Sister getting married about a month after baby due

[NanooCov]

I think I'm probably being unreasonable but given it's my first baby am not sure if I'm being very precious or just a wee bit.

My only sister met a chap in February of this year. Haven't met him yet. We live SE England and she lives NE Scotland - have seen her at a family wedding abroad since they met but he wasn't there (was all arranged before they met). Have invited them down but they haven't yet taken up the offer. By all accounts they are madly in love. He moved in within weeks and they are now engaged to be married. Mum and Dad had reservations given the speed of it all and the fact he kind of just appeared (no surviving family, no friends to speak of, from South Africa and only moved to UK just before he and my sister met - though he has a UK passport as his parents were British) but are generally supportive.

They have set the date for their wedding for 7th February 2015 - nothing booked yet but it's the one year anniversary of them meeting which they think would be romantic. Wedding will be in NE Scotland somewhere.
I'm due my first DC on 22nd December. Clearly no idea if he will be on time, early or late but if law could potentially be just a month old on date of wedding.
I'm perturbed at the idea of a 500+ mile drive with a one month old to scotland when I'll be still oozing bodily fluids from every orifice, trying my best to BF and generally adjust to trying to keep a small person alive.
Am I worrying over nothing? I kind of want to prepare my sister for the fact that, as much as we'd like to attend, it might not work out for us. If I'm feeling fine and baby is thriving then marvellous, but it's the uncertainty that worries me. I don't want to suggest they push back the wedding (although nothing is booked yet) and to be honest I don't know what would be a more comforting gap between birth and wedding. Maybe I'm overthinking?

Getting a florist to do a wedding on Valentines Day/weekend is usually pretty tough. Plus the price of flowers often rockets.

It's expensive to go anywhere as a couple on Valentine's day/weekend [depending on when it falls]. Plus it is usually half term in the UK so flights and hotels are more expensive/booked up earlier too.

Just to clarify, it's not valentines weekend but the weekend before - Saturday 7th February.

Will update this evening when I've spoken to my sister.

I had a C section, I wouldn't have been able to travel anywhere far 4 weeks after birth.

If you do fly, make sure you're on the lookout for dvt. You're at higher risk of having them when pregnant or in the few weeks after birth, plus flying increases the risk too.

Having said that - so does sitting still for long periods so a long drive could also increase your risk.

It would definitely be worth talking to your gp about if there is anything you can do to lessen the risk however you end up doing the journey!

My sister got married 6 weeks after I had dc3 (she actually brought her wedding forward a bit, yes there's still a little bit of wtf there, can you tell? )

I'll be honest, I was exhausted. The wedding was very small, a civil ceremony and nearish home, but the whole dressing up, getting hair done, talking to people I don't really know, was relentless, but I can be a grump at the best of times.

I'm usually the first to say - oh you'll be fine, it's just a baby, stick it on your arm and away you go, but I was really surprised at how difficult I found and I had family there to help, had a hotel room booked at the venue, wasn't breast feeding and had done it all before.

I wouldn't have made it. I had a straight forward but long labour with DS, but suffered with PND and found even the slightest decision/action really tough, I really was in a complete mental "fog" for months, not weeks. I wouldn't have been able to cope with the planning etc. just my experience, not a great one, but just to let you know that even if you and baby are physically capable, you just might not be mentally strong enough, or want to go that far at that stage.

And huge raspberries to the poster who said "it's only a big deal if you make it to be" or some other such utter tosh. Well done you, if you were great post birth, you were just lucky. That's all, luck. Some of us weren't at the front if the postnatal queue when the happy hormones were given out. It wasn't how I expected or wanted my first few months with my lovely son to be, BUT there was nothing I could do about it!!! (I did get meds eventually once I realised I wasn't functioning bit it took a while).

And yes, snow disruption is a very strong possibility in Feb. (Also a NE quine here!)

It's more about how much you want to go tbh. My sister flew from Singapore to the UK on her own when my nephew was 6 weeks old - if you want to be there you'll find a way. Small babies are much easier than toddlers and bigger children.

Thanks for your input frosty but TBH I think it's unfair of you to say it's about "how much" I want to be there. I think that's uncalled for.

My small baby was definitely not easier than a toddler or bigger child.

Blimey, i must have had easy babies then! I BF all mine and that never stopped me going anywhere. Much easier to plop out boob as required.
You will be fine. You are over thinking it all

BF was complete agony for me for about 6 weeks with each baby, and almost impossible anywhere except one specific armchair in the case of DC1. Once it was properly established it was a case of whipping out a boob anywhere, but it took a long time to get to that stage and until then I was only really able to feed at home.

Son 1, no problem at all. Did Glasgow to Plymouth with him at 2 weeks. No trouble.

Son 2, not a chance. He hated the car until about 6 months old. We did Plymouth to London at 4 months, took 8 hours and a lot of crying from everyone!

I think you need to see how you feel at the time.

"You're being very precious. My DH's sister got married 2 weeks after I gave birth. It never crossed my mind that this was selfish, or had any negative impact for me. It took 2 flights, train journey and long car journey."

That comment was uncalled for Flangeshrub. You clearly completely lack any kind of understanding. We aren't all the same. See the below comment from another poster. You must have had an easy baby.

"Think the replies here mostly reflect the kind of baby people got and how quickly they recovered from the birth"

I couldn't have done the journey. DD needed feeding every two to three hours and took 1.5 hours per feed.

"It's more about how much you want to go tbh."

No it isn't. That was a bit mean.

All these YABU comments are from mothers who must have had easy babies. I get intensely irritated with comments like this when these people have clearly not experienced the difficulties many women do after having a baby.

Haha as for all of you closed minded people with easy babies, I had no baby at all.

I had a funeral instead.

Not a fucking chance would I have gone to a wedding 4 weeks later. I was barely alive.

Open your minds.

OP - this WILL NOT happen to you. But I think you are right to consider the various possibilities and hopefully all that's happened here is that your DSis hasn't yet. Is February their anniversary hence the date choice? I'm sure she wants you there just as much as you want to be there - and an April wedding would be just beautiful. It's still going to be winter then in Scotland so won't make a difference to the weather

It is so impossible to know how you might be feeling post birth.

By the time the wedding comes round you might be feeling fabulous. Or you might have had stitches meaning that a long car journey would be most uncomfortable.
If you're breast feeding, which I think I recall you saying you planned to be, then you are very likely to need to be stopping to feed at least every two hours for up to 40 minutes at a time.

These are the things that it is worth considering.

I forgot to say earlier - 2 weeks or so after having ds2, I was in hospital being diagnosed with a dvt.

You get treated as an outpatient so for the next two weeks I had to go into hospital daily to have an injection and blood test, that had to be within a certain time period - and be there with enough time to ensure that if they were busy I would be able to wait a couple of hours and still have my jab within the correct time. Couldn't go anywhere as everything revolved around getting jabs and blood tests. And sometimes I would be in there for 15 minutes, other times it could be 2-4 hours, I had no way of knowing. After that, I still had to go to the gp for daily blood tests (that eventually turned weekly) but still meant I was tethered to having to be there for the blood test. And as it turned out they were treating me via an ordinary protocol rather than a post-partum protocol, it meant that I kept getting problems and ending up needing treatment for 9 months instead of 4 months (not that I'm bitter. oh no) But it was all a real pain (in so many senses of the word) and really impinged on being able to commit to doing anything.

slithy sorry for your loss

Slithy, I am so very sorry.

I felt bloody awful after my first baby, and while I could possibly have dragged myself to a wedding there is no damn way I would have enjoyed it. (Also I looked like a slightly deflating spacehopper.)

I would have been quite happy to do it with my second baby, toddler and all. But no way would I want to lecture someone about how their birth will go.

Slithy I am so sorry for your loss.

My sister emailed me earlier full of excitement about setting the date (it's the one year anniversary of them fist meeting). I will call her as soon as I get home from work.

If it is still to be February 7th I will be nothing but supportive and try my best to be there even if not feeling in tip top condition. But I think it's fair to prepare her that I might not be.

Wish me luck - I don't want to hurt her feelings or "piss on her chips" in any way.

Slithy

I was in the same situation - sister getting married a few weeks after DD2 was due. I was initially really stressed about it. They were getting married about 90mins drive from where we lived and I just couldn't think what things would be like. So many what ifs..... DD2 arrived a week early so she was a month old at the wedding. Thankfully it was a fairly relaxed occasion and I was in a much better frame of mind to plan how we were going to work round it once DD2 had arrived.

I agree with everyone who has said to say that you will be there if everything goes really smoothly and you and your baby is able to cope with the trip.

Then you have raised the possibility of it being a problem without assuming the worst. I am a dull 'I was out of hospital in 8 hours and walked into town the next morning' dickhead but it's true - it does happen sometimes and you may thoroughly enjoy the wedding.
But if things are tricky, if you have more of a struggle - which loads of people do - you can cry off. You will be able to be specific by then too and be honest with her about why you can't come.
I'll keep fingers crossed for smooth sailings

Thank you all for flowers, I wasn't attention seeking, just wanted those who think everything is easy after having a baby to think a little outside the box.

Best of luck OP, I'm sure if you put yourself across as you have on this thread, all will be fine. Keep us updated.

Oh Slithy - i am so sorry. I cross posted