunch. If he doesn't nap at those times he is seriously grumpy all day and will become over tired and fussy and will refuse sleep.

His bedtime is supposed to be around 7pm. His night time routine consists of his father bathing and dressing him, a quick cuddle on the sofa and a milk feed before bed. Sometimes he will fall straight asleep but more often than not he will just fight it.

I wouldn't mind changing his bedtime to a later time but I need an hour or two in the evening so I can just relax. As much as I love my son, I look forward to an hour with my feet up watching tv in the evening, it gives both me and DP some downtime and its lovely to have some time with just the two of us.

What makes you think you can accidentally wake your DP up in the night when you can't even deliberately wake him up in the day?

Tbh, you need to go ballistic at him. He is worse than useless, if he wasn't there, your nights and mornings would be significantly easier. He's a parent now, he needs to step up and take responsibility, not carry on acting like a teenager. If he can't get out of bed in the morning he needs to see a doc, buy a natural light clock, go to bed earlier, whatever, because snoozing an alarm every two minutes for an hour and a half is not only not working, it's fucking unacceptable.

You say that if you turn the big light on he gets up and switches it off. Well then he's up. Body block him, whip the covers off the bed and tell him to fucking get in the shower and have a cup of coffee like every other adult in the world manages to do.

If you dump his sorry arse, he is going to have to learn to get himself out of bed isn't he.

This isn't sustainable OP.

Oh god. I clicked on the alarm clock ad. Ballistically loud? I would give him Ballistically fucking loud. I would be actually levitating with fury at any one of the behaviours - shower, alarm, weekend no-show - let alone all of them on an ongoing basis.
Poor you OP. He is not displaying an iota of respect for you. You said you've tried to talk like an adult and no joy. Ok. Break the alarm clock for starters. Like pp said trip the switch when he goes near the shower. Get up and go out on weekend mornings and don't come back or answer your phone until it suits you. Stop all washing cooking etc for him. Generally make his life the misery he's been making yours until he cops on to himself. Or else ltb, one or the other.

I dont understand why it is so much more important for him to have a better nights sleep that you? You are up every day with your ds. You need to be able to function at a decent level too. Yes his job is important but he could be making your life so much easier.

He is choosing not to. You have spoken to him and he is ignoring you.

I have a 9 month old baby and she wakens during the night for a bf. Its a hard age for sleep regression/night wakening/separation anxiety and not the best time to sleep train in my opinion. Anyway, that isn't the real issue here. The issue is that your dp is being selfish and not adapting his behaviour to fit in with family life.

Personally I would unplug his alarm clock once he goes to sleep and not waken him. Either that or switch the alarm clock off after it has gone off once. If he can't get up then that's his problem. Is he as childish in work? Does he require his colleagues to carry him along?

I don't see how you can resolve the weekend situation. If he refuses to get up then there isn't a lot you can do. It's incredibly self centred though and would make me wonder why I was bothering with him at all. I don't see why he should have a long lie at all if he is consistently getting a good nights sleep? Why is that even necessary? Unless he offers to get up one night at the weekend and let you have a stretch of sleep.

At the weekend dh tends to get up with my girls once I have done the first feed of the day. He know I am shattered and he cares for me enough to let me sleep a bit longer to try and catch up. It's not a long lie, it's a catch up.

After he goes to sleep reset him alarm clock so it only goes off once. Let him deal with the consequences of being late.

Make sure there's not hot water available for his 11pm shower.

I would say book a week away just you and the baby. You need some sleep before you snap.

I think OP is a bit shocked at the unanimous "what a cunt" response she is getting and is preferring to focus on the issues with baby sleeping.

He really is a wankbadger OP. Up to you if you want to stick your head in the sand though

I don't think I understand the situation properly. Sorry OP. That sounds really tough Xx

I am utterly shit at getting up, but I set three alarms - one goes off ten mins before I'm due to get up then the other two go off together (one is the other side of the room so I have to physically get up for it)
He's taking the piss, I would be raging by now

handbag

I think that he thinks his needs are greater than mine because he works and I do not. He will often use the line ' well I work FT' as an excuse or things. Such as a dirty nappy change " DP can you change ds nappy for me please" "why should I have to do it I have been at work all day"

I appreciate That he works hard to earn his wage and provide for our family, but I also work hard. The housework doesn't do itself, my son doesn't dress/feed/entertain himself. While my partner is sitting in his office typing up paperwork or making phone calls I'm running around the living room trying to stop ds from grabbing and eating everything that's not nailed down as well as hanging out the washing while the pots are soaking in the washing up bowl, cooking ds dinners for the week... the list goes on.

Just because he is getting paid and I am not does not mean his day is any more harder than mine.

Jelly Have you thought about just leaving your DS with him and going out for the day. Just so he gets an idea of how hard it is to be running around after a baby.

Hampton you're right I do bury my head in the sand. I get treated like I'm the hired help and I let him get away with it.

This gets worse. He shouldn't change your baby's bottom because he has been at work a day?! Really?

He should be desperate to spend time with your son and do things for/with him. Maybe my expectations are too high - but the minute dh steps in the door he is handed the baby! And he doesn't moan, he loves his children and wants to spend the time when him. Being at home is far harder than being at work - I have recently gone back to work 3 days and work in a very stressful job. I can honestly say that overall my days are easier at work (I would rather be at home despite this but that's a different issue!)

Op this is about more than sleep. This is so unfair

His attitude stinks. Are you planning to work or be a sahm? Because I would be looking for a full-time job if I were you so he can't use that as his excuse any more.

tali

We live about 200 miles away from the closet family member or friend, there would be nowhere for me to go for the day. I don't drive either.

Right, you need to leave him to it. Set your alarm for 7am saturday, get up and go out. Book a Day Let at a Hotel or stay the day at a friends. Leave him to it for the day.

'why should I do it? I've been at work all day'
perfect answer when he asks you what's for dinner

outrageous behaviour - he should be doing night feeds, one morning every weekend and stop putting the alarm on repeat
fundamentally unacceptable

haverina

He will Change his nappy, but he will protest for a good five minutes until he realises I'm not taking no for an answer. he does love to spend time with ds, when he gets home from work the first thing he does is pick him up for a cuddle. But he definitely prefers for me to do all the hard/dirty work.

I also have a 9 month old and bf. She also wakes a lot in the night. She starts in the cot and co-sleeps after the first feed. I don't usually have the energy to put her back in the cot. Sometimes dh tries but she doesn't settle easily. Anyway, we also have a toddler and his job is any wake ups with her (which is quite rare). However, every morning he gets up and gives them both breakfast while he has his coffee and gets ready for work and on weekends both days he takes them both downstairs while I have an hour or so extra in bed. It's only fair! My sleep in constantly disturbed, as is yours, why the hell should he have a lie-in if he has had a unbroken nights sleep every night for 9 months?! Work is a bloody breeze compared with staying at home. I am going back in a month and I can't wait!

DH couldn't wait to get home from work to see me and our baby.

I hope he isn't expecting you to do all the housework, cooking, shopping and house admin on top of having hardly any sleep.

Julia in his defence he cooks all our evening meals when he gets home from work. He is by far a better cook than me so that's his job. I will cook DS veggies and potatoes etc to freeze during the day but that's about as far as I go where cooking is concerned.

What an inconsiderate twat.

jelly thank god he's not entirely useless
but this is a bad scene and he must get with the programme