Sister getting married about a month after baby due

[NanooCov]

I think I'm probably being unreasonable but given it's my first baby am not sure if I'm being very precious or just a wee bit.

My only sister met a chap in February of this year. Haven't met him yet. We live SE England and she lives NE Scotland - have seen her at a family wedding abroad since they met but he wasn't there (was all arranged before they met). Have invited them down but they haven't yet taken up the offer. By all accounts they are madly in love. He moved in within weeks and they are now engaged to be married. Mum and Dad had reservations given the speed of it all and the fact he kind of just appeared (no surviving family, no friends to speak of, from South Africa and only moved to UK just before he and my sister met - though he has a UK passport as his parents were British) but are generally supportive.

They have set the date for their wedding for 7th February 2015 - nothing booked yet but it's the one year anniversary of them meeting which they think would be romantic. Wedding will be in NE Scotland somewhere.
I'm due my first DC on 22nd December. Clearly no idea if he will be on time, early or late but if law could potentially be just a month old on date of wedding.
I'm perturbed at the idea of a 500+ mile drive with a one month old to scotland when I'll be still oozing bodily fluids from every orifice, trying my best to BF and generally adjust to trying to keep a small person alive.
Am I worrying over nothing? I kind of want to prepare my sister for the fact that, as much as we'd like to attend, it might not work out for us. If I'm feeling fine and baby is thriving then marvellous, but it's the uncertainty that worries me. I don't want to suggest they push back the wedding (although nothing is booked yet) and to be honest I don't know what would be a more comforting gap between birth and wedding. Maybe I'm overthinking?

I had exactly the same - my sister got married 6 weeks after I had DC (admittedly DS2, so had done newborns before). We're in London, she was in NE Scotland. Same time of year roughly, so do watch put for the weather!!

It was a hike and I still felt fat, was EBFing a reflux baby and wrangling a toddler, but unless you have a v traumatic birth you will be fine. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

It's easier with only one DC, especially a portable EBF baby, if that's what you do. Get a sling and enjoy the day. It was DS1 who was hard work at a wedding aged 23m.

Those saying newborns are portable clearly haven't met my children. No 1 was refluxy, needed feeding at least hourly, hhhhhhaaaaatted his car seat for a year and never slept. We also had massive problems with feeding. There is no way in hell I would've been able to travel that far with him.

No 2 was similar although not quite as bad.

Conversely, I had friends who went to France in the car with a two week old and had no bother.

You might get an easy one, you might not, but I don't think it's a good idea for people to pile on telling you newborns are portable when you just can't know what you'll get.

Fly. Honestly. You will have to keep stopping for feeds and poos. Ds2 hated his car seat and screamed as soon as he was in it.

Flown long haul with both of them at 5 weeks old post cs and it's a hell of a lot easier than driving.

I would aim to go and book a hotel roomv at the venue if you can so you can escape if you need to.

I don't think it's a good idea for people to pile on telling you newborns are portable when you just can't know what you'll get.

Agree totally with Finney. For every person who says "it won't be a problem, I took my 2 week old to Guatemala" you'll get another who says "no way, my baby was waking 12 times a night and screaming half the day and my stitches were infected"

You simply don't know what you're going to get at this stage. So, telling your sister that you'll do your best but you MIGHT not make it is the way to go.

Flying would be easier than driving in some ways but not in others. Quicker yes but you can't take as much baby kit with you and you can't just stop if the baby has a screaming fit and it's harder to get them to sleep without the motion of a car (if you have a reluctant sleeper). Oh and you'd have to sort a passport or some other sort of ID so they could go on the flight.

It does depend on your newborn and it also depends on you but all we can do is share our experiences. I had stitches, an infection and a dc who needed fed every 2 hrs because he had jaundice. I was ebf, and I still managed to organise and host a party for about 100 people, exactly one month after dc was born. I'm not some kind of superwoman but there is a lot to be said for the massive surge of adrenaline giving birth gives you.

Now, three months later I looked like something that had been dragged through a hedge backwards and struggled to get organised to get out of the house.

I guess what I'm saying is that you don't know what you or your LO will be like. So just take it easy and judge it at the time. You also need to take into account how you will feel if you miss your only sister's wedding.

Maybe consider going by sleeper if you're ruling out flying. Although, honestly I think the latter would be easiest.

Hmm I wouldn't be going. What if you have a section like I did? A long car journey won't be any fun then.

If I were going to do it, I would fly then hire a car. All you will need is pram and car seat which you can take for free on the plane.

It's a long way having to stop every two hours to feed and let baby out of car seat. Plus in feb we have snow, lots of it, so could be potentially a very long journey.
Is it aberdeen or Inverness you are heading towards?, the a9 is horrible in feb :(

I couldn't have fed a baby at a wedding 4 weeks in, I needed towels to mop up all the milk I was squirting everywhere! But that's just me.

So like others have said, tell her whilst you would love to come it may not be possible. See how you feel 3 weeks in and decide then.

Blimey lots of responses. Thank you some really helpful information, particularly the link to the lovely Seraphine nursing dresses. We already have a wedding in the diary for when LO will be 6 months so will be keeping those in mind anyway theres a really nice royal blue one that has caught my eye.

Its great to hear that many have had positive travel experiences with new-borns in the early days success stories make me happy! But at the same time its also very useful to hear the other side with people who have had not such a straightforward time with baby (or indeed themselves) post birth reassures me Im not being too much of a drama queen!

As a FTM, I just dont know what to expect and its clear to me now anyway from the responses that every baby is different so even if Id had one before, Id have no guarantees that this LO would be the same. I was (and remain) pretty nave about a lot of birth related stuff I only recently figured out that bleeding post birth would probably not just be like a normal 4-5 day period and then back to normal! Am now stocking up on massive maternity pads. I am planning to breast feed but am aware that this may be difficult and likely be exhausting at first, particularly as I dont want to introduce bottles so early. A niggle in the back of my mind too is the fact that Im 37 so not a particularly young mum (though not geriatric either) and I wonder whether me and my body will just need a bit more recovery time than a 20 something might perhaps need.

Re travel options, I am now leaning more towards flying I think, but will see how it goes. Will need to investigate ID requirements for new-borns and the ear thing though I seem to recall theyre ok on UK flights as you never get to an altitude that would hurt their ears? Sleeper train is an option but Ive only coped with it in the past with no actual sleep and getting drunk in the bar car, which is probably not an option this time sadly

I agree it would be lovely for family attending the wedding to meet the LO and it will probably be absolutely fussed over but on the flipside I also worry that I dont really want it to become the focus of attention! Its my sisters day and I want her to be the one in the limelight enjoying all the attention.

Just to be absolutely clear, I do not think my sister is being selfish in the slightest I am delighted she has met someone she has fallen head over heels for. Shes not been particularly lucky in love in the past and Im truly thrilled for her. It must be a family trait that we take a while to find the one as I didnt marry my OH until I was 35 and my sister will be 40 in a couple of months. I also think she should have exactly the wedding she wants and when she wants it my mum (love her, but shes a meddler) interfered quite a lot when we were planning my wedding so I wouldnt dream of doing this to my sister. She deserves to have exactly what she wants. I just desperately want to be there to share it with her and am worried that I might not be able to. I just never imagined a circumstance where I might miss my only siblings wedding.

Im not sure if shell have bridesmaids or not we have talked about it in the past and she was my only bridesmaid, and I think there was a bit of an assumption I would be hers if she ever got married (though shed admit herself I dont think she ever expected she would). If she wants me to be hers then Ill be delighted and would like to give her the support and attention she needs, though accept with a new-born that is likely to be tricky!

I do worry that the relationship has progressed quite quickly in a short space of time but I just have to trust her judgement. I love her to bits and just want whats best for her. Even though Im the younger sister Ive always been quite protective of her and would cause actual bodily harm to anyone who hurt her.

I would really like to meet the chap before the wedding though! Hopefully theyll get a chance to come down before the end of the year but I know money is quite tight for them (especially now with a wedding to plan for) so well just have to see whats possible.

Ill call her tonight after work and just try to have a gently but open and frank discussion. As I said, if she and her fianc have settled on the date then Ill be supportive and just have to deal with my disappointment if I cant make it. But if Im completely honest, if she chooses to push it back a little I have to admit Id be happy. Obviously I wont say that to her though!

DD only needed a birth certificate to fly on a domestic flight with easyJet 2 weeks ago. She slept through takeoff and landing both ways, so her ears were fine, but I was ready to feed her (ebf) or offer a dummy (as a once off) so that the sucking would make them 'pop.' I had a window seat with DH beside me so it was fairly private when she woke up for a quick feed.

i would rather have stuck pins in my eyes than flown or driven that distance with a newborn baby.

you have no idea what life will be like then. mine was feeding every hour or two at that stage (still was at 6 months).

this meant i was surviving on 60 minutes of sleep in a 24 hour period. this alone, aside from the logistical challenge of travelling with a small baby, would render me useless in any social situation.

YANBU and to be honest I would be planning to not attend. Only based on my last 2 births though.

This third one, due sept 12th, I've refused to make plans until 2015

Congratulations on baby

And ime, the best sort of time to go would be when baby is about 3/4 months. You will be more in a routine, know what you are doing, hopefully fully healed, but baby won't be on solids or mobile yet, therefore easier. However I suspect you can't engineer it that closely!

See the thing is, you are what, 5/6 months pregnant? DSis has known her fiancé for 6 months?

So you were likely pregnant first. So if I were in DSis position, I would be arranging dates to suit main players. If I wanted you there, I'd be checking with you. Otherwise, I would accept that you possibly couldn't be.

I would have found this all but impossible with DD at that age, I was struggling so much with bfing, the idea of having to do so in a strange place amongst strangers wouldn't have been great at all.

Just prepare your sister for the fact that you might not be there, but tell her now so that if she decides she really wants you there she can put the date back a bit.

tell her now so that if she decides she really wants you there she can put the date back a bit

Yes, she may not even have considered that Feb would be difficult for you (I know that I was blissfully unaware of the practicalities of babies pre-DD!), and she may be quite happy to put the date back once she knows it could be a struggle.

My friends brother-in-law got married a similar period of time after my friend had her second baby. I think se told them on numerous occasions it wasn't great timing especially as the couple wanted everyone to stay over in the hotel they were staying in. She didn't end up going as she had a c-section and ended up with the scar infected so found it really uncomfortable to sit in a car for any length of time. It is about an hours drive. Don't think her mother in law has forgiven her for missing it though.

It took us almost 30 days to get a birth cert issued in London. We had to accept the date and time that was given to us and there was no way to speed up the process.

Ascending is fine, its descending in a plane that hurts childrens ears but it is usually pretty easy to get them to suckle/bf when they are tiny and actually dead handy to get a little snack into them before you head off to baggage collection/car hire/etc.

DD1 - flew overseas for a wedding post CS at 6 weeks. No issues. Did miss my own DSIS overseas wedding when baby was 2 weeks old though. Had declined from the outset though
DD2 - poor feeder, treated for jaundice, was expressing every feed and bottle feeding BM until 12 weeks. A wedding would have been a huge hassle at 4 weeks. No way of knowing.

I'd just be really enthusiastic but regretful that you might not be able to make it, or party into the night with them.

As an aside, while it might be romantic, your sister will never be able to go away for her wedding anniversary without paying through the nose for it !
Before confirming a date, she should check that she can find a florist that will even consider doing a wedding then. Where's she going on honeymoon in Feb?

Much easier to see how you feel after the bairn is here, but I agree flying is probably your best option - should only need a birth certificate. I did a lengthy road trip with DD when she was five weeks, I was presenting at a conference - poster accepted before the BFP - it was tough as I was still healing and she was a feeder. But we managed it in three stints (would usually have one stop if any) and had a great time.

Babes with bumps also do some lovely dresses, I got mine for DD's christening from there.

I think your over thinking it to be honest. It can be done and may be nice for you to have a reason to get dressed up. I had a 4 hour drive the day after giving birth and I coped just fine and a hen do 6 weeks post partum. Visited in laws 6 hours away 3 weeks post partum. It's only a big deal if you want it to be.

It's only a big deal if you want it to be.

rubbish. And the idea of getting dressed up a month after having a baby and feeling pretty awful - god, the shopping trip alone would have turned me into a wreck.

TreadSoftly why would it be expensive to go away in Feb? And why would she struggle to get a florist? We have lots of important family dates in Feb and we've never struggled with flowers.

OP is not 'overthinking' it. She may have a lovely, on-time, hassle free birth and a sweet placid 'portable' baby.

Or she could go 2 weeks over and end up with an emcs (like I did) in which case she'd have a 2 week old baby to transport while dealing with her own recover from major surgery.

I can assure Billygoats that not how I 'wanted it to be'

Just say you might make it and you might not, then you can decide later.

I had a drawn out induction with lots of intervention, then big problems bfing, but I could have done it at 4 weeks. It wouldn't have been easy, and a person with a straightforward birth might not be able to. It depends on the individual mum and baby and there is no right or wrong.

Would flying be easier than driving all that way?

I couldn't have done it with either of my two. Feeding problems, sicky baby, sleep deprivation .. it would have been hell. The first 3 months for me were super tough and I never had that rush of energy others talk about.

But experiences vary so much and you may well be ok. I can understand how disappointed you would be to miss it. I really hope it works for you!