Sister getting married about a month after baby due

[NanooCov]

I think I'm probably being unreasonable but given it's my first baby am not sure if I'm being very precious or just a wee bit.

My only sister met a chap in February of this year. Haven't met him yet. We live SE England and she lives NE Scotland - have seen her at a family wedding abroad since they met but he wasn't there (was all arranged before they met). Have invited them down but they haven't yet taken up the offer. By all accounts they are madly in love. He moved in within weeks and they are now engaged to be married. Mum and Dad had reservations given the speed of it all and the fact he kind of just appeared (no surviving family, no friends to speak of, from South Africa and only moved to UK just before he and my sister met - though he has a UK passport as his parents were British) but are generally supportive.

They have set the date for their wedding for 7th February 2015 - nothing booked yet but it's the one year anniversary of them meeting which they think would be romantic. Wedding will be in NE Scotland somewhere.
I'm due my first DC on 22nd December. Clearly no idea if he will be on time, early or late but if law could potentially be just a month old on date of wedding.
I'm perturbed at the idea of a 500+ mile drive with a one month old to scotland when I'll be still oozing bodily fluids from every orifice, trying my best to BF and generally adjust to trying to keep a small person alive.
Am I worrying over nothing? I kind of want to prepare my sister for the fact that, as much as we'd like to attend, it might not work out for us. If I'm feeling fine and baby is thriving then marvellous, but it's the uncertainty that worries me. I don't want to suggest they push back the wedding (although nothing is booked yet) and to be honest I don't know what would be a more comforting gap between birth and wedding. Maybe I'm overthinking?

Sister made it to my wedding with 3 day dn. didn't expect her but site wanted to. Do what you feel you can cope with after baby is born. X

I would much prefer to do it with a month old than my 2 year old. My husband had some business in Jersey when our ds was 3 weeks so we all went. We still talk about what a great time it was as baby was so portable. Flight was easy and we took him out to some amazing restaurants and even out for drinks in the evening. He just snuggled down in the crook of my arm and slept. I had finished bleeding by then so it was a nice romantic break for dh and I too. I say go for it but I would fly as that would be so much easier.

It's totally doable, but may I suggest at least 2 outfits. Dd projectile vomited over me about half an hour before we were due to leave for her first wedding at 4 weeks old. Luckily there was a George at asda nearby. I was prepared for the second wedding at three months old when she did the same just after the wedding breakfast.

If your dsis will change things that's great, but if not, go enjoy yourself & show off your pfb.

I really dont see why you wouldnt but its up to you. At that age you can do whatever with them and it doesnt phase them.

Not sure if anyone has said, but aren't very young babies not supposed to be in a car seat for more than 2 hours a day? So driving down might not work out.
I think its totally reasonable to let DSis know you might not make it - no way I would have managed 1-2 months after DS was born... but others seem able to pop baby in a backpack and go travelling within hours of the birth so could go either way!
Also totally valid to just not want to do that - newborn phase is definitely a time to put yourself and baby first and not feel obliged to attend social functions.

A one offing car journey with a new born is fine. The 2 hour suggestion is just to prevent people literally using the seat for hours in end in the house/car.

Op you will hVe to suck it and see how you feel.

We took dc 3 to Cyprus at 5 weeks. She was the least trouble if all. Newborns are terrific travellers. Especially if you bf.

It depends on your birth too. You could feel like you have been run over by a ten tonne truck or could fly to the moon.

I would really have struggled with this. I barely managed to leave the house to get DS's birth registered, and it was about 2 months before I was able to properly leave the house and socialise with people. I think preparing her for the worst is the best plan, so she has the option now to change it if she wants to and it doesn't come as a surprise once everything is booked. There's a chance you'll feel fine and be able to make it, but you won't possibly know until after the birth.

I'm sure it will be fine! I mean you won't know for sure until your baby is here, but I'd find it quite unusual for you not to be able to come a month post birth.

I'd have wanted to go and show off my gorgeous new baby and they really just sleep and feed at that age, best time to go IMO!

How far is it hours wise? You'll have to factor in quite a few stops on the way.

Fly up a few days early to allow for snow contingency - I'm ne scotland too and snow is a distinct possibility for a February wedding! Babies are very portable when they are small, but don't feel pressured to go anywhere if you don't feel up to it

I think you are over thinking it. I went to my brothers wedding (also in Scotland and I live a long long way from there!) with a three week old baby. It was fine. But I did say I would hope to be there but it would obviously depend on how I was feeling.

It was no bother.

I agree with others saying you need to warn your sister you may not be able to make it. Whilst I agree that babies are very portable at this age and don't really mind where they are as long as they are fed, its you I would have doubts about. I know I was in no fit state to have travelled that far when my son was that age and looking at my SIL who has a 5 wk old, there is no way she could do it. Trying to establish breastfeeding and getting over the shock to your system and the chronic tiredness can be "tiring" to say the least. You may be absolutely fine and full of beans - but IME its unlikely.

It possible you may not be up to it. Ds1 was Emcs, and at 6 weeks we went away for the weekend, and the two hour journey was aboutvmy limit. My abdomen was getting rather tired and achey. Ds2 was a 3rd degree tear, and at 4 weeks I was beginning to leave the house, and just about able to sit without a special cushion. Toileting without the aid of the shower was just becoming feasible. Two very different births, but both reasons to send apologies.

Flying would be easier than pulling over every 2-3 hours to service baby.

Hope all goes well and you feel able to attend.

I flew to NI for a wedding when DD was just over 3 weeks old. I would definitely recommend it over driving, it meant I was available to her at all times rather than being stuck with ascreaming baby I couldn't comfort on a motorway somewhere. Packing isn't too bad either, you can put your car seat and buggy on board in the hold, and all you need on board is a few nappies, change of outfit, and either boobs or a few bottles.

Britax do a lie flat car seat/ cot in which a baby can lie comfortably on long journeys - without being woken every 2 hours, and Which think it is good for safety. We used it for dd and really liked it.

Thanks all for your posts. I'll have the chat today and see what she thinks/says. My ideal would obviously be that I feel marvellous after the birth, baby is well and all is fantastic. But as some have said, there's a possibility that won't be the case and I want to prepare her for this.

As for flying, train or drive - my instinct is still that driving would be preferable but we'll decide nearer the time. It's a 10 hour drive with no stops at all (and assuming no traffic and my OH tanking it like be normally does) so we'd probably break it up into 2 days travelling on this occasion to allow for stops, etc.

Hi, im due in September and planning a trip home to ne Scotland for xmas. We have decided flying or sleeper is best bet, the sleeper is really great, have you considered that as an option?

I'd drive to York on the first day and then on to Scotland for the second. I think it's very likely you'll be fine to come.
A cousin of my friend was at her wedding with a very newborn and in WHITE trousers (brave woman). It was her third though so I guess she knew what she was doing.

train would be the best option I think. No check in hassles, you can get up and move around easily, lay baby on seat for a snooze or even in the pram in the vestibule between the long stops. You wont need loads of stuff, even if you are using bottles you can get little plastic bags that you use with a m/w to sterilize. newborn nappies are pretty small. If you wear a sling, that leaves your hands free for bits and bobs though I assume your DH is accompanying you so he can be the pack horse!

As for an outfit, a maxi dress with cardy accessorized up will be fine (though I second the suggestion for a back up in case of vomit issues). Weddings generally are a lot more laid back now and no-one is going to be if you aren't in a bodycon dress with killer heels

Re flying, babies under 4 weeks I don't think are allowed to fly so if you are overdue you'd have to work out the dates carefully.

I agree its worth flagging up to your sister there's a chance you won't make it and if she decides to go ahead on that date, she can't really complain if itd does turn out that for whatever reason you can't manage. P
As to the whole "quick engagement" thing, don't think you can make much of that. Friends of mine got engaged after 10 weeks. 15 years and 3 kids later, they're still v happy .

You're being very precious. My DH's sister got married 2 weeks after I gave birth. It never crossed my mind that this was selfish, or had any negative impact for me. It took 2 flights, train journey and long car journey.

I think pg women (including myself) get very self-centred, quite rightly so as you're growing a new person and have to protect it but sometimes you need a gentle reminder that life goes on and you having a baby is actually small potatoes in other peoples's lives.

Woman up, I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself!

We drove from North Germany to Norfolk when my youngest was 6 weeks old. It ended up being a 20 hour journey and it was a killer but only because I am a grouchy mare when I am tired!

It was our last chance to see family before we were moving to another more inaccessible country though so felt like we had no choice.

I did feel ok for the journey but I had a straight forward birth and dd had to be bottle fed as I couldn't produce enough milk so my 12 year old could sit in the back and feed her if necessary.

We did a usually 5 hour drive to wales when my LO was 4 weeks. We broke it into 2 hrs driving 1 hr break, as I didn't want her napping too much on the way and not sleeping at night.

I really recommend leaving at like 4am so you can get a couple of 'night' hours under your belt before you have to worry about naps.

Also, it might be fine, but bear in mind your LO might not be feeding at regular intervals by then. We were lucky and our dd had just the previous week started feeding every 3 hrs but your LO might want food every hour or 2, and if you want to try and ebf, you might not want to be offering bottles in the car etc. a feed was taking me 40 mins at that stage too.

It can be quite good travelling with a baby at this age, still quite short awake times, but otoh I know babies that are still screaming blue murder whenever they get close to a carseat. If your LO is refluxy, you may find it too challenging.

Ooh sleeper train sounds awesome! No worries about time in car seat, can sleep whenever you like, constant access to the loo etc. do that!!

Depends a lot on the baby. My dd was a great little feeder and sleeper and very portable. Ds1 had feeding problems, screamed 8 hours a day with reflux and couldn't bear the car seat, it would have been hell on earth. I'd tell her you'd love to come barring dramatic baby or post birth issues, then make sure none of the bookings are totally non refundable.