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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think you cant post anything on here without being picked on!

156 replies

zazA09Jane · 09/08/2014 21:19

like really, this section can be so negative and bitchy! nearly everyone who posts in AIBU gets unnecessaryagro about something theyv posted which to anyone else could seem completely normal!? some people need to get there attitude checked and realise that for example if you say the word 'gay' in a post, you don't need to rip them apart calling them homophobic by people desperately looking for a problem..just saying, chill out we are supposed to support eachother as women not make sly digs and remarks over social networking!

OP posts:
KnittedJimmyChoos · 10/08/2014 15:10

Yes Boney, glad you can see it too, the twisting that goes on.

MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 10/08/2014 15:33

@Pinkrose1

I'll do that jimmy Smile. Not sure they are listening though as it's a nebulous, manipulative ploy. But I'll do it anyway Grin

Bit of a body blow, Pinkrose1!

We are listening, and doing a lot of work behind the scenes to make AIBU a less shirty place to post.

But there are rather more of you than there are of us, and as RowanMumsnet said on that thread, the MN forums are what you, collectively, make of them. You can set the tone.

With your help, we'll try to change things.

So please, report where necessary, but equally importantly, challenge anyone who steps out of line on the thread itself (in a nice, respectful and above all non-shirty way).

Okay, lecture over Grin

Sneezecakesmum1 · 10/08/2014 15:41

Boney. That's exactly what happened to me. I posted something that I thought was fair and supportive, but in a bit of a clunky way and didn't make myself 100% clear. When I realised what I had written sounded a bit pushy if read in a way I hadn't intended, I immediately explained how I meant the post. Was that read? Was it all twisted? Did it make me out to be an uncaring bitch? Was I ripped to shreds by a bunch of pit bulls determined to have their own agenda and not even read my clarification?

In the end I was goaded into a totally out of character rant which made me look like the bitch they were making me out to be and which they reported me for and had removed which it should have been, it was awful Sad

And when I went on the MNHQ thread about making AIBU a kinder place and referring to a totally different thread where the same tactics were used, guess what? Up came the pack dogs and started on me again about my uncharacteristic rant in an attempt to make me look bad again. Succeeded too Angry

KnittedJimmyChoos · 10/08/2014 15:45

Dawn, some of us desperately do try and help out where someone is being pummelled.

We also challenge but do you understand what Pink rose has written with regards to the twisting, because that is your problem, if you can see this - and if you can help police this, I promise it will be a much more plesant forum.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 10/08/2014 15:47

Sneezecakesmum1

you can see it too, and its you you that MNHQ will come along and delete!

TheRealAmandaClarke · 10/08/2014 16:02

Yabu
Its not true that you "cant post anything without being picked on"
I love aibu. Its very stimulating.
Sometimes its a supportive place. Sometimes i see some bullying and some nastiness.
I would like to be able to say "fuck off" a lot more.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 10/08/2014 16:19

Agree Amanda in my view aibu is both supportive, funny and robust.

You do need to keep a sense of humour here and a sense of proportion.

There are lots of supportive pms from posters to each other.

Obviously some debates get heated but to say the ahold section is nasty is incorrect and plain daft.

Pinkrose1 · 10/08/2014 16:22

Realamanda. Can't you see that it's the bullying and nastiness that ruins it?

And if you say to someone 'fuck off' then it's you that gets deleted, not the person who deliberately wound you up to that point?

MNHQ. Can you at least acknowledge that this type of behaviour does go on and is one of the reasons people like me get so frustrated? It's easy enough to report and delete someone who says 'I'm sick of this hounding, fuck off'. Much more difficult to delete someone who has twisted what a poster says and is screaming rascist, fascist, disablist, homophobic etc?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 10/08/2014 16:27

pinkrose i hear what you're saying. Truly. Sometimes i have been upset by things here and i think some ppl can be very unreasonable
But on the whole i think its relatively balanced. With a smidgeon of shit thrown in.

Pinkrose1 · 10/08/2014 16:40

Wouldn't it be nice to have no shit at all?

I don't mind realistic disagreements, but shit? Not necessary. Adults can agree to disagree without picking up on grammar errors and suchlike stuff.

Weathergames · 10/08/2014 17:47

I don't care if someone picks me up on my grammar I have loads of typos as post from iPad/phone.

Those people just make themselves look a bit silly IMO - they don't know who does and doesn't have dyslexia etc.

Its the goading and twisting that gets me.

I had a thread (rightly) deleted last week. I stated 4 or 5 times that I had been unreasonable and apologised but a poster banged on and in about my relationship (which was not the main focus of my thread) and deduced that he isn't actually my partner because we are not married and have no kids together Hmm even though we live together.

I hadn't expressed myself well but my issue was with the way FB was being used over the issue not the actual "issue" (again explaining myself excellently).

I ignored a lot of the insults but it did get to me a bit that I was being portrayed or had portrayed myself as something I am not.

I was going to NC but thought why should I.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 10/08/2014 21:08

Yy pinkrose sometimes its not very nice.
But often it is good. And its often very interesting.
I just think its not true to say that "you can't post anything without being picked on" although i can see that it might feel like that after an unpleasant episode.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 10/08/2014 23:10

TheRealAmandaClarke Sun 10-Aug-14 16:27:49

I am surprised by your posts Amanda I have been on quite a few threads with you, were you have said posters are being un reasonably nasty,....and you have been a shining voice of compassion coming through, at least...under this alias!

KnittedJimmyChoos · 10/08/2014 23:11

Its the goading and twisting that gets me

Twisting, another one who sees this.

MorphineDreams · 10/08/2014 23:17

I do see twisting. It's infuriating. Especially when someone doing the twisting is trying to do so in a way that suits their agenda and makes it overly emotional

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 10/08/2014 23:32

I agree that posters attacking spelling and punctuation are arses and always point that out unless it's done as an obvious joke.

Twisting and goading could equally be seen by other posters as forthright debate. I think it really does depend upon the actual posts.

I have been deleted before and quite frankly I deserved it.

However to say you can't post Anything without getting flamed is silly.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 11/08/2014 08:18

I do see nastiness and i often call ppl on it.
I think i have not made myself clear here, so i apologise.
I dislike that twisting of words and passive aggressive (sometimes aggressive-aggressive) thing that some ppl do sometimes. I do challenge ppl when i see what i feel to be an unneccessarily harsh comment or the creeping in of a "pack" mentality.

I just think that, overall, it is still worth posting.
So perhaps i was flippant in my reply here.

I always post under this username. Grin

Dontgotosleep · 11/08/2014 23:05

Fully agree zaz. I've just posted something and have been verbally beaten and almost flammed alive. Mind you I did ask a.i.b.u.

MorphineDreams · 11/08/2014 23:07

Benefits threads always end up like that on here

gordyslovesheep · 11/08/2014 23:08

well it depends how goady they are to be fair

Whiskwarrior · 11/08/2014 23:11

Oh, OP, what other people have yet to realise is that you posted on another thread and spouted some delightful stuff about the Muslim takeover in your city! Full of bile and spite. And you continued in this vein, despite being challenged by people, and bleating that you're not racist.

But yes, everyone here is nasty, standing up for all those horrible Muslims. How very dare they!

MrsMarcJacobs · 11/08/2014 23:14

Y

MrsMarcJacobs · 11/08/2014 23:15

Yanbu

LittlePeaPod · 12/08/2014 22:21

Whisk I read that thread and saw. [Shock] Pot calling kettle. Also the reason I choose not to comment further on this thread, well till now.

Tralalalalalala · 12/08/2014 22:38

It quite often seems to be the case quite often that a group of posters will materialise, rip into the OP and whoever foolishly supports them.

They then proceed to twist comments, accuse people of being trolls, bring up comments said days ago in other threads and goad, whilst all the time slapping themselves on the back & making twee little jokes with each other until other posters tell them to "Fuck off" and get deleted for their trouble.

I've seen it happen on quite a few threads recently - and now NC if I'm going to say anything on a thread that looks like it's going to kick off.