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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish that the new Inbetweeners movie didn't use the word 'retarded' twice.

201 replies

stillenacht1 · 08/08/2014 22:44

Ok okI have a pretty puerile sense of humour but I also have a severely autistic son. I went to see it today and cringed when I heard it twice. I just thought that maybe the scriptwriters could have left that out- it was totally unnecessary and added nothing to the rants of the characters.

OP posts:
IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 09/08/2014 00:14

I don't like the word and cringe if I hear it IRL. But when going to watch a film I expect to be shocked and even offended, the inbetweeners is about a group of late-teen boys, and it reflects the everyday late teen boy quite well. I know a lot who say 'retarded' as I don't believe everyone is aware of the origins of the word.

I can't say I'd enjoy films if they pussyfooted around everyone who found one thing or another offensive. Django Unchained used the N word about 300 times, because if was a realistic portrayal of the time and situation it was set. I still enjoyed it and would most definitely enjoy inbetweeners as my humour is pretty puerile

SweetSummerSweetPea · 09/08/2014 00:14

Thanks still I think I have been doing it since year dot actually.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 09/08/2014 00:14

Yes, right, so you do the bare minimum that any thinking person would do.

Whoopie-do.

Don't you think that what you're doing on this thread kinda undoes all that?

Original poster
stillenacht1 · 09/08/2014 00:14

Absolutely bialySmile

My plan of going to bed failedGrin

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 09/08/2014 00:15

And no, I'm not 'picking' on you. I find your comments on this thread pretty unpleasant and sly. I'm entitled to object to them.

Original poster
stillenacht1 · 09/08/2014 00:16

I found your use of the word 'actually' to be quite PA but it's how we read it to ourselves I guess.

OP posts:
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 09/08/2014 00:17

Bialy let me explain this once more.
The OP clearly likes the inbetweeners if she went to see the movie. So I'd hazard a guess she watches the show which does use homophobic insults often.
She obviously doesn't find this offensive as she then pays to go and watch a film. So it seems the message I'm getting is using homophobic slurs= tolerable but using disablist words = intolerable because her son is.

Original poster
stillenacht1 · 09/08/2014 00:26

I didn't actually pay- a friend did. I agree it has a homophobic 'joke' in it- about the father of Neil. I don't find it funny- it's not. I find that 'joke' as weak, catchphrased based. It's their awkwardness (said for the second time) I find funny. Yes I probably shouldn't go to see them then.

OP posts:
SweetSummerSweetPea · 09/08/2014 00:26

Well the bare minimum of someone who is the sister to someone who has Downs Syndrome and has lived with him for only 26 years...and fought for him with social serives, and fought for him to go to day care and grown up with people giving her brother funny looks, and defending him to all and sundry nearly all of my life, the bare minimum when he collapses and has an epliectic fit and wets himself in public again and people are sniggering and laughing...

...and volunteering at our local mencap where my father was chairman...and fighting the use of the word retard since I was about 5 years old and aware that other people thought my darling brother was weird and stared and stared and stared at him, or talking him down when he has lost it in public because he doesn't understand something and has kicked off.

and fighting and fighting and fighting, along with my poor mother to help give him a happy and equal life...fighting the local kids throwing stones at our door...

yes, the bare minimum.

and YES I do think the charities should do more in the media against this word.

Put that in your FUCKING PIPE LDR AND FUCKING SMOKE IT AND while your about it, why don't YOU go and educate YOUR writer friends about this vile word.

VerityWaves · 09/08/2014 00:26

I hate the sexism in that show. I don't know how women can watch it tbh that bad.

Original poster
stillenacht1 · 09/08/2014 00:31

I see it as the boys are the losers on the shows though, the girls always have the upper hand.

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 09/08/2014 00:31

BuskersDog

Thank you for the explanation, I feel a bit daft not knowing this, I did sort of know really but hadn't made the connection, a problem of mine sometimes. I apologise for not understanding Still

It can be difficult to find the right term, do you know that when I was a child people used to talk about me like I wasn't there and say things like "The lights on but nobodies home". I don't think they were being malicious because it was teachers, and very rare in those days support workers in school. I think I was made a special case as had come from the care system, albeit as a baby.
I will use the term development delay now, but not sure if that's fitting for older people who have developed now.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 09/08/2014 00:33

So what are you going to do OP? Complain? Stop watching?

LRDtheFeministDragon · 09/08/2014 00:33

I'm sorry my post upset you so much.

I would point out that some might be equally upset at your comments, which came across as criticizing charities that work extremely hard, as well as implying that one could only support those charities if one worked for them - not simply because they're doing a worthwhile thing.

I do find it odd you seem so quick to criticise and so angry to come under criticism yourself.

Original poster
stillenacht1 · 09/08/2014 00:35

More than that's fineSmile really any term associated with LD is going to be abused, just look at how the word 'special' is used as an insult nowHmm It's the mentality that needs changing in society not the word- but I guess to do that we have to focus on the way the words are used in common parlance.

OP posts:
bialystockandbloom · 09/08/2014 00:37

Sharon I do understand that, really. I actually haven't watched the show, ever, so had no idea it was homophobic etc, but that isn't the point. I just mean that just because the OP protested about the casual disablism doesn't mean she therefore condones anything else offensive about it. If you want to start a discussion about the homophobia and sexism of the film, or anything else, nothing stopping you. This thread is specifically about the use of the word Retard. It's fair enough that still* started the thread, because she feels strongly about this particular thing. So what? Equally, if she had started a thread about the homophobia in it, that wouldn't mean she condoned the use of the R word.

The latest posts on this thread saying "oh well that's just teenage boys for you" kind of sums it up. As long as people can just shrug and say "oh well boys will be boys" this kind of language will continue.

I too really must go to bed. Night still and all Smile

Original poster
stillenacht1 · 09/08/2014 00:37

Complain yes.

I complained to channel 4 on three previous occasions when the word hs been used.

Stop watching- I think that's the end of it now anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
stillenacht1 · 09/08/2014 00:39

Night Bialy. Bedtime for me too nowSmile

OP posts:
MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 09/08/2014 00:39

If every TV show pussyfoots around the fact that bigoted idiots exist - and shows stop parodying these bigoted idiots - then what message is that sending to the public? We know it happens, but we're going to ignore it and pretend it doesn't?

By reflecting and parodying real life, writers can take issues and make them approachable, putting them in the public eye. The Inbetweeners are parodies of teenage boys. They are extremes - Will is the posh, ex-public schoolboy who is so tactless, you can laugh at him, but not want to be him. Jay is a horrible sexist, with misogynistic views but no actual success with girls, and he is constantly lying - again, not someone people aspire to be like. The other two are 'nice guys', but still not the sort of people anyone aspires to be, because the show portrays them as losers - they have no success with women, they aren't popular or well-liked at school, they're socially awkward and continuously failing at everything they try to do.

Whatever the writers' intentions in using the word, it almost certainly wasn't to try and normalise it, or make it 'cool'.

Original poster
stillenacht1 · 09/08/2014 00:43

I don't actually think it was the boys who said it but an Australian uncle who looked around 50...

OP posts:
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 09/08/2014 00:44

Good.
I wish everyone who had an issue with something did actually complain to the relevant people though. It comes to something when you feel half your life is spent complaining about injustices but people have to start standing up and being counted

MorphineDreams · 09/08/2014 00:48

Isn't it just the same as racists in films using the N word? It shows that they're racist.

These 'lads' using the R word just further shows how idiotic they are. And sadly it does reflect on real life idiots of that age too because I've heard it used many a time.

Original poster
stillenacht1 · 09/08/2014 00:51

I just wish the scriptwriters hadn't made them disablist-indeed normalising itHmm

OP posts:
zippey · 09/08/2014 01:10

It's just a word showing these people for the kind of persons they are. A bit like racists in films using the N or P word to show them as racists. Terminology used in the movie is probably acceptable - though I haven't seen it yet.

MQv2 · 09/08/2014 01:32

"Bialy let me explain this once more.
The OP clearly likes the inbetweeners if she went to see the movie. So I'd hazard a guess she watches the show which does use homophobic insults often.
She obviously doesn't find this offensive as she then pays to go and watch a film. So it seems the message I'm getting is using homophobic slurs= tolerable but using disablist words = intolerable because her son is."

Pretty much my tale on it too.
If the op is a fan of the inbetweeners then she's sat through countless jibes of gay/bender and even bumder along with sexist clunge/minge etc. (and I think, but am happy to he corrected, they used the term "spas" when will hit the girl with the frisbee
Which doesn't mean you can't be appalled by the use of the R word but I can see why some may see a touch if hypocrisy.
Because it seems like you're saying every vulnerable/minority group is a fair target except for those that effect me personally