to think you cant post anything on here without being picked on!

[zazA09Jane]

like really, this section can be so negative and bitchy! nearly everyone who posts in AIBU gets unnecessaryagro about something theyv posted which to anyone else could seem completely normal!? some people need to get there attitude checked and realise that for example if you say the word 'gay' in a post, you don't need to rip them apart calling them homophobic by people desperately looking for a problem..just saying, chill out we are supposed to support eachother as women not make sly digs and remarks over social networking!

I think it really depends on your attitude but I've mostly found it a really nice place if you're actually willing to take on board what others have to say, otherwise why bother posting?

I have used it many times, and been helped enormously on a number of issues...one in particular I was hand held and walked through an issue ( not major) and helped to a great resolution.

Sadly I am not sure the good out weighs the bad. I just cannot imagine how some people feel on the other side of the keyboard when accused of what people are ^projecting onto them out of no where.

Surely you can see that some people are able to say - yes you are being un reasonable and say why without being vicious. And others clearly want a fight. They pick on phrasing and so on and do their best to goad the poster and trip them up....then when the poster is down, they set on them like hyaenas.

I dislike bullies and felt the poster had bullied and upset a complete stranger and used vile language on the thread

This is where I personally take issue.

People defending an anonymous man is one thing, fair enough, people defending this man, who has no idea what's going on and attacking an op, who is there on the other side of the key board, in droves....is another.

As for her using vile language, I would say she was probably in shock and lashed out. if she has been spoken to nicely in the first place this wouldn't have happened.

I think that's just the problem with forums as a whole though, people want to give their opinions and if it's a unanimous 'YABU' and people are quite vocal in what they say it can appear as bullying or bandwagoning - but it isn't. It's just a group of people with the same collective opinion.

The poster concerned should have had her third disgraceful thread deleted yesterday knitted

Her accusations and language was vile.

However in general I find Aibu a fantastically funny, engaging, informative and interesting site.

The main problem occurs when a poster believes everyone will completely agree with them and cuts up rough when some posters actually say no yabu.

The thread yesterday was a classic example.

Of course things can get too personal but generally it's handled well.

Personally I don't condone bullies or drama queens or anyone who makes breast feeding difficult for women so when asked I say so

I'd like to know what you think a bully is.

A lady with a baby in her arms saying please move....I feel uncomfortable....

Or tons of posters telling her - over and over again she is the pits of human behaviour and despicable human being?

In amongst people saying " yes, you should have just sat elsewhere and not asked him to move, don't worry you will get hang of BF soon etc"

I didnt see any third thread I only saw the first with the BF problem.

after that appalling display I am not surprised if she wanted to lash out. im my mind she was goaded into it.

She was but that changed when she accused a perfect stranger of being a pervert.

Have to agree again Jimmychoo. It's not the disagreeing with someone that is the issue it's how it's done.

The habit of dissecting a phrase, taking it out of context, twisting it and then completely ignoring the OP trying to explain it more clearly and being ignored infuriates me. Then being set upon by others for the thing the 'twister' has written! It's so manipulative. It's also clever enough to slip under talk guidelines and difficult to report despite the fact others are saying complete rubbish about what you haven't written. Gaslighting is, I believe, the term.

Some of the "goading" "bullying" whatever you want to call it and the twisting if information and given facts reminds me very much of being in an mentally abusive relationship.

I don't think stating that someone is a pervert is ever acceptable with absolutely no proof.

You need to read the thread then. You can't really comment until you do because it's obvious from
Your last post shows you missed a lot.

It was quite upsetting to think that man could have been my dh or my dss, being accused of disgusting things because she did to get her own way.

A lot of posters thought the same. It was a horrible story.

And by her own account she attempted to embarrass, bully and harass him out of his seat. Quite a few posters felt she had made a scene and felt sorry for him.

Op: YABU.

Didn't see the b/f thread, but the op of that one sounds like an entitled arse.

The habit of dissecting a phrase, taking it out of context, twisting it and then completely ignoring the OP trying to explain it more clearly and being ignored infuriates me. Then being set upon by others for the thing the 'twister' has written! It's so manipulative. It's also clever enough to slip under talk guidelines and difficult to report despite the fact others are saying complete rubbish about what you haven't written. Gaslighting is, I believe, the term

Pink I am really glad you can see this too. This is exactly what I am talking about. And its a culture that is firmly engrained here and MNHQ need to recognise it, I am not sure they see it or understand it!

thebody

I really can't say any more. Many people were able to express their opinion on that ladies actions and indeed many gave the man the benefit of the doubt, and said so in a nice way.

Had the thread continued like that, the poster may have been able to step back and think about it - and say, ok, yes....I can see I over reacted, or yes there are elements there that may be true.

Unfortunately the chances of that happening when some posters pile in, over and over and over again being plain nasty are nil.

I think enough people told her she was being un reasonable without the same few posters going on and on and on about it, If you cannot see how that is bullying behaviour......

I totally disagree that posters twist facts or bully on a regular basis I think that's bollocks actually.

There are posters on here that I have profoundly disagreed with but can debate the issue respectfully.

Again some people post and then completely change their previous stances and that's great.

But it is called aibu for a reason. Some will day yes and some no and if you post you have to accept that and not have massive Hissy fits and call those disagreeing with you vile names.

Pink are you able to copy what you wrote onto the thread MNHQ are supposed to be reading about whats wrong with AIBU, because you have summed it up so well and I don't want to copy you....

its exactly that - they need to watch out for and be aware and yet they miss it so many times!

Her behaviour towards the man was unacceptable and she refused to take that on board. She then quite clearly stated that he was a pervert and a misogynist. That appalled me.

Some of the "goading" "bullying" whatever you want to call it and the twisting if information and given facts reminds me very much of being in an mentally abusive relationship

yep I agree.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2141433-AIBU-MNHQs-thoughts-and-what-you-can-do

pink this is the other thread.

No the op had some posters agreeing with her as others disagreed right up to the end of the thread.

I disagree totally that she was bullied in the slightest. The only bullying came from the woman to the poor bloke.

I'll do that jimmy . Not sure they are listening though as it's a nebulous, manipulative ploy. But I'll do it anyway

There are threads that are about certain topics that you know from the beginning will not end well. Purely because you know that various posters or groups of posters will enter thread and twist it too their own ends.

they will either post passive aggressive, get "almost personal", comment about grammar and spelling capabilities, twist what you have said, deliberately misunderstand, and then start reporting you for responding to their goady posts.

It really does (like has been said up thread) read like an emotionally abusive relationship.

Did the thread in question get deleted? If not could someone kindly link to it please?

Oh and lets not forget those that post deliberately goady threads that are allowed to stand because they are topical and these posters have form for doing so.