To be pissed off at DPs constant 'she must be the milkman's' "jokes" regarding our 1 YO DD?

[Mummytoagorgeouschops]

Our DD is 1YO with blonde hair and blue eyes. Both me and my DP have brown hair and green eyes.

Over the last year I have gotten increasingly sick of the 'she looks nothing like me she must be the milkmans/postmans/undertakers etc etc' jokes which I think are in pretty bad taste.

We were at a BBQ tonight and he mentioned it at least three times to different people. If I'm quite honest, I wanted to keep my DD inside and away from people as when they mentioned her 'beautiful blue eyes' or 'blonde curls' they were met with some stupid remark by my DP. They looked genuinely shocked when he said it and I feel as though it portrays me in a bad light, almost as though I have a penchant for sleeping around!

I know its a joke and there is no truth in it but she is the spitting image of him when he was a baby. I dont want her to pick up on what he's saying either especially as he has another DD from a previous relationship who he reckons Is the spitting image of him, although I think she looks a lot more like her mum than him.

It's just really starting to upset me. I just want to burst into tears as I feel so humiliated when he says it

hallelujah !

I really hope you get all the support you need to do what you want.
Enjoy your DD. They are adorable.

Of course he's asking you to come back, there's his other dd to look after.
Can you stay the night with your friend?

If you stay as a family you need to take on stepmum role and parent both girls equally
Reading your posts yes i do think you resent the wee girl.that'll be problematic
Youre a significant adult in the 5yo life.youll never solely have a you,dh and your bio daughter relationship.there's not three of you.there's four. And whats more the two girls they are half sisters

Are you reading the same thread as me?!

FGS, scottishmummy. You are like a squeaking gate. Give it a rest.

TheRealAmanda "And im not sure that a discussion about her poor dental hygiene should have taken place on her presence"

I do agree but I think this is a symptom of the problems. In a slightly more functional set up, the ties between the two grown ups would be strong and there would be a strength in partnership, two adults creating a home and bringing up children as a pair.

It feels like the pairings are DH and DSD, with the OP dancing around trying to care for both children and 'manage' the DH into being a responsible parent. Not too many everyday grown up conversations in that set up.

Hugs, OP (unMumsnetty or not, fuck it, I don't care), hope you're OK. There's a lot of support here for you.

Just seen your latest update - Mummy really make your actions count this time, don't give in cos you get upset and miss him, though i know its hard.

Don't let him learn that he can change nothing and you'll come running back to dote on him and be his slave whilst he doesn't even treat you like a proper partner,,,

You two need to talk frankly.he needs to cut the wisecracks.
You two need to discuss finances of activities when you're with stepdaughter
You need to treat the wee girl equally.you're a significant adult in her life
Your dp and ex need to get clear that girl has adequate diet,clothing.and both be consistent

If you can work towards addressing these issues,so much the better
There are 4 of you in your relationship

That's a no then.

Sorry haven't read all comments so apologies if this has been said already but, having read most of the first page:

Is anyone else thinking "Midwich Cuckoos" at all these unexpected blonde, blue-eyed children in families with no history of same?

nope

next irrelevant and unhelpful comment please !

I'm staying at my friends - didn't want to trouble my gran with relationship problems she's a bit old fashioned.

I think he's got the message now. He's stopped ringing/texting me and my friend.

It'll be nice for him to try and manage DSDs behaviour, do the housework etc by himself. Tit

Have a nice long stay at your friends, OP.

there are four of them in the relationship.
Two half sisters
One dad
Op
Op has an ongoing role with the 5yo wee girl as long as shes with the dad.
He has responsibilities to both daughters

Op knew she was taking on a partner,with a daughter,and financial responsibilities.and that does include care and regard fir his eldest daughter.

He needs to refer to both girls equally,as his daughters
He and ex needs to make sure there is adequate financial arrangement for costs incurred
The wellbeing, adequate clothing and health of the 5yo needs to be addressed and be consistent

OP Well done. Ive got a tip for you If you are ever in doubt that leaving him is the wrong thing please reread and reread and reread again scottishmummys posts on this thread as she has beautifully demonstrated that as a WOMAN and as a stepMOTHER it will ALWAYS be your fault. And these are the attitudes you will have to put up with.

A single mum friend of mine once told me that she would never get into a situation where she would be a stepmother because the expectations are higher than that expected of a stepfather. She doesnt identify as a feminist but i think she had a good point.

scottish why dont you just be honest and type "its a womans job to hold a relationship and family together" because that is the mysogynistic statement that you are making.

Agree with a PP stepmothers seem to be good enough to wipe noses and arses and do the washing but not allowed an opinion. In the blended famillies of today it is a modern mysogyny.

scottish what the fuck do you think she was trying to do.

scottishmummy is having a Bot-like episode, methinks

the urge to type the same thing over and over, without reference to any updates or revelations on the thread overtakes on occasion

Dont paraphrase me wrongly.
If the op feels the relationship is irrevocably broken down,then leave
But the facts of it are if the relationship continues,it continues as four of them

I have read the thread,my posts are responses based wholly on what I've read

Is it just me or is there a fucking parrot squawking somewhere?!

I think op is the only one that does realise there's four of them.

OP, I think I like you. I am sticking with you.