to 'accidently' wake up DP during every night feed.

[jellybelly701]

Or just whenever I feel like waking him up actually.

Sorry it is so long.
DS is now almost 9 months old and the boy just doesn't sleep. All he wants to do is play and stand up, I can get him to have two, one hour naps a day but he often refuses to go to sleep at night. His bedtime is 7pm but for the past month he still hasn't been asleep my 10pm he will wake up at 3am every morning without fail and sometimes he just won't go back to sleep for two hours. Then he's awake and ready to start the day by 7am.

He is breastfed so I have always been the one to wake in the night and since he has been born I've been getting on average 5-6 hours of sleep a night and never more than 3 hours at a time. DP works FT, he does need a good nights sleep so I just get on with it on my own.

However the sheer lack of consideration from DP is making my blood boil. Weekends are supposed to be my lie in days. DS is eating solids and finger foods now so DP can give him breakfast and entertain him so I can get a few hours sleep. DP hasn't woken up until 11-1 every weekend and I have been up since 7 on my 'lie in' days.

DP always decides at about 11pm that he wants a shower before bed. Ds room is directly next to bathroom and the bath and shower are in the same place as his cot, just on the other side of the wall. The shower wakes him up because it sounds like a bloody jumbo jet and once showered DP gets into bed and goes to sleep, so I am left trying to stay awake feeding DS in a warm, dark and silent room when all I want to do is sleep.

DP wakes ds every single morning, if his two-minutely alarms going off from 5:30-7 (he just sleeps through them all even with a sonic boom alarm clock) doesn't do the trick then the banging around and shouting up the stairs certainly does.

This morning he must have actually woken up to his alarms for once because at 7am both me and ds was still both asleep, until DP couldn't find something for work and somehow thought I would know where it was. I didn't of course so a lot of banging around and him being as loud as possible has woken DS.

I'm getting fed up of it. So, WIBU to wake DP during the night and make sure he gets no more than 6 hours a night and 3 hours at a stretch so he can see how I feel?

Or failing that,

WIBU to kill him?

Your DH is a twat.

You don't need to night wean or so CC if you don't want to, you need a supportive partner who pulls his fuckinh weight. 1pm lie ins? Stomping around and seemingly deliberately waking up you and DS is vile, horrible behavior. I would have lost my shit fat before this OP, so well done for not setting fire to all his clothes.

What. A. Cunt.

It's those early morning alarms that are tiring him out, not his job. If he's going to bed at past 11pm as well, he's probably sleep deprived, too, although nowhere near as badly as you.

1. No late night shower.

1. The alarm goes off at 7am and not a minute before.

Get those sorted first of all as your priority, no negotiation: it's happening rules.

Then you can follow with

1. Equal lie-ins at the weekend

1. Working on getting your DS to sleep through.

At the moment, the whole family, including your DS, is sleeping badly. Most of that can probably be sorted by points 1 and 2 above.

My suggestion would be to live separately for a few weeks, you and your DS may actually get more sleep if all showers/alarms/banging is absent. Your DP may grow up and get himself up in the morning.

The alarm is so inconsiderate. When I've been on maternity leave DH has leapt out of bed at the first beep of his alarm, taken any awake children downstairs with him and given them breakfast and brought me up a cup of tea later. That's fair exchange for doing all night feeds I think.

I agree about CC too, as a side note- 9 months is a good age to try it. But your DS's poor sleep is a side effect of the problem, not the problem itself.

He is being incredibly inconsiderate. He needs to stop showing so late, get up quietly and do his fair share of mornings. i'd be livid.

Why on earth does he have alrms going off for an hour and a half? Surely this only leads to him turning them off if he knows he doesn't actually need to get up when they start? Surely he'd be better off having one at say 6.50 and a back up at 7 so he can sleep until 6.50 and get up promptly so amount and quality of sleep is better. But don't you accept responsibility for him getting up, he is an adult and needs to do it.

DD was BF so I very much know the feeling of doing it all on little broken sleep and to add to it, I returned to FT+ work at 9 months. We shared weekend lie ins so had one each (DD normally up at 6ish). When it was his morning he would bring DD to be in bed, I'd feed her and then he'd take her away. The one of us with the lie in would get until 9-9.30 on their own so we could then do things together.

Do you have a spare room? If so I'd be telling him to shift his arse to there. I suspect I'd be struggling not to go ballistic on his arse actually but this may not be productive. Is there anyone else who he might listen to more to tell him how knackered you are and how inconsiderate he is being?

ocado

Why on earth does he have alrms going off for an hour and a half? Surely this only leads to him turning them off if he knows he doesn't actually need to get up when they start? Surely he'd be better off having one at say 6.50 and a back up at 7 so he can sleep until 6.50 and get up promptly so amount and quality of sleep is better.

This is exactly what I have been saying to him. He turns them off ( or rather just lets them continue and ignores them) because he knows he doesn't have to get up.

When it's your lie-in day, why not just stay 'asleep' whatever the time is. If your DS needs attention, just stay 'asleep' and your DH will wake up and deal with him, surely. Eventually, it will not be 'asleep'; it will be asleep I hope.

happy because it takes him so long to actually wake up and get up, by that time I'm fully awake and struggle to switch back off again as I know there is things that need to be done

Turn off his alarms (except the last one) after he goes to sleep.or ltb.

He sounds horribly selfish.

Stop waking him up. Let him deal with it.

The fact that he sees him working full time and therefore needing his sleep shows just how he sees you. He doesn't think your role is important at all. He doesn't think you need more sleep, or you might be tired. It's all about him.

He sounds like an inconsiderate twat and if I were you I would either leave or just stop doing anything for him. Make him realise that he has a family to consider and that life does not revolve around him.

This is his alarm clock by the way.. www.amazon.co.uk/Sonic-SBB500SS-Vibrating-Alarm-Clock/dp/B000OOWZUK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1407745389&sr=8-1&keywords=sonic+boom+alarm+clock that one goes off every ten minutes and his phone alarm goes off every two.

agree with others.

no night shower.

alarm goes off 6.50 and not a second before.

you each get a lie in on weekends.

enforce those 3 things and you won't recognise yourself.

tell him that you want to try it for two weeks because you're at the end of your tether. life can't continue like this.

so tonight you:

reset the alarm clocks and make sure only one is set for 6.50.

get him to have a shower early in the evening, say straight after supper. maybe 8pm?

you re-iterate sharing the lie-ins at the weekend. you get saturday, he gets sunday. whatever he does for you on saturday, you do for him on sunday, and STICK TO IT. if he arses around, doesn't get up, makes a lot of noise. point it out and tell him that's what he can expect tomorrow. be absolutely clear, you will take no shit.

you have to stick to your guns. give yourself 2 weeks of trying really hard to sort this, and then re-evaluate.

I'm slightly loathe so suggest this as the problem is clearly him but if he is genuinely struggling to wake up you could consider something like this
www.amazon.co.uk/Lumie-Bodyclock-STARTER-Wake-Up-Features/dp/B002TEXEAI/ref=sr_1_sc_1?s=kitchen&ie=UTF8&qid=1407745761&sr=1-1-spell&keywords=liught+clock

I have one and I do find it wakes me up more gently than an alarm going off in the dark as my body gets used to the idea it is morning so getting up is certainly easier.

If he is struggling to get up in the mornings then he neds to go to bed earlier. If he wakes ds by having a sjower then let him eeal with it.

I would make him sleep on the sofa because your sleep is just as important as his. And he needs to go to bed earlier.

i would also recommend a natural light alarm clock. it grafually lightens the room so your body thinks the sun has come up and gets itself ready to wake up. Cant tell yiu how it has changed my mornings. it is so much eadier to get out of bed. I dont understand why he needs such a long lie in on both days. I would say that he needs to get his thyroid and diet checked. Oh and he needs to go to bed esrlier.

Re baby:
We did cc with ds and it worked. it rarely took longer than 20 minutes to get him to go down. It might be worth a shot. I know you said you were bf but would you consider giving ds a bottle before bed? It was the first feed we dropped and ds would go for longer before he woke again.

Fuck me.

If that alarm clock went off every 2 min in our house it would have been out the cunting window by the third time he hit snooze. As would the phone. Followed by him.

Showering at 11? I'd have pulled the trip switch.

You need to get angry OP. he thinks you don't count.

DP sounds like selfish dickhead to me.

It sounds like you have told him how inconsiderate he is being and how his behaviour affects you but he doesn't give a shit.

I think you have to explore the nuclear options here OP or carry on living with someone who has no regard or respect for you or his child.

My ds went through I similar sleep regression at that age. I spent about 3 nights sleep training him. It was brutal but he needed his sleep and i needed mine. He has been sleeping 12 hours a night ever since.

Tell your husband he can't shower at that time. End of. How inconsiderate. Thats the bit of the story that really boils my piss.

Don't wake him up in the night just have a word with him about how he's making you feel. And make him help you sort out the sleep problem. It would be more effective tackled as a united front. Your ds isn't just your responsibility.

I would struggle to respect, like or cuddle this man op.

The alarm business and late night showering is mad. The sleeping in until 2pm at weekends is just gob smacking.

Did you want to look after 2 children? Because he's treating you like his mummy.

Twatty twat.

And do that cc/sleep training.

He sounds horrible, this really would be something that would be make or break for me. Sleep is so so important it's one of our basic needs yet he feels yours should be neglected.

My DD didn't need as much sleep as other babies.

My focus had to be on getting her to sleep at night times. I cut out the daytime naps and kept her up later in the evening. This was good because it meant that DH got more time with her in the evening and there were no early mornings. She slept through till 4.30am when she'd need a feed then sleep till 8.30am which gave me the chance to have a relaxed start and get myself ready and then do some bits before she surfaced. As she grew, I taught her 8.30am on the clock and she had to maintain that time threshold.

I remember friends complaining that their kids were up at sparrows fart in the morning and telling me how lucky I was that DD slept in. What didn't click was that they were putting the kids down early so it wasn't any wonder the kids were up early.

For me, I went by the hours sleep my DD needed and then adjusted the routine so that it fitted in with when I wanted her to sleep. The only constant I kept was in getting her up at 8.30am, if she was tired, she went to bed earlier. If she wasn't tired, I'd adjust the bedtime by 15 mins in the evening as she grew and needed less sleep.

In my friendship circle, it just seemed to be that I was more proactive in managing an individual routine to suit hours sleep needed by my baby but to be taken when I needed the quiet time.

Of course, many kids simply don't need to sleep as much or there are underlying issues for troublesome sleep, and the parents have tried everything possible and still not have children that sleep well. My heart goes out to all those people and I salute you for coping.

Looking at your routine, you say he's getting 2 x 1hr naps in the day then he falls asleep at 10pm and is up at 7am. That's nearly 11hrs sleep a day.

Night time sleep is more important to you so why have 2 x 1hr day time naps?

What is cc?

Ds outright refuses a bottle. He doesn't really want many milk feeds during the day which is why I feed on demand during the night.

I don't think your baby's routine is the issue here.

I would simply turn off/unplug all the alarms when he's asleep then the next morning, go in, switch the light on and tell him the time - once - about half an hour before he needs to leave, so he just has enough time to get up, ready and out the door.
Then have a talk about it when he gets home. All those alarms are rediculous. If he insists on having them, that's fine, but he needs to sleep elsewhere.
He also needs to get his stuff together the night before so no banging around in the mornings.
Also, change of routine for him. He gets in from work, has a shower and gets changed. As soon as he gets in.

How old is this man? Because my DH uses to sleep until the middle of the day when we were 18/19 but stopped when by the time he hit 20. That's just bloody lazy. When do you get family time?

From what you've said OP, he sounds very selfish and childish. I still can't work out the logic of 'you get up before me all week but I'm tired for work so am entitled to 2 lie ins at the weekends and you don't deserve one.'
What happens when you talk about these things?

CC = controlled crying. Which personally I wouldn't have felt comfortable doing at that age but I appreciate others do use it successfully.

But quite frankly I wouldn't be doing anything big to improve baby sleep right now when huge improvements in OP's sleep could be achieved by her partner not being such a cock womble. If/when that improves then I'd look at it.