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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister getting married about a month after baby due

170 replies

NanooCov · 10/08/2014 23:40

I think I'm probably being unreasonable but given it's my first baby am not sure if I'm being very precious or just a wee bit.

My only sister met a chap in February of this year. Haven't met him yet. We live SE England and she lives NE Scotland - have seen her at a family wedding abroad since they met but he wasn't there (was all arranged before they met). Have invited them down but they haven't yet taken up the offer. By all accounts they are madly in love. He moved in within weeks and they are now engaged to be married. Mum and Dad had reservations given the speed of it all and the fact he kind of just appeared (no surviving family, no friends to speak of, from South Africa and only moved to UK just before he and my sister met - though he has a UK passport as his parents were British) but are generally supportive.

They have set the date for their wedding for 7th February 2015 - nothing booked yet but it's the one year anniversary of them meeting which they think would be romantic. Wedding will be in NE Scotland somewhere.
I'm due my first DC on 22nd December. Clearly no idea if he will be on time, early or late but if law could potentially be just a month old on date of wedding.
I'm perturbed at the idea of a 500+ mile drive with a one month old to scotland when I'll be still oozing bodily fluids from every orifice, trying my best to BF and generally adjust to trying to keep a small person alive.
Am I worrying over nothing? I kind of want to prepare my sister for the fact that, as much as we'd like to attend, it might not work out for us. If I'm feeling fine and baby is thriving then marvellous, but it's the uncertainty that worries me. I don't want to suggest they push back the wedding (although nothing is booked yet) and to be honest I don't know what would be a more comforting gap between birth and wedding. Maybe I'm overthinking?

OP posts:
Rainicorn · 10/08/2014 23:48

You're overthinking things a bit. You don't know what you're going to be like once your child is here (congrats btw) and you may cope better than you think.

Just tell your sister that although you plan on coming it all depends in how you're feeling/coping so will give her a definite answer once the baby is here.

rockybalboa · 10/08/2014 23:52

You are overthinking it. It will be fine. Small babies are eminently portable.

cookiefiend · 10/08/2014 23:56

I disagree- yes you may feel like travelling but I doubt it. You will still be in a lovely new baby haze. If the wedding was near home then grreat, but I cannot imagine having to drive that far whilst trying to establish breastfeeding. By all means aim to go, but be prepared that you may not want to, babies are very portable but that will be very early days.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 11/08/2014 00:00

I think you are overthinking it but I did a Scotland holiday over Valentines with a baby born 19th December (and did the seven hour drive by myself!) and it was no bother at all! they are so so portable!

The only emergency plan B I had in place was to be driven by a friend if I had had an emcs and wasnt permitted to drive so soon after (dh doesnt drive so he was on baby duty in the back).

I honestly dont see the problem.

However, if you decide not to do it then that is fine. Its an invite, not a summons.

HauntedNoddyCar · 11/08/2014 00:03

My db got married 3 weeks after dd arrived. We made it and I did ok.

But it was 60 miles away so traveling not so bad.

You need to have a conversation with her that says Fabulous and we want to come but you have to understand that there is a chance we won't make it.

HauntedNoddyCar · 11/08/2014 00:05

Could you fly?

watchingthedetectives · 11/08/2014 00:05

I went to my sisters wedding (involved a flight rather than a drive though) when my youngest was 4 weeks. Was all fine - v portable and bf

Main problem was squeezing myself into a reasonable outfit

BiscuitMillionaire · 11/08/2014 00:06

Well it won't exactly be easy with a very new newborn, but why don't you fly to Scotland? Then hire a car.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 11/08/2014 00:09

Another one suggesting flights - of you drive, don't forget a newborn can spend limited time in a car seat so schedule plenty of stops.

If no venue booked, would they consider somewhere nearer you or are many other guests near them?

BackforGood · 11/08/2014 00:09

YANBU and nor are you worrying over nothing. Theres no way in a million years id have been able to travel that distance 5 weeks after dc1 arrived.
I know there are peop,e on here who say they would have and im delighted for them, but I think you just need to say to your sister that in all likelihood you wont be able to make it (even without allowing for snow) if she has it then, adding that its fine - her decision and all, but just so you dont get moaned at if you feel you cant travel when the time comes.

Fizzyplonk · 11/08/2014 00:14

Dc1 bDC2 yes

Original poster
NanooCov · 11/08/2014 00:15

Thanks all for the replies. I think I'm just going to have the conversation that while we are delighted and will aim to attend, depending on how baby and I are post birth it may not be possible.

Re flying, it's a possibility but TBH I think we'd rather drive - longer journey but in a way less hassle if we take into account travel to airport, parking, flight itself (with god knows what paraphernalia) getting picked up or hiring car at other end then further road journey.

Finding an outfit will be no end of joy I'm sure. Scotland in February with post pregnancy body - will need to rock a woolly tent or something.

OP posts:
Fizzyplonk · 11/08/2014 00:16

Phone playing up, DC1 no way. I was still very sore and shell shocked
DC2 yes but would rather not. Most stressful bit would be worrying about carseat.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 11/08/2014 00:18

Snow, a good point.

Original poster
NanooCov · 11/08/2014 00:20

To be honest I'm not sure yet whether it'll be a handful of guests or loads - haven't yet talked about the details apart from possible dresses (priorities - Grin). But I wouldn't want to suggest moving it closer to me - I had a real battle with my Mum about venue when I got married and wouldn't want to put her through that.

OP posts:
HauntedNoddyCar · 11/08/2014 00:21

I bought a lovely Phase8 dress at 2 weeks postpartum. I wore it a few weeks ago. Dd is 8 :)

Original poster
NanooCov · 11/08/2014 00:26

Also very selfishly it isn't how I'd imagined spending my time shortly after he baby's arrival. My parents will travel down to visit us when the baby arrives (though not immediately after) and had thought my sister and her fiancé might too. Plus my in laws will want to visit - they're not local either. And DH has two brothers who will want to visit too. And we have lots of friends who will want to come round (several of whom are due around the same time).
I had envisioned not having to wear makeup for some time, venturing from home only to go on gentle strolls with baby in gorgeous fluffy warm clothes, eating left over quality street and mince pies galore and not taking my Christmas decorations down until March! Am a bit saddened that I'll have to instead function like a normal person so soon!

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 11/08/2014 00:28

For one weekend.

Clobbered · 11/08/2014 00:34

I think all you can do is tell your sister that you'd love to be there, but you can't guarantee that you will be, given the circumstances.

For what it's worth, I travelled a lesser distance when eldest was 5 days old to BIL's wedding. It was hardcore but we managed it. Probably wouldn't bother nowadays as I'm better at saying no.
Anything could happen between now and then!

WooWooOwl · 11/08/2014 00:42

Considering that you could be go overdue, you should probably tell your sister that you might not make it to her wedding.

I'm all for taking babies wherever you want to take them, especially when they are still easily portable, but I wouldn't have fancied having to worry about that trip so soon after giving birth.

syllabub1 · 11/08/2014 00:52

My dad got married when DD was only 5 weeks old, it was ok (but not ideal) however, it was only 10 mins down the road from us.
The biggest problem I had with it was that the week or 2 before the wedding I was stressing trying to find an outfit as I couldn't shop for one with a big bump and I had put loads of weight on whilst pregnant so I had nothing to wear.

New babies do sleep most of the time so it's likely that the wedding day would be quite easy, and possibly the drive if you plan the journey around when baby will sleep and want feeding etc. plan lots of stops, maybe make a bit of a break out of it (if you can afford to).

I travelled about a 300 mile journey with DS when he was 6 weeks old and tbh that was quite easy in comparison to when they are older and want entertaining and demand snacks and drinks etc throughout the whole trip.

So I would say it isn't ideal to have to trek across the country with a new baby but if you make it a leisurely journey it could be quite enjoyable, definitely more enjoyable than with a one year old!

Chiana · 11/08/2014 00:59

I would warn your sister pronto that there's a possibility you might not be able to make it. Before she puts down a deposit on a venue or something. Congrats on the impending baby, BTW.

Original poster
NanooCov · 11/08/2014 01:04

Yep I'll give her a call tomorrow. Will need to tread carefully as don't want her to feel I'm being a baby obsessed pain in the bum and I am genuinely happy for her. Best to have the talk before she books anything though, in case she's happy to push back a bit.

OP posts:
MsAspreyDiamonds · 11/08/2014 04:37

See how you feel and once you get more information about the wedding you will be able to make a more informed choice.

I would casually mention snow disruption and the need to get wedding insurance in the hope that they get scared into booking a spring wedding instead! Tbh it sounds like nothing is firmly booked and its all in the planning stage, they might not be able to get the date that they want. No point in fretting until you have more information.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/08/2014 06:22

You sound considerate OP and I don't think your worries are unreasonable. I think it's better to prepare her that you're not coming at this stage, rather than say you hope to and letting her down later.

Might you be better off on the train? At least you'd be able to feed the baby, lie it down in a carrycot, move around yourself etc (No children myself yet so others can advise better than me).