Sister getting married about a month after baby due

[NanooCov]

I think I'm probably being unreasonable but given it's my first baby am not sure if I'm being very precious or just a wee bit.

My only sister met a chap in February of this year. Haven't met him yet. We live SE England and she lives NE Scotland - have seen her at a family wedding abroad since they met but he wasn't there (was all arranged before they met). Have invited them down but they haven't yet taken up the offer. By all accounts they are madly in love. He moved in within weeks and they are now engaged to be married. Mum and Dad had reservations given the speed of it all and the fact he kind of just appeared (no surviving family, no friends to speak of, from South Africa and only moved to UK just before he and my sister met - though he has a UK passport as his parents were British) but are generally supportive.

They have set the date for their wedding for 7th February 2015 - nothing booked yet but it's the one year anniversary of them meeting which they think would be romantic. Wedding will be in NE Scotland somewhere.
I'm due my first DC on 22nd December. Clearly no idea if he will be on time, early or late but if law could potentially be just a month old on date of wedding.
I'm perturbed at the idea of a 500+ mile drive with a one month old to scotland when I'll be still oozing bodily fluids from every orifice, trying my best to BF and generally adjust to trying to keep a small person alive.
Am I worrying over nothing? I kind of want to prepare my sister for the fact that, as much as we'd like to attend, it might not work out for us. If I'm feeling fine and baby is thriving then marvellous, but it's the uncertainty that worries me. I don't want to suggest they push back the wedding (although nothing is booked yet) and to be honest I don't know what would be a more comforting gap between birth and wedding. Maybe I'm overthinking?

I don't think you're being precious at all, I would have struggled to do this with either of mine as I had difficult births and a great deal of difficulty with BF in the first few weeks, just let your sister know that you intend to come but there is a chance you won't make it.

Depends on the baby - one of mine cried hysterically and threw up (and rarely slept, just got hysterically over tired) up every time she was put in a car seat from newborn to about a year. You would not want to do a long drive like that, apart from anything else it's very hard to concentrate on the road.

If I was doing it I would definitely go for a non car option, plus stretchy wrap to keep baby warm, contained and happy and your hands free.

I would also mention you would hopefully be able to come but it may mean you can't ..The ball is then in her court.

I would be wary of getting her to push her wedding back, because you may find a newborn is far easier to take to a wedding than a six month old (my newborns both just slept all the time, by 6 months they were far less portable).
I think she should have her wedding whenever and wherever she wants, but as others have said, you should warn her now there's a possibility you won't make it. Hopefully you will.

If you go, definitely fly, london-Edinburgh or similar and then rent a car for a couple of days.

But I really would say to emphasise now how much you'd LOVE to be there - it costs nothing to say, and if you do have to cancel at least she won't feel that you did at least want to share her day. Right now both of you are probably being overly precious (we all are, really, with first babies and first marriages ) and the last thing you want is to start a family feud.

Yanbu. I wouldn't go. Im only just getting to the point where im finding it easier to get anywhere without spending hours having to get myself and baby sorted anf feeling like im getting a decent nights sleep and my dd is 5 months(!) Yes babies are portable but 500 miles is a very very long trip for a tiny baby.

YANBU. I also wasn't reliably continent (both) within a month. Big tear, lots of stitches, wouldn't have wanted to be stuck in a car. Also, you may well both be too sleep deprived to drive safely.

Sleeper might be easier. Not yet flown with DD, so can't advise on that.

We did just do a seven hour trip with her - she's 6 mo - and it was fine. I'd have dreaded it five months earlier.

If your DSis wants you there (and hasn't yet booked a venue/church/reg office) maybe suggest that you could reliably be there when your baby is slightly older?

The poster who had a go at you for being 'selfish' is being highly U, or perhaps had an easy birth/had hers years ago, IMHO.

The first time we did a properly long journey with DS (Hampshire to Glasgow) he was about 5 months old and screamed the entire way, despite having always travelled very happily in the car seat up to that point. It was grim. I ended up flying back and DH took the car (thanks Avios!).

Many babies are very portable, many mothers do take everything in their stride and get on with their lives, others have more difficulties (I had internal infections and mastitis following birth and was an insecure, hormonal, weeping wreck for a few weeks, plus extreme difficulty with BF). I would love to have been one of those who found it all so easy but it didn't work out that way. I don't think there's any harm in telling your sister there is a possibility you won't make it.

Just wait and see. But if you are up to it, it will help to change your frame of mind. I had a family wedding at 6 weeks post partum and had had an emcs after an awful labour. I was convinced the wedding (300 miles away) would be awful, the journey impossible and I'd look awful and feel stressed. Actually, dd was portable, she was involved in a special day and loves knowing that now, she met her family and was admired by all. I sat in a comfy chair and bf while people brought me food and told me I was doing well. I left a little early and stayed in a beautiful hotel, somebody else cooked our breakfast and really I had every reason to do things at a pace which suited us. Looking back, it was a lovely time. I'm so glad we went.

Wait and see but don't assume the worst. You have all sorts of transport and accommodation options and if you do go, there's no reason it can't be lovely.

I would plan to fly; short flight and less stress. Plan to go for several days so you are settled into hotel or wherever you will stay for a day or so before wedding. Obviously sis will have to understand that circumstances might prevent you from attending. From your long preamble I sense that you do not approve, but I doubt if they are making their plans with the aim of making life difficult for you.

YANBU - very much depends on birth and baby - with one of mine I could have done it very happily; one definitely definitely not; one I could have done it as long as we didn't drive:

• DD: ten days late, in special care ten days due to birth complications followed by very bad jaundice. No room

For me in special care so I was on a ward 4 floors away, but having to nose/tube feed her every hour and a half with expressed milk. It was exhausting and very very stressful, and breast-feeding took a whole to establish after such a difficult start, and I got mastitis. No way could I have gone to a wedding that far away so soon after

• DS1: two weeks late, easy birth, very quick feeder only every 2.5-3 hours. Happily did a very long drive with him at 5 weeks old to go on a holiday, and had a lovely time

• DS2: two weeks late, easy birth, but he took absolblaadylutely aaages for each feed and fed every hour and a half, it felt like he was permanently attached to the breast. I had to feed him in a sling so that he could still be feeding while I ran after DS1. Yes I could have gone, but not by car, because of the feeding.

DC2, easy peasy. DC1 NO BLOODY WAY.

Just prep them for the fact you might not be able to attend. If you can, great, but there is NO SHAME in finding it too much.

YABU

I'd very likely NOT go but that's no reason for her to pick another date to suit you.

A question to the people suggesting flying: does the baby not need a passport for internal flights? I've only flown internationally so don't have that experience but if you do need a passport then four weeks might be cutting it a bit fine getting the passport for the baby.

i think you are right to manage their expectation that there's a good chance you won't be there. Not that you probably will, but you probably won't but will try to go. Then if you do go, it'll be a bonus, if you do'nt, you won't b letting them down at the last minute.

You could be late, you could have had some intervention that means sitting for long periods isn't comfortable (I've had a C section, no way could I do that journey less than 4 weeks after having had it, if you were say, 2 weeks post-section i wouldn't try it). It'll be a very long journey, with you having to stop every 2 hours (babies can only be in car seats for max 2 hours at a time). On the other hand, that early is probably the easiest to do such a long journey babywise, they sleep most of the day at that age, rather than 6 months later when it'll be a nightmare!

As for what to wear, seraphine have some lovely nursing dresses like this one

Mind you, they've only been together since February? I wouldn't assume there will be a wedding next Feb, they might well start planning it and suddenly realise it's a lot of work, and perhaps another few months might be handy...

DB got married when DD was 4 weeks old. TBH DD was fussed over so much by relatives and friends who were seeing her for the first time it was quite relaxing.

However it is your baby and only you will know how you feel when it comes to it. Wait and see.

I couldn't have with DS1. he spent the first two months of his life screaming and not sleeping. We were wrecks and only managed to get to the local shop. DS2 is a week old and the complete opposite so we could have done a longer trip with him.

And YY to absolutely no bridesmaidly duties!

Indigo's plan/Showy's eg is good for making the best of it.

You are not being precious at all. I would just say you hope to make it but can't guarantee it.

Its great if birth is fab and baby fine but that is not always the case.

Good point about frequency of feeds.

Btw, I took a six month old to a wedding and he was great!

Sleeper train would be the best I thi k. No airport stress, can move around, and tiny babies don't need that much stuff so won't have to carry loads of bags. I'd just play it by ear, we all get a but PFB about the odd thing, it's allowed.

Hmm, I think I'd worry about getting enough stuff onto a train - car seat, steriliser if not bf, Moses basket possibly, nappies etc etc

I took DC1 to a wedding at 2 weeks old at the other end of the country. It was fine. It wasn't how weddings used to be (lots of drinking and dancing!) but was still great. Just give yourselves lots of time for the journey and stay for a few nights to get settled.

I was also bridesmaid to by sister when DC2 was 6 weeks old. Wedding was more local but I had a lot of bridesmaid duties! I wasn't looking at my best but had no problem with a bridesmaid dress.

Just make sure you choose an outfit you can feed in.