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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think you cant post anything on here without being picked on!

156 replies

zazA09Jane · 09/08/2014 21:19

like really, this section can be so negative and bitchy! nearly everyone who posts in AIBU gets unnecessaryagro about something theyv posted which to anyone else could seem completely normal!? some people need to get there attitude checked and realise that for example if you say the word 'gay' in a post, you don't need to rip them apart calling them homophobic by people desperately looking for a problem..just saying, chill out we are supposed to support eachother as women not make sly digs and remarks over social networking!

OP posts:
FlossyMoo · 10/08/2014 10:18

Er Dawn you do know it's Sunday morning don't you? Confused

Grin
MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 10/08/2014 10:21

@FlossyMoo

Er Dawn you do know it's Sunday morning don't you? Confused

Grin

Clearly there wasn't enough to go round! Sad

FlossyMoo · 10/08/2014 10:27

It's that Amymumsnet Dawn. I hear on the grape vine she stashes all the gin for herself Grin

MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 10/08/2014 10:49

@FlossyMoo

It's that Amymumsnet Dawn. I hear on the grape vine she stashes all the gin for herself Grin

Hmm, I'll have a trawl of the office in a minute. Might be able to find her stash (or even AmyMumsnet herself) under one of the desks at the back ... Wink

MorphineDreams · 10/08/2014 10:59

Give over fanjo I was replying to what insomnia posted I didn't go out of my way to post about you. and 'personal attacks'? Perhaps you and me have a different definition of personal attacks.

ilovesooty · 10/08/2014 11:01

Pinkrose if AIBU isn't for you you can post in other places. Use of it isn't compulsory.

However events over the last couple of days have left me very disappointed in MNHQ and their decisions about what they delete and abuse they deem acceptable.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/08/2014 11:01

Maybe dawn can read the thread and see what she thinks. And look at he reports I have submitted about your PAs on other thread too.

MorphineDreams · 10/08/2014 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

gordyslovesheep · 10/08/2014 11:10

honestly I think it's a very simplistic view that 'aibu = nasty'

there are many very supportive and gentle threads - lots of interesting discussions and I have only had a few run ins with certain people over the past 2 years - never been flamed at all

I think there are certain types of posters who don't get how AIBU works - they either post and then dislike the response (perfectly reasonable responses that just disagree with their pov), post goady stuff knowing full well what to expect, name change deliberately to be goady etc etc

There ARE people who hang around here looking for the first whiff of a fight so they can join in - they tend to be the people who don't want to debate or engage with other posters - they do just see this place as a fight club.

on the whole though I think most people here are fine - a bit fiery at times but generally fair

MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 10/08/2014 12:02

@ilovesooty

However events over the last couple of days have left me very disappointed in MNHQ and their decisions about what they delete and abuse they deem acceptable.

Hi ilovesooty

We're really sorry you feel this way. If you'd like to mail us about any particular concerns you have, we'll happily try to explain our stance - or take it on the chin and admit it if we've got it wrong.

And Fanjo, we're looking into your reports now - sorry for the slow response but we've had quite a few fires to fight this weekend.

We'd like to reassure everyone that we do reply to every report we receive - though sometimes it can take us a wee bit longer to respond. Please continue to report any posts which you feel cross the line.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 10/08/2014 12:27
  • but if you just take a look at Rowan's opening post you'll see that we're working hard behind the scenes to make AIBU a more luffly place to post.

I have seen several posters in past few days being ripped apart by pack of baying hyenas. Poster asking perfectly reasonable questions, have been mauled and destroyed.

Not seeing how its with the spirit and ethos of the site as a whole really.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 10/08/2014 12:30

generally being nasty and rude for no reason. . which does happen! Oh goodness yes, I think some have nothing better to do than wait for someone to post, find a few words which are then twisted and used to spike and gauge the victim, the whole thread becomes nonsensical and totally de railed. People find themselves defending themselves under bizarre accusations that have been pulled out of the op by bizarre twisted individuals.

dawndonnaagain · 10/08/2014 12:41

I could be interested in what you say, but you seem unable to use the language in a comprehensible manner.

gordyslovesheep · 10/08/2014 12:42

sometimes I think I must be on a different site to everyone else

Knitted I hope you reported those posts - I've not really seen anything like that

Pinkrose1 · 10/08/2014 12:54

Jimmychoo. Well said!

As ilovesooty says I don't have to post on AIBU and I don't start posts anymore and if I see it deteriorating I just hide the thread.

My concern, and why I don't think the OP is BU, is that new MNetters walk unaware into the bear pit and their first experience of MN is this nasty, twisted, distorted reality some posters are determined to hang onto.

Imo AIBU is not fit for purpose and needs binning. So much of MN is wonderfully supportive, informative, wise, entertaining, real life and fluffy but the whole lot is tainted by AIBU.

ilovesooty · 10/08/2014 12:56

Thank you Dawn. I have sent an email.

ilovesooty · 10/08/2014 12:59

I like AIBU. I find it often supportive, wise and entertaining. Perhaps new posters could reasonably be signposted to other forums more appropriate to their needs? By means of a header perhaps?

KnittedJimmyChoos · 10/08/2014 13:13

Knitted I hope you reported those posts - I've not really seen anything like that

Yes I do.

I think there is something morally repugnant about some one posting on a matter and being picked apart accused of things that are simply not there.

The recent BF on a train thread was a classic example of this, and I did not think MNHQ responded well at all. This was a new poster, who simply asked someone to move so she could sit and BF. Normal posters said yes you are being un reasonable and very simply why. However the mob got stuck in and bayed her and baited her, and got very personal accusing her of a myriad of faults and problems. How do MNHQ think this woman, feels on the receiving end of this, un awares as well? Does she realise how nasty it can become? Can she brush it off, or is this woman really really upset somewhere? Pretty nasty to my mind.

Some posters want to label and condemn some posters, and lash out at them.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 10/08/2014 13:15

Imo AIBU is not fit for purpose and needs binning. So much of MN is wonderfully supportive, informative, wise, entertaining, real life and fluffy but the whole lot is tainted by AIBU

I don't think it should be binned, just managed more effectively.

ilovesooty · 10/08/2014 13:17

I don't think MNHQ responded well to that thread, but for entirely different reasons. That's why I've now emailed.

FlossyMoo · 10/08/2014 13:18

God knitting that's shocking Shock

I saw the thread in active but didn't read it. Is the poster still about or have they left?

KnittedJimmyChoos · 10/08/2014 13:32

I don't know Flossy but it was shocking and embarrassing and heinous.

People have a tendency to be vicious then say innocently...just because they didn't hear what they wanted too..

Plenty of people are able to respond in AIBU and tell posters what they may not want to hear...or they may... without being nasty.

Pinkrose1 · 10/08/2014 13:33

That's the whole point. It's been going for yonks and despite certain guidelines the vile behaviour still continues, so it's impossible to police without an army of staff.

Fanfeckintastic · 10/08/2014 13:39

I actually completely disagree, I've only ever really posted in AIBU and most of the time gotten really lovely replies, sometimes when I definitely AM being unreasonable I'm told in no uncertain terms but isn't that what it's for? From serious things to minor things to things that really shouldn't be in AIBU at all Blush

I think it really depends on your attitude but I've mostly found it a really nice place if you're actually willing to take on board what others have to say, otherwise why bother posting?

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 10/08/2014 13:44

knitted

It's funny that you see the post that way,

I read a person needed to bf her baby in Public place but demanded a complete stranger move away from her so she could do what millions of women do every day without fuss.

When this man quite rightly refused she practically accused him of being a dirty pervert and created a huge fuss in a public place. The guard took pity on the man and moved him to first class.

The poster then proceeded to state that those disagreeing with her actions, and clearly she was asking our opinions or why post, were spiteful bitches who she would no longer engage with.

I dislike bullies and felt the poster had bullied and upset a complete stranger and used vile language on the thread.

Still we all see what we want to see don't we. We all have our own moral compass.

Personally I don't condone bullies or drama queens or anyone who makes breast feeding difficult for women so when asked I say so.

If you don't want opinions then don't post on aibu

Simple.