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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Still no thank you letter from friend for wedding present after 3 months...

304 replies

carolineannabel22 · 09/08/2014 09:12

For some random reason I realised last night that we still haven't had a thank you card from a good friend for her wedding present. She got married in May.

AIBU in that I think that's totally unacceptable? I wrote ours the week after we got back from honeymoon... I know that was keen but I knew if i didn't do it then, I'd never do it!!

OP posts:
Deverethemuzzler · 10/08/2014 16:52

I am too lazy to change it back. Its my pre election name. I was told I tried to muzzle ukip voters. The image made me laugh.

I really should change it again.

LondonRocks · 10/08/2014 16:54

Bloody hell, the whole "cards kill the environment" is hilarious.

Only on MN.

Were the gifts unwrapped?! Did you environmentalists not send a card then?!

Deverethemuzzler · 10/08/2014 16:56

Sigh.

Its hardly the main reason is it? It has been mentioned as one reason why its seems silly to send endless cards when you have already said 'Thank You' out of your mouth, to a someone's face.

I would say 'only on MN' do people get so bent out of shape over not getting thank you cards.

Noappointmentnecessary · 10/08/2014 17:00

After I got married, my mum passed away. So no, I never had time to write thank you cards. I was too busy planning a funeral. Get over it, you don't know why she hasn't. Give me your address and I will bloody send you one!!

Thenapoleonofcrime · 10/08/2014 17:02

I don't even get my children to send cards after parties, that's how rude they are, they open the presents there and then, say thanks with a delighted grin, or give the giver a hug. We are very rude people in my family.

Nanny0gg · 10/08/2014 17:04

Noappointmentnecessary I'm really sorry that you lost your mum, and at that particular time too.

But that is not the reason most people don't bother to send Thank-You cards. I would assume the OP would know if the B&G had suffered a tragedy.

It has been mentioned as one reason why its seems silly to send endless cards when you have already said 'Thank You' out of your mouth, to a someone's face.

You rarely, these days, hand the present directly to the B&G. Therefore they don't say Thank-you then and there. So again, that doesn't excuse the lack of a later one.

Nanny0gg · 10/08/2014 17:05

I don't even get my children to send cards after parties, that's how rude they are, they open the presents there and then, say thanks with a delighted grin, or give the giver a hug. We are very rude people in my family.

That's your family. Again, it is unusual (ime) for children to open their presents at parties, they usually take them home and do it away from the chaos. So again, no direct thanks.

PrimalLass · 10/08/2014 17:13

So again, that doesn't excuse the lack of a later one.

Some of us really, really don't want them. I struggle to keep on top of the house junk as it is.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 10/08/2014 17:13

NannyOgg I know, my children have always made time to open presents at their parties to thank the giver as a way of greeting everyone, whereas everyone has told me on MN that the only possible thing to do is stuff them all into bin bags and remove out the back.

I still don't care about thank you cards though and I don't think this constant exchanging of cards is really very polite. In fact, it's quite silly over a small child's toy costing a couple of pounds.

Gileswithachainsaw · 10/08/2014 17:17

I still don't care about thank you cards though and I don't think this constant exchanging of cards is really very polite. In fact, it's quite silly over a small child's toy costing a couple of pounds

I agree with this. I mean we received anything from £3/4 in a card to £10 vouchers as well as toys/books etc and buying the packs of cards can cost more than some of the presents. Given my dd was delighted with everyone who came, I and her thanked everyone for coming and she hugged them all as well, im sure everyone knew we were grateful Confused

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 10/08/2014 18:06

I don't read and bin there and then, they might bo on the mantelpiece for a week first but they do end up in the bin (as do the invitations) whether they are generic or handmade or whatever, there's only so much stuff you can keep.

PetulaGordino · 10/08/2014 18:42

cards don't go in the bin here. they go into a box in the loft with crafty stuff

yes, i'm one of those people Wink

GemmaWella81 · 10/08/2014 19:07

Some of you lot in here are batshit crazy....

I get that some may feel irked when no acknowledgment is given. But the ones in here that get a verbal thank you, and then still expect a written one need to get their priorities sorted.

I think the gift card 'outrage' is just a way for some people to have a seemingly legit moan... After all someone inviting you to a wedding is a thinly veiled way of calling you a cunt going by mn logic...

Meanwhile in the real world.....

LondonRocks · 10/08/2014 19:37

We're talking about thank yous for wedding gifts. Not kids' parties.

I have never been to a wedding and handed the b&g a gift. Hmm

That's why many people choose to be polite and write a note.

Those that think cards are akin to junk mail, bloody hell. Nice.

Only on MN are arguments so bizarre.

FastWindow · 10/08/2014 19:44

I realised possibly two years after my wedding that I had never sent any thank you cards. This may have had something to do with ds turning up unexpectedly, two weeks after the wedding... I was 34 weeks when I got married, and obviously thinking I had 6 weeks to write them!

I thought it would have been a bit odd to quote them at that point, so I just personally thanked and explained at the next opportunity (lots of family dos helped to do that)

I would hate anyone to think I wasn't grateful, no matter what the method of thanks.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/08/2014 19:45

"...Some of you lot in here are batshit crazy...."

You say that like it's a bad thing, Gemma! Grin

Deverethemuzzler · 10/08/2014 19:54

nanny I made a point of greeting and thanking everyone who came to my wedding. That is what you do isn't it? As well as greeting them at the door I made sure I went round and spoke to everyone. I had a few gifts to give out because some of the guests had birthdays and special occasions but had still made the effort to come to my wedding.

I had also arranged my wedding so that there was no hanging around between service and reception no transport was needed to get from one to the other, both venues were accessible and everyone was invited to both.

We didn't have any great aunt Adas sending us monogrammed silver gravy boats so we didn't need to send a card in lieu of a personal thank you.

But I didn't send out special cards after the event Shock. I am therefore thoughtless and rude.
How the fuck does that add up?

Why cannot people understand that Thank You cards, like many things, are cultural and therefore are not part of everyone's life.

Some posters really do seem to think that their way is the only way.

Redhead11 · 10/08/2014 19:54

Actually, i wrote mine on notepaper. Hmm - anyone ever heard of notepaper? Cards are nice, but are highly overpriced as a general rule and a personalised note is so much nicer.

LondonRocks · 10/08/2014 20:08

Notepaper is lovely.

I love getting handwritten notes (and cards). In this era of texts and emails, it feels like someone has taken time and trouble. Makes me smile, anyway.

LondonRocks · 10/08/2014 20:10

Those that choose not to up to you.

Personally, it's a tradition I like.

With kids' parties, some people give out little cards, often handmade, which is sweet. But it's not expected. The thanks are said at the party as the gift is handed over.

trixymalixy · 10/08/2014 20:14

Around the time of our 10 year anniversary I was clearing some stuff out and found a thank you card we had written to one of our wedding guests. Somehow it had got missed Blush So we gave it to our friends next time we saw them. They hadn't noticed we hadn't sent one!

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 10/08/2014 20:14

I prefer cards to notepaper myself, I think they look nicer, can be displayed and can still be just as personal. I use notepaper for longer letters but cards most of the time.

cardibach · 10/08/2014 20:28

London - I also don't open people's cards to me and bin them.
so - what do you do with them? Keep every card forever? Could require a lot of storage if we are all expected to send a hard copy thanks for everything and then not throw it in the bin...

MyFairyKing · 10/08/2014 20:35

Only on MN are people so competitively laid back nonplussed about a lack of thank you card. Maybe it's a cultural thing but in my circle, it is very rude not to send a short thank you note for engagement and wedding presents. People tend not to think the same way about new baby presents for obvious reasons. Thank you notes were almost always given for children's birthday presents but now emails are considered the norm. For older relatives, a handwritten note is still usually sent.

PetulaGordino · 10/08/2014 20:38

so you are nonplussed about the lack of a thank you card Confused

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