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Original poster

To be pissed off at DPs constant 'she must be the milkman's' "jokes" regarding our 1 YO DD?

571 replies

Mummytoagorgeouschops · 09/08/2014 21:07

Our DD is 1YO with blonde hair and blue eyes. Both me and my DP have brown hair and green eyes.

Over the last year I have gotten increasingly sick of the 'she looks nothing like me she must be the milkmans/postmans/undertakers etc etc' jokes which I think are in pretty bad taste.

We were at a BBQ tonight and he mentioned it at least three times to different people. If I'm quite honest, I wanted to keep my DD inside and away from people as when they mentioned her 'beautiful blue eyes' or 'blonde curls' they were met with some stupid remark by my DP. They looked genuinely shocked when he said it and I feel as though it portrays me in a bad light, almost as though I have a penchant for sleeping around!

I know its a joke and there is no truth in it but she is the spitting image of him when he was a baby. I dont want her to pick up on what he's saying either especially as he has another DD from a previous relationship who he reckons Is the spitting image of him, although I think she looks a lot more like her mum than him.

It's just really starting to upset me. I just want to burst into tears as I feel so humiliated when he says it

OP posts:
Davidtennantmistress · 11/08/2014 19:16

Sorry dsd.*

TheRealAmandaClarke · 11/08/2014 19:16

Oh you poor thing. Im sorry its so shit.
This is him though.
Good luck.

Original poster
Mummytoagorgeouschops · 11/08/2014 19:48

Thanks itsfab. DP has just decided that we are having her until next Wednesday so that's another weeks plans for my DD and myself scrapped :( it would be nice for DD and myself to have actual quality on our own without anyone else.

Oh and also another week and a half maintenance paid for fuck all

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 11/08/2014 19:54

Go to your mum's for the next few days.

You are not the babysitter.

Even if you don't go - he can't be working all that time? When he's not a work, he looks after DSD and you do as you planned to.

Please don't accept the way he treats you.

Original poster
Mummytoagorgeouschops · 11/08/2014 19:56

No but he's working the majority of that time. My DD ha missed out on so much due to me having to look after DSD so much

OP posts:
Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 11/08/2014 19:58

So what's your plan op? You have to take control here for your sake and your dds.

Pico2 · 11/08/2014 19:59

You seem to be paying for the privilege of being a nanny. He sounds like a cocklodger + 1. It must be really hard, but it might be time for an ultimatum.

ChasedByBees · 11/08/2014 20:04

I would tell him if he is decided she stays, he organises the childcare. And go out. Leave them to it.

doziedoozie · 11/08/2014 20:15

DP has just decided that we are having her until next Wednesday so that's another weeks plans for my DD and myself scrapped sad it would be nice for DD and myself to have actual quality on our own without anyone else

Well that was your chance to give a loud and clear no. No point complaining if you are just going to go along with it.

AnyFucker · 11/08/2014 20:18

OP, just pick up your daughter and go even if just for a few days

he is not the boss of you

he needs to learn this lesson the hard way...all the talking you have tried to do has fallen on deaf ears because he doesn't want to listen. If he did that he would have to acknowledge his emotional and financial abuse of you and he might have to stop treating you like a domestic appliance with a vagina

AnyFucker · 11/08/2014 20:20

OP, you are not going to do anything about this, are you ? You are having a little vent on here and then back to business as usual. You are worth much more than that, love.

If I was your mum, I would be coming to collect both of you.

Whereisegg · 11/08/2014 20:24

Please please pack a bag and go.
He couldn't care less about you if he tried!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 11/08/2014 20:40

How often is dsd at yours during term time?

MintyCoolMojito · 11/08/2014 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mummytoagorgeouschops · 11/08/2014 20:46

I told him that I had plans with DD and had arranged them on the days that I thought I wouldn't have the responsibility of DSD.

I was planning on going swimming - it's free for DD as she's under 4 but not free for DSD as she's 5 so that's an extra cost plus I don't particularly like the idea of being on my own in charge of 2kids at a swimming pool. I was also going to go and see my gran for the day but I know that DSD wouldn't wear that whereas DD would as at her age she's easily amused. There was an art tots kinda group I was going to go to but again its an extra cost.

I've told him all this and he just says 'I have to see my daughter. Stop complaining you always have something to moan about I'm working hard for you all'

OP posts:
HilariousInHindsight · 11/08/2014 20:46

You either want things to change or you don't.

If you don't, that's fine. But if you do then you need to do something. Sitting back and hoping things are going to change is pointless and you know they wont.

Go to your Mum's for a few days and do things with DD.

No childcare for DSD? He'll sort it out, of course!

You made last minute plans, just like he just did with his DSD coming to stay. It's nothing personal, but your spending time with your Mum and having some me time with DD.

If he flips out, it shows the measure of him.

I'd personally just leave as you sound like you are pretty much a single parent anyway, so what's the difference.

If he doesn't pay anything to you then get CSA onto him. Even if they say he can only pay £20 a week that's something.

He's obviously not learnt his lesson and is as immature as his ex.

I feel sorry for you but you aren't doing anything to change your situation so my empathy comes to a limit there.

I hope you decide to leave for your DDs sake as she'll pick up on it too and realise Daddy doesn't show her as much attention. I'd give it a year before she notices, to be honest. That will deeply impact her but if you just want to keep the status quo, go ahead.

Whereisegg · 11/08/2014 20:48

I agree with him, please stop complaining.
Do something!

He couldn't make it any more obvious that he doesn't give a shit about you.
Ring your mum, chuck some stuff in a bag, and leave.

Itsfab · 11/08/2014 20:51

But he isn't seeing his daughter as he is at work and he isn't paying for you all as he only lends you money for food and his daughter has holey shoes ffs!

Bluntly either shut up about him or leave as he won't change.

AnyFucker · 11/08/2014 20:53

This really is the juncture where we all, with one voice, say shit, or get off the pot

SanityClause · 11/08/2014 20:53

"I have to see my daughter."

"So, take some time off work, and see her. I'm taking DD to visit Gran, swimming and to the toddler art group. I can look after DSD on x days, but not y days. You'll have to arrange other childcare for y days, if you can't do it yourself."

Whereisegg · 11/08/2014 21:08

Come on op, you can do it, you would be right to do it!

You and your dd do not deserve this wanker to rule your lives without a sexond thought to what either of you want or need.

Get angry, I'm fucking furious! Angry

Original poster
Mummytoagorgeouschops · 11/08/2014 21:16

He's coming in in ten minutes. I'm gonna lay down the law and tell him that I AM going to do this on these days and therefore I can't have DSD on these particular days and if you don't like it then you can lump it

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 11/08/2014 21:19

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me

His reaction will speak volumes

Darkesteyes · 11/08/2014 21:19

If I was your mum, I would be coming to collect both of you.

Seconded!

He doesnt give two shites about you OP OR the daughter you have together.

He only wants to play Happy Family Man to the outside world while behind closed doors its you doing all the hard graft AND paying out for it. Hes an emotionally financially abusive prick who sees you as a domestic appliance with a vagina like AF said. Fucking knob.

Darkesteyes · 11/08/2014 21:20

Yes Mummy You need to show him you are not standing for it. Does your mobile phone have a recording facility?